Worst Mother of the Year Award?

I used to work as a nanny, and I was great at putting babies/kids on a schedule. I helped countless families with scheduling their children. However...not so much with my own daughter. I just cannot seem to get her on a napping schedule. She is great at night time, right down at 7 up at 6-7 am. Yet her naps are terrible!!! 20 mins down, and then up, and then so cranky! Sometimes I worry her reflux is bothering her, and rock her, just staring at her. I think I hold her too much. But, I look at her and think of those months in the hospital when I longed to hold my baby, and think, "I am going to hold you now as much as I can." Am I spoiling her? I just waited so long for her to be home, and now I cannot seem to put her down. I think it is getting to the point where she wants to be held and wants attention when I leave the room. As a mother of a preemie I am so grateful she is here, and I call her my miracle baby. Yet, I worry that I am catering too much to her needs/wants of being held. I worry that I will also be overly cautious as she grows up because of everything we went through with her.

By Lyndseylou
Posted October 22, 2009 at 1:07 pm
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You are not a bad mother. You love your child and their is nothing wrong with spoiling your baby. They need that love and one on one connection especially if they spent an extended period of time in the NICU.
I know I hold my little one all the time. She is just so dang cute, I can't help it. :-)
We too have napping issue - but you got the hard part down - night time sleeping I think is harder to schedule than day time naps.

By katek
Posted October 22, 2009 at 1:30 pm
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Isn't your baby only 4 months adjusted? It may be a bit unrealistic to expect a routine schedule at that age, especially in regards to naps. It is pretty amazing that she already sleeps 12 hours straight at night.

I believe the baby books basically say that you can't really spoil an infant until something like 8 months. And as we preemie moms know, that means adjusted for our kids. Even after that, they don't have the cause-effect rationality to really get "spoiled."

So you keep trying. And some time in the next several months, she'll be on a routine.

You could try doing infant massage and/or a bath before the time when you want her to take a nap. Those things sometimes relax baby and help facilitate naps.

By emmaandme
Posted October 22, 2009 at 1:46 pm
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Yes she is just about 4 months adjusted age. I know I should be thankful for the night time routine. Whew, it is a life saver because I am exhausted by 7 pm. I guess I will keep trying for the day time. Thanks for the advice! I just thought she should be sleeping for more than 20 minute increments during the day. I will try the massage thing. Thanks

By katek
Posted October 22, 2009 at 1:58 pm
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We started the infant massage regularly at 5 months adjusted. I wish that I had gotten on that sooner.

We were told to use food oils (e.g., grapeseed oil, sesame oil, etc.) b/c if they get in baby's mouth (when hand goes into mouth), it ususally isn't a big deal. As much as I love Chinese food, we decided to go with the grapeseed oil rather than the sesame oil b/c the smell of grapeseed oil is minimal. Plus, the oil is very light.

We had an infant massage therapist give us two training sessions. You can also find a lot of info about it on youtube and then figure out what will work best for your girl. We usually get our massages under 7 minutes. He was often hungry after the massage so we'd have a bottle ready. Lots of benefits to massage: increased weight gain, better quality of sleep, learning about boundaries of body, learning about positive touch (to replace those negative associations of needles to feet), etc.

You may find that as she gets a little bigger, it is easier for her to nap longer the more she drinks and her stomach stretches. Often babies wake up b/c of hunger.

It was a problem for our son b/c he rarely drank more than 5 ozs per sitting throughout his whole babyhood.

By emmaandme
Posted October 22, 2009 at 3:37 pm
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Emma made a liar out of me today! She actually slept 2 hrs straight today.....fingers crossed that it happens again tomorrow :) And I was able to attack that basket of laundry...

By alexacolbert
Posted October 22, 2009 at 6:52 pm
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I agree spoil that baby. I longed to hold my twins and bring them home. Just to come home empty handed. I dreamed of holding Alexa all night, sleeping with her. Just cuddling and rocking her. But she never came home. Born at 23 weeks she lost her battle after almost 4 mos and her sister Addison lost hers after 12days. I just knew my Lexa was coming home. So i could do just what you are doing.

By shmoop27
Posted October 29, 2009 at 4:06 pm
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it really sounds like you are doing the best you can do. from what you wrote, if you are a bad mom, then sign me up on that list. lol i don't believe you can spoil a preemie. they all have to fight these big battles even to survive their first day in this world. i think you both should just enjoy each other. some days seem really long and hard, but it's all worth it in the end. with our son we are just now getting into a night routine. he was born may 15th at 28weeks and 2 days. he really didn't want to sleep at night and it was wearing both of us out. now he goes to bed at 9-9:30pm and wakes up about 7-8am. i'm a happy bunny! i couldn't believe it the first night he actually slept. but nap time is like picking a "time" out of a hat. that boy can't make up his mind what makes him happy. he likes it best when he falls asleep on me, but when i try to put him down, he's like oh no you don't, and starts his crying fit like someone is chasing him with one of those nose balloon cleaners. so forget house work and mommy time. :( lol

By Monimom
Posted October 30, 2009 at 12:20 pm
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Alexacolbert,

How horrible. I am so sorry for your loss as well. No one should have to go through such things. You are in my prayers as well! Lots of love and peace.

Emmaandme,

Everyone has given great advice. I agree with what Katek said about she is too young to spoil. I have 3 kids and it has been my experience with all of them that they do not make the connection until 7 or 8 months about how to manipulate. At that time you can create bad habits if you are not setting limits.

My 3rd, Maia, is my premie with DS who had a lot of hospital stay so she is delayed. I don't know what to adjust her age to but she is currently 15 months old. I guess she started understanding how to manipulate at around 13 months of age.

Up until that time you bet I held her as much as possible. And I am glad I did, because now she is so busy that she doesn't let me hold her at all. Or when she does, she is pulling my hair until it hurts and grabbing my glasses. Of course I am so grateful she is healthy enough to do any of these things.

Maia never napped well but also sleeps through the night and has since she was small. Some babies just don't nap or sleep very well. But I do agree that the reflux/small stomach probably has a lot to do with it. I am glad she gave you a 2 hour nap finally. Maia gives me that once in a while but I can't count on it so I am never prepared and can't make good use of the time. Clearly it is frustrating and I would love to get things done, but if that is my worst problem then I am doing pretty good.

It sounds like you are wonderful Mom and you will be a bit cautious because of what she went through and you will need to be to keep her safe. But you clearly think of your daughter and that is a great thing. Soon you will realize that is becomes difficult to hang on to the hospital experience. One becomes so busy with life that it starts to fade away. I am trying to hold on to it so I never take Maia for granted. She is a blessing and a miracle as are all children.

Good luck!

Monimom

By 1pair-n-1spare
Posted October 30, 2009 at 2:30 pm
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CONGRATULATIONS!!! I hope you had a nice cup of tea while you managed to fold (and hopefully put away) laundry.

Sometimes kids need to get in the "swing" of things too. I got my twin preemies to sleep in the swing during the day. What a Lifesaver those things were. Their reflux seemed worse during the day than at night.

And CONGRATULATIONS on getting Emma to sleep through the night at 4 months adjusted. No WAY are you the worst Mommy in the world.

Lisa

By emmaandme
Posted October 31, 2009 at 2:07 pm
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Thank you for all the advice and encouragement. It is nice to hear that other people are in the same boat as me. She does nap sometimes great during the day, but sometimes we just get those 20 min naps. I am so happy she is sleeping at night though. She is great, by 6-7 right down, once up to eat around 5-6 am, and back down until 8. Even 8:30 once this week. Thank god!! So we will just keep working on the naps during the day...I guess I shouldn't complain too much.
Thank you all!

Welcome to Inspire!

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