What do you do with someone who is financially irresponsible?

• By soontobe2
• Reply 276348
• February 4, 2009 at 10:23 am
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You have to put your foot down and make the decisions if he is not able to be financially responsible. If talking to him about it does not work then maybe you need your own seperate account that only you know about. Maybe you shouldn't have any joint accounts soo you don't have to worry about that. He probably still has a lot of growing to do, but you should talk with him calmly and let him know you are very worried over you guys finances. Communicate because a lot of couples break over money issues. Good Luck!

• By lildeb08
• Reply 277043
• February 4, 2009 at 8:17 pm
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talking doesn't help. he just gets all defensive and gives me this whole "i bust my butt all day.... blah blah blah" speech. i know he is just trying to make up for him not having anything when he was younger, but hes making bad decisions, and as long as hes the only one working, he feels like he gets to make them and when i tell him dont buy something im just being a bitch and controlling

• By soontobe2
• Reply 277667
• February 5, 2009 at 10:44 am
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Well its hard when your young it sounds like he still has a lot of growing to do. I do understand making up for what you didn't have when you were younger, but he's setting you guys up for not having anything later on in life. He is not the only one working you stay at home and take care of the baby and the house all day that is a 24/7 job. And let him know that he is not the only one who busts his butt all day. And you protecting your family and finances is not being controlling is being intelligent the sooner he realizes that the better off you guys will be. And whatever you do if he wants to rin his credit then let him but don't go down with him its hard to come back form that.

• By MzBlount28 (Inactive)
• Reply 278601
• February 6, 2009 at 2:42 am
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First, I would like to say hello. I am new to this sight. I read in one of your previous posts that you stated " talking does not help" I know it may seem hard to do, however I feel that you need to remove the remaining balance of your money from the account and open your own personal account. The reason I say this is because if he took money out to buy the video game; how long is it going to be before he takes out even more to purchase the games and accessories to accompany it. I am not trying to be harsh or judgmental, but this is my honest opinion of what is best for you. I have been down this road before and it leads to disaster. Financially, he needs to be cut off!!!!!!!!!

• By lildeb08
• Reply 279136
• February 6, 2009 at 12:59 pm
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i actually considered opening the account in my name before we did it under our joint names, but I didn't know how to tell him i wanted it in my name. so i have developed a plan to get my aunt and uncle to talk him (he will listen to them) into letting me control the "Emergency Fund". I decided the moment he bought the wii that I am putting off the wedding (no specific date was set yet but we were planning) until he can prove to me that he is financially responsible. I am going to my aunts and uncles house tomorrow so we will see how that goes.

• By tm504
• Reply 280689
• February 8, 2009 at 3:20 am
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Hi I am new to this site, but really needed to respond to your probelm. I have one question for u do u love this man? if the first thought that came in your head was yes then u need to take a breath and calm down. we need to be honest with each other if you truly love him u should not put off your wedding because of this I mean that will only start more probelms for yall. Marriage is about tryin to work through probelms and this is a probelm of course. You are right about the money and with him being the only provider he(which my husband is) it is a lot of pressure on him. That money was a chance he felt like to get something he wanted when he works so hard. I understand that u want to go to school and if he truly loves u he will find a way to help u go. Yall do need to talk about the finances and get on the same page but unless he is a excessive spender to the point that yall bills are not taking care of or yall cant affor food it sounds like yall can work it out without putting added wait on you relationship.

P.S. My advice comes from experience and I can realize now that what we had before was better nad that I still love him even though we can no longer be together if you love him do not go too far that u start pushng him in the other direction.

• By lildeb08
• Reply 286150
• February 12, 2009 at 6:03 pm
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well, first the wedding never had any plans other than that he wants it to be on our anniversary, no matter what year. so there isn't really anything to call off, he hasn't even proposed, i just can't plan the wedding until this is resolved. I do love him, i absolutely do, but I can't let his selfish spending compromise taking care of carmen. we have had times where we couldn't pay the bills and had to resort to using credit cards because he spent money we should have saved.
it isn't that he just bought something this once, hes been spending all the extra money since we started dating. its just now that i have realized it and it has such an effect on me

• By tm504
• Reply 286332 · In reply to 286150 by lildeb08
• February 12, 2009 at 9:44 pm
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Well I really didi not want you totalk to him out of anger because nothin can ever be resolved tilyall talk andand know u said that u tried thlkin to him so all the advice I can give is to do what u thinkis best for u and your child.

• By lildeb08
• Reply 286440
• February 13, 2009 at 12:22 am
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I will not be leaving him, just to set that straight, but once my credit card is payed off, there will not be anything else put in my name. if he wants to control the finances, he will control all of it, including the debt that he gives to himself.
its just that until he can get his spending under control, i can't let him put things in my name

• By DYNASTYZ_MOM
• Reply 290812
• February 17, 2009 at 12:22 pm
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LILDEB08 ... I CAN PERSONALLY SORTA RELATE TO YOU PROBLEM. MY DAUGHTER'S FATHER AND I LIVE TOGETHER AS A COUPLE ALTHOUGH WE ARE NOT INGAGED OFFICIALLY. WE DO SHARE A JOINT ACCOUNT AND I SOMETIMES HSAVE THE SAME ISSUES WITH HIM. HE HAS A TENDANCY TO SPEND ON THINGS THAT ARE DUMB TO ME. I RECENTLY BECAME UNEMPLOYED SO WE LIVE OFF SAVINGS AND HIS INCOME. WE HAVE RENT, UTILITIES, DYNASTY, AND OURSELVES TO TAKE CARE OF EVERY MONTH YET HE FOUND IT IN HIMSELF TO SPEND $1600 ON RIMS FOR THE CAR AND $300 TATTOO ALL WITHIN 2 WEEKS TIME. NOT TO MENTION HIS OTHER HABITS LIKE JUST SPENDING ON FASTFOOD EVERYDAY DESPITE OUR STOCKED KITCHEN OF GROCERY. ONE TIME HE EVEN WANTED ME TO PAY THE RENT LATE SO WE COULD FLY OUT OF TOWN TO JUST HANG OUT BECAUSE HE FIGURES HE CAN JUST PAYA LATE FEE INSTEAD OF FLYING OUT AT ANOTHER TIME. DON'T GET ME WRONG HE DOES SPEND ON US THE WAY HE DOES HIMSELF BUT WE AREALWAYS AT EACH OTHERS THROATS AOUT IT WHEN HE DOES BECAUSE I FEEL THERE ARE BIGGER FISH TO FRY LIKE TRYING TO PAYOFF MORE IMPORANT THINGS. I'M TO THE POINT WHERE I AM GOING TO GET A SEPERATE ACCOUNT DESPITEWHAT HE MAY FEEL. MY THOUGHT IS WE HAVE SEPERATE ACOUNTS AND BOTH CONTRIBUTE TO A SHARED ACCOUNT THAT CAN BE ESTABLISHED JUST FOR MONTHLY SHARED EXPENSES. THAT WAY WE WILL NOT HAVE TO ARGUE OVER HIS SPENDING HABITS AND I CAN SAVE MORE FOR DYNASTY &N MYSELF. MAYBE THIS MAY WORK FOR YOU ALL AS WELL ... I SURE HOPE IT DOES FOR US.