Sick of Qs regarding my preemie's size!!

hi all, m a mom of a 30-weeker who is still on a very skinny side, being under-weight from day 1 also. she is now 20 months old & 6.5 kg only...:( :(
well in spite of all these issues/tensions/hsptl trips n all that stuf dat v had never expected in our life, the thing which make me too much tense is answering people. whenever i meet someone, or at any public place like mall/hsptl etc, people ask me following questions for sure

1: Ohh so small/tiny? why??
2: don't u give her food??
or
is she fasting since birth??
3: why don't u consult any doctor??
4: don't u take proper care of her??
5: why do u take her out of home??

o GOD!! m really sick of these question...:(
i don't know for how long i would have to be answerable to people regarding her. i understand that she is really very skinny baby so people get shocked to see her, so raise question. but i have started feeling this world is very cruel!! people don't understand that of course being parents v must b doing each & every thing for her well-being! v must not be sitting on a chain with one leg on another...
if it was a group of people, i was supposed to talk to them for my ease, but its the whole world who z raising questions n ultimately making us more stressed!!
i m really worried as if she'll remain tiny forever????
shall i have to answer people for rest of my life?
will my daughter face same questions when she will grow older?
what complexes my daughter will develop being smallest student in class in future??
people compare her with their full-term healthy babies n get me into more complexes...i know there z no comparison of these too....
just wanna know HOW DID U FACE PEOPLE BEING A PREEMIE PARENT?
DID U PREEMIE GROW ENOUGH TO NOT LOOK LIKE PREEMIE???
ur feedback will b great help indeed.!!

Edited February 2, 2013 at 8:05 am

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Well, our daughter is 7 so I can say yes and no to your questions. It depends on the people, judgmental people will always judge. If it isn't one thing it will be another.

I have also had to cope with such feelings, as our daughter was very tiny since birth. I was introduced to a practice call "mindfulness" by some of our teachers and a therapist. The first step in this process is to pause and notice how you are reacting whenever someone else is doing something, especially if you find you are getting upset. "Mindfulness" can be developed for reacting to everything, the child being difficult or strangers or whoever. Just pause and take a breath. Can you then visual a calm and rational person giving a short, clear answer to a stranger's question?

I found that just noticing my discomfort lead me to consider it, and decide if it was worth my getting upset or not.

The next thing that has been very, very helpful for me is to learn about "temperaments." I found it helpful for understanding myself, my reaction to others, why others might behave as they do and why my child behaves a certain way. Now, generally, I can see someone saying what you say as someone who is going to judge me regardless of what I am doing and I don't waste as much energy on them wondering why they are judging me.
http://www.washingtonparent.com/articles/1001/temperament.php

So those are some ways that have helped me through.

I think that working on these interpersonal issues slowly has given me more energy to focus on the important thing, which is to work as hard as we could on nutrition, with our doctors, to help our daughter grow.

Some other things we have done to offset the difference is that I dress her in more layers. I found that this worked in two way, it filled out her clothes AND provided the layer of warm fat that she was missing. We live in a cold area, so putting her in 3 layers in winter worked well. It was just a matter of time to get her used to wearing the layers.

Our school district doesn't require Kindergarten until 6 years old, so we waited a year longer than most of our neighbors. In our daughter's case, she does act younger, so the wait made sense both physically and developmentally.

Now, interestingly, I find people do judge her because she looks so normal, but acts a little young. I try to take that with a grain of salt and shrug it off. Some days that is easier to do than others..

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