What do you do with someone who is financially irresponsible?

Today, Jarvis bought a Wii. He snuck out of the house while i was asleep after I said "no, wait until income tax comes in." We have 2 savings accounts. we opened the second one for us to save my leftover school money for next year. We put 1,000 dollars in it that was supposed to sit there. Now, he went and took 400 out of it to buy "us" a wii. Nevermind the fact that we have 1800 dollars in credit card debt because of his irresponsible decisions. He has maxed out a credit card in both of our names. I need that money for school next year because I am trying not to take out anymore loans, as I already had to take out 9,500 to pay for this year. I really want to take the rest of my money and open an account in my name, but I can't do that until he pays back the 400 or ill never get it back. What do I do??? He refuses to listen to me and keeps buying things we cannot afford and won't save money. other than that savings account, we had 24 dollars in checking and 64 dollars in our other savings account. I'm so scared he is going to ruin my credit. Please, someone help me.

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You have to put your foot down and make the decisions if he is not able to be financially responsible. If talking to him about it does not work then maybe you need your own seperate account that only you know about. Maybe you shouldn't have any joint accounts soo you don't have to worry about that. He probably still has a lot of growing to do, but you should talk with him calmly and let him know you are very worried over you guys finances. Communicate because a lot of couples break over money issues. Good Luck!

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talking doesn't help. he just gets all defensive and gives me this whole "i bust my butt all day.... blah blah blah" speech. i know he is just trying to make up for him not having anything when he was younger, but hes making bad decisions, and as long as hes the only one working, he feels like he gets to make them and when i tell him dont buy something im just being a bitch and controlling

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Well its hard when your young it sounds like he still has a lot of growing to do. I do understand making up for what you didn't have when you were younger, but he's setting you guys up for not having anything later on in life. He is not the only one working you stay at home and take care of the baby and the house all day that is a 24/7 job. And let him know that he is not the only one who busts his butt all day. And you protecting your family and finances is not being controlling is being intelligent the sooner he realizes that the better off you guys will be. And whatever you do if he wants to rin his credit then let him but don't go down with him its hard to come back form that.

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First, I would like to say hello. I am new to this sight. I read in one of your previous posts that you stated " talking does not help" I know it may seem hard to do, however I feel that you need to remove the remaining balance of your money from the account and open your own personal account. The reason I say this is because if he took money out to buy the video game; how long is it going to be before he takes out even more to purchase the games and accessories to accompany it. I am not trying to be harsh or judgmental, but this is my honest opinion of what is best for you. I have been down this road before and it leads to disaster. Financially, he needs to be cut off!!!!!!!!!

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Good morning lildeb08--

OK, so I'm going to be even more firm than those who already commented (and with whom I wholeheartedly agree).

I think you know my story, because you've been kind enough to respond to some of my posts.

ABSOLUTELY DO NOT TOLERATE THIS. Because I did everything I THOUGHT was possible for 12 years: challenge my husband (which got NOWHERE -- he did what your guy did, completely shut down or got defensive), trust my husband (then later learned he lied to me), threatened divorce, and on an on.

So now I AM finally getting that divorce and it's very likely that we will SPLIT half the massive debt -- for which HE is 90% responsible -- and that he will get HALF of my pension money, most of which I earned before I even met him.

I honestly can give no more real and honest advice than to continue to challenge him on this and if you remain unsuccessful to GET OUT of the relationship, harsh as that seems.

Because I "tried" for so long to make it work, I am now working two jobs and in less than six months am losing my (and my daughters') home. I KNOW I will prevail in the end -- thanks in great part to the support I get from my friends here in the community -- but talk about a lesson learned.

I am here any time you want to share. Good luck to you and BE STRONG.

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i actually considered opening the account in my name before we did it under our joint names, but I didn't know how to tell him i wanted it in my name. so i have developed a plan to get my aunt and uncle to talk him (he will listen to them) into letting me control the "Emergency Fund". I decided the moment he bought the wii that I am putting off the wedding (no specific date was set yet but we were planning) until he can prove to me that he is financially responsible. I am going to my aunts and uncles house tomorrow so we will see how that goes.

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Hi I am new to this site, but really needed to respond to your probelm. I have one question for u do u love this man? if the first thought that came in your head was yes then u need to take a breath and calm down. we need to be honest with each other if you truly love him u should not put off your wedding because of this I mean that will only start more probelms for yall. Marriage is about tryin to work through probelms and this is a probelm of course. You are right about the money and with him being the only provider he(which my husband is) it is a lot of pressure on him. That money was a chance he felt like to get something he wanted when he works so hard. I understand that u want to go to school and if he truly loves u he will find a way to help u go. Yall do need to talk about the finances and get on the same page but unless he is a excessive spender to the point that yall bills are not taking care of or yall cant affor food it sounds like yall can work it out without putting added wait on you relationship.

P.S. My advice comes from experience and I can realize now that what we had before was better nad that I still love him even though we can no longer be together if you love him do not go too far that u start pushng him in the other direction.

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well, first the wedding never had any plans other than that he wants it to be on our anniversary, no matter what year. so there isn't really anything to call off, he hasn't even proposed, i just can't plan the wedding until this is resolved. I do love him, i absolutely do, but I can't let his selfish spending compromise taking care of carmen. we have had times where we couldn't pay the bills and had to resort to using credit cards because he spent money we should have saved.
it isn't that he just bought something this once, hes been spending all the extra money since we started dating. its just now that i have realized it and it has such an effect on me

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Well I really didi not want you totalk to him out of anger because nothin can ever be resolved tilyall talk andand know u said that u tried thlkin to him so all the advice I can give is to do what u thinkis best for u and your child.

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I will not be leaving him, just to set that straight, but once my credit card is payed off, there will not be anything else put in my name. if he wants to control the finances, he will control all of it, including the debt that he gives to himself.
its just that until he can get his spending under control, i can't let him put things in my name

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LILDEB08 ... I CAN PERSONALLY SORTA RELATE TO YOU PROBLEM. MY DAUGHTER'S FATHER AND I LIVE TOGETHER AS A COUPLE ALTHOUGH WE ARE NOT INGAGED OFFICIALLY. WE DO SHARE A JOINT ACCOUNT AND I SOMETIMES HSAVE THE SAME ISSUES WITH HIM. HE HAS A TENDANCY TO SPEND ON THINGS THAT ARE DUMB TO ME. I RECENTLY BECAME UNEMPLOYED SO WE LIVE OFF SAVINGS AND HIS INCOME. WE HAVE RENT, UTILITIES, DYNASTY, AND OURSELVES TO TAKE CARE OF EVERY MONTH YET HE FOUND IT IN HIMSELF TO SPEND $1600 ON RIMS FOR THE CAR AND $300 TATTOO ALL WITHIN 2 WEEKS TIME. NOT TO MENTION HIS OTHER HABITS LIKE JUST SPENDING ON FASTFOOD EVERYDAY DESPITE OUR STOCKED KITCHEN OF GROCERY. ONE TIME HE EVEN WANTED ME TO PAY THE RENT LATE SO WE COULD FLY OUT OF TOWN TO JUST HANG OUT BECAUSE HE FIGURES HE CAN JUST PAYA LATE FEE INSTEAD OF FLYING OUT AT ANOTHER TIME. DON'T GET ME WRONG HE DOES SPEND ON US THE WAY HE DOES HIMSELF BUT WE AREALWAYS AT EACH OTHERS THROATS AOUT IT WHEN HE DOES BECAUSE I FEEL THERE ARE BIGGER FISH TO FRY LIKE TRYING TO PAYOFF MORE IMPORANT THINGS. I'M TO THE POINT WHERE I AM GOING TO GET A SEPERATE ACCOUNT DESPITEWHAT HE MAY FEEL. MY THOUGHT IS WE HAVE SEPERATE ACOUNTS AND BOTH CONTRIBUTE TO A SHARED ACCOUNT THAT CAN BE ESTABLISHED JUST FOR MONTHLY SHARED EXPENSES. THAT WAY WE WILL NOT HAVE TO ARGUE OVER HIS SPENDING HABITS AND I CAN SAVE MORE FOR DYNASTY &N MYSELF. MAYBE THIS MAY WORK FOR YOU ALL AS WELL ... I SURE HOPE IT DOES FOR US.

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