First of all let me intruduce myself. I finally concieved my son after trying to get pregnant for three years. I conceived him after two rounds of clomid. My periods where very iregular after i got married at 20 years old. But due to the help of fertilityy meds, i concieved.
My pregnancy was going smooth and then all of asudden I was constantly having mild back aches and i thought they were Brackston Hicks, so i ignored them, after two days, my back aches got from mild to a little severe, so I called my ob, and she told me to come in right away. Anyway, she does a pelvic exam and says you are not dilated, your perfectly fine, your cervics is thick and closed. I went home, and then my back aches got extremly severe, and iknw something was wrong. But I ignored them 30 mins ago, my doc said i was not dialated. So I though maybe b and h again. I thought probaby i have to go tothe bath room, i pushed and something was comming out of me, it seemed like a leg. I screamed and called 911. I thought i lost my baby. I was brought to labor and dilivery and my doc checks me and says your dilated 4cms, within three hours, i dilated 4 cms. I went into preterm labor and had my baby via c section b/c he was breached 24 weeks.
After six week i went to my post partum appointment. I asked my doc a question, that why did this happen to me why i went into preterm labor, and she says she does not know exactly why. B/c my body did not show signs of preterm labor earlier, she does not know if it was incompetent cervics or a infection. I did develop a infection after my c section, b/c i started to have a high tempt and my placenta did show a mild infection but she does not know exactly when the infection started, before i dilated or after. So she does not know if it was truly a infection that caused me to go into labor.
Anyway this is what i consider rude, she says that "your body did not want the baby to begin with, you ha d forced your body toget pregnant, therefore you went into labor" I almost wanted to cry, i felt to incomplete, i felt like i shouldn't be a woman, a woman's body is designed to carry a baby, and now when she said that i my body did not want the baby, i felt like something was missing in me, i cried so much after the apointment, but kept my tears inside of me while talking to her.
She said your body developed anice placenta, but that does not mean it wanted the baby inside, it was "forced" to get pregnant..
Would you consider this mean, or rude..
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Would you consider this rude or mean?
- By Ayeshachaudhary
- Posted February 10, 2009 at 11:48 am · 19 replies
- In In the NICU/PICU
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- By Henrysmom
- Posted February 10, 2009 at 12:07 pm
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I am so sorry that your doctor was so inconsiderate. Yes, I consider that to be extremely rude! But unfortunately, I have learned that those in the medical field are not always very tactful. Even so, they should never express such an "opinion", b/c that's exactly what it is! There is no medical data to show that just b/c you've used tools to help you get pregnant that your body never wanted to be pregnant! That's ridiculous. I have a friend that used clomid to get pregnant with her first child... it took them 5 yrs. She has had 2 babies since without any problems conceiving or carrying!
You are a wonderful complete woman! Just remember, whatever the reason your baby came into this world early, your body did a wonderful job carrying the baby to viability!!!
- By Mamato4
- Posted February 10, 2009 at 12:13 pm
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Mouth drops open...UGH! Like Henry's mom said each professional will have their own theories and thoughts on the matter. I think its a rather ignorant statement. HUGS!!!
- By Ayeshachaudhary
- Posted February 10, 2009 at 12:26 pm
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thank you Henrysmom and Birdie8fish, after having a baby in the nicu and having to hear this at my postpartum,i felt so irrated, and incomplete, but i am happy that there are such great supporting websites like theses, where woman can express their emotions to others who truly understand them and don't judge them.
- By agdiaz
- Posted February 10, 2009 at 1:07 pm
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Hi,
I just wanted to say your labor sounds just like mine, I had to convince the nurse there was something wrong with me and take me in L&D and to some testing, my son was born that very same day at 24 weeks also C-Section because he was feet first and I could also feel them like you mentioned. What the doctor said to you was mean and extremely rude. Your infection has nothing to do with your hability to conceive, my son was conceived naturally (in fact this was my second pregnancy and was going just fine) I asked my doctor why did this happen and he said you just can't predict where you get an infection wether a place you go or food you eat. He told me instead of looking for someone to blame (I was blaming myself) to take care of myself and my baby. Your doctor is wrong.
Take care.
- By Ayeshachaudhary
- Posted February 10, 2009 at 1:12 pm
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Thank you for your responce, your right, infections cannot be predicted, they happen all of a sudden, even a simple infection of uti, can cause labor..i am just praying that everything goes well for my b aby and other mothers babies who had their baby prematurely..
- By Ayeshachaudhary
- Posted February 10, 2009 at 1:12 pm
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Thank you for your responce, your right, infections cannot be predicted, they happen all of a sudden, even a simple infection of uti, can cause labor..i am just praying that everything goes well for my b aby and other mothers babies who had their baby prematurely..
- By llcbc
- Posted February 10, 2009 at 1:50 pm
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yes it's mean and yes it's rude. BUT if there is one thing that we have learned thru this whole journey with Braelyn is that...Some doctors have NO SENSE OF TACT and need a SCIENTIFIC REASON FOR EVERYTHING. My daughter was told to go home on a Friday and come back on a monday and the doctors exact words were "Your baby will wither and die inside you before returning so we will plan for an extraction on Monday" THIS IS THE SPECIALIST my daughters OB doctor sent her to because of no fluid and IUGR. I proceeded to ask him (rather plead with him) "Do you not have ANY faith that this child can survive" after raising his eyebrows and looking me directly into the face completely irgnoring my daughter who at this point is completely distraught and said "Ummmmm NO, he's just too small, it's best to just come back monday". We did leave but thank goodness our own OB had more faith had us in an ambulance and Braelyn was delivered VERY EARLY, VERY TINY BUT VERY MUCH ALIVE and continues to thrive. Please don't let this persons view dictate the person you are or what "your body" was thinking. It's ridiculous. Millions of women have used Clomid and other instruments to become pregnant without any complications, or having their bodies revolt against them. AND What about all the women who took nothing and have delivered early I wonder what would her opinion would be to why their bodies "rejected". PURE NONSENSE.. Henrysmom is right you did a great job.
Love to hear about the baby.....HUGS
- By Nigellas
- Posted February 10, 2009 at 2:28 pm
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Absolutely 100% out of line. I would find a new OB ASAP and write her (and cc her partners) to let her know why you are leaving.
Just a thought on your cervix. I have IC (Incompetent Cervix) - I can't tell you how many times a doctor would do a manual exam and say how tight and good things feel only to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound to see that I was funneled and had very little cervix. Manual exams don't tell you much if you have IC.
Another bit of info for you - I also went through fertility treatments with my last pregnancy. My perinotologist told me recently that pregnancies conceived this way to have a higher risk or pre-term birth. Something about the simulated hormones. I'm telling you this so that you know that it is NOT your fault. And that your OB is an idiot.
- By SabrinaG
- Posted February 10, 2009 at 5:12 pm
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Yes. That statement your doctor made to you was very inappropriate. I've experienced rude doctors and nurses who have said stupid sarcastic things to me too. You are not alone. However, I can't imagine what you went through when you went into preterm labor. Please don't feel like she was right with that statement she made to you...since you deserve to have a baby. I had to take clomid too. Sometimes our bodies need help to try to conceive. And yes our bodies are designed to have children as you stated.
- By laurakennedy77
- Posted February 10, 2009 at 5:51 pm
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I had my daughter at 26 weeks. She was still in the NICU when I went for my 6 week post-partum check up. My doctor said something like "You should be thankful we delivered your baby early, otherwise you would still be on bedrest." I was very offended. I would have much rather been on bedrest than having a baby that was so tiny and fragile and struggling so hard to survive! Not to mention running back and forth to the NICU with a full time job and two other kids at home! Some people just don't have a clue.
Needless to say, she is no longer my OB...
- By lola_west
- Posted February 10, 2009 at 7:58 pm
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Unfortunately you are not alone. Things like that make me sad and angry...Another jerk - my ob/gyn (sorry, girls!) told me something like: Oh, gosh, you just ruined my party... i have to drive here (in the hospital) 2 hrs from NJ (it was during weekend). So let's finish this miscariage (huh, my son demonstrated great vital signs on monitors), and in 4-6 months you will try to conceive again and nexttime i will watch you more closely". WTF???
Needless to say that during my son's 2.5 months NICU stay, he never ask me how is he doing...
One day i got the postcard with smiling baby on it in my mailbox from his office "Thank you for delivery with us! It's time for your regular check up!" WTF again???
kathy, angry mom of Johnny, 25 weeker
- By Jessi101088
- Posted February 10, 2009 at 9:05 pm
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That is so messed up. you are alot stronger person then i am because i would of went off on her. I would call someone above her and report her for that. Even when she became a DR she knew that she would see things that she didnt feel was right but needs to refrain from saying something like that. i am against aborting a baby but i have not judged someone for doing that and in her line of work shes going to see things that shes not going to like and shes there to do a job not give her opinion. I think that since u wont able to have a child that u deserved one, one way or another! That was urs and ur husbands choice and you got a great baby out of the deal! congrats.
ps often they dont know y you go into labor, i went into preterm labor at 31weeks and 5 days and i had just left the drs office. then an hour later my water broke so its not that they didnt do their job but i didnt have any signs either. Next time i would make a stand and have them run every test possible to check for infections, problems with uterus or anything. best of luck to you guys
- By CCDY
- Posted February 11, 2009 at 2:46 am
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First of all, it sounds to me like your OB was placing blame where it didn't belong. If anything, your OB is the one that should be questioned here for not looking into your complaint a little more completly. Durring any pregnancy nothing should be taken lightly. I myself was on infertility treatments and after 5 years of ttc we gave up after being told it wouldn't happen without IVF. After being diagnosed with PCOS and starting treatment, I ended up pregnant with my son 4 months later!! I almost lost him due to an Incompetent Cervix at 19 weeks and 6 days, which, to me, sounds like what happened to you. Thank GOD my Dr is OCD with his patients and showed up at L&D when he wasn't even on call on a Saturday!! You can NOT blame yourself for what happened, even though as women we naturally put the fault on us automatically, trust me I did it for over 5 years. I would find a different OB and tell them what happened with your pregnancy. If they consider you anything less than High Risk, find a different Dr. Good luck girl!!
- By Ayeshachaudhary
- Posted February 11, 2009 at 6:56 am
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Thanks for all your support ladies, it gives me a lot of relief knowing that I am not alone, i am definetly going to switch obs and find a better ob who will give me more respect and not utter out any stupid opinion.
- By dragonqueen84
- Posted February 11, 2009 at 8:42 am
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thats funny (in sarcastic way) you CANNOT "force" your body to get pregnant thats a load of croc! that dr shouldnt have said such things..pregnancy happens over time with or without meds!!! pregnancy if a GIFT to us-not a burden omg i do NOT like that dr of yours...if you try again pls goto another dr...wow just wow... **hugs**
- By Christina4
- Posted February 11, 2009 at 11:07 am
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Not just rude and mean, but a very warped perspective from your doctor. I truly can't imagine what would make an intellegent person make such a judgement against you. Many women who have difficulty conceiving have no trouble with their pregnancy once they conceive.
I hope you will not allow her comment to continue causing you pain. And I hope your baby will thrive and be home soon!
- By logansmummy
- Posted February 11, 2009 at 12:17 pm
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i would of bitchslapped them...!!!!
how dam well rude... i had a placental abruption and had my little man at 24+5, and still have no reason to why my abruption happened and i have to have him naturally, and he was breech.. that was almost 6 months ago and i'm still blaming myself for having Logan early...
With everything thats happened to you, its soo soo traumatic having a Preterm baby as it is, with Ob's like that its no wonder women have post natal depression!!
I have to say the Obs in the UK are not like this, and sound to be alot more supportive.. noone should or has the right to make u feel that a prem baby is your fault.
- By Ayeshachaudhary
- Posted February 11, 2009 at 12:56 pm
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Your very right logansmummy she deserves a bitchslap, and i know several woman who took clomid and had their babies to full term, my aunt took clomid twice to concieve and she carriedd her babies to full term..
- By Avagrandma
- Posted February 11, 2009 at 3:35 pm
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I am absolutely appalled by what was said to you. We are not perfect, nor are our bodies and many things happen during our pregnancies. I am a grandma who had 2 premature births and am grandma to 2 premature grandchildren in one case preeclampsia, the other placenta previa. It is good that we are encouraged to "forgive" and not carry such terrible thoughts around with us. There are some peoples words we just have to forget. Carry good thoughts.
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