i cant stop thinking about when my water broke...

I was just getting ready for work about to get in the shower. I went to moms house to get ready since my mother in law has been staying with us and she was in the shower. I started throwing up just for a sec then turned to step in the shower I turned the water on and as soon as I did that my water broke. I was looking around thinking where did that come from then I looked down and blood was everywhere. I started crying and saying omg omg omg because I was only 24 weeks. I thought it was over. I went thru so much pain in my body and my heart in thos few mins that I can't get over. My daughter is doing good and now is 3.2 pounds from 1.6. So I'm not stuck on this bc I lost her. But every time I closed my eyes I would re live what happend and now I'm haven dreams where everything 100% is the same like I taped it and are watching it. I can't go to my moms house in her bathroom. I tried and I just started crying at the door. I just need to get over this hurting so much my baby is fine why am I still so upset?

Report post

8 replies. Join the discussion

I understand! Sounds like post traumatic stress disorder, I lost my first daughter after my water broke at 16 weeks, I relived it over and over, that very moment I knew it was over, it was so terrible and traumatic. It's so much to go through, I found I needed counceling and meds. That was before I delivered twins at 24.4 weeks, my surviving twin is almost 5 and I'm still healing from the trauma!

Report post

I totally understand! Both of my sons were premature. My first birth was really traumatic, for me, I was put under general anesthesia after 2 days of back labor and 2 hours of pushing for an emergency c-section. I woke up from anesthesia and my baby was in the NICU. To wake up from that horrible nightmare of labor, i felt like my son had been taken from me. He is now 4 and is totally healthy (both boys are, they are in my profile pic).

Even 4 years after my first and almost 3 years after my second, I am just now realizing the extent of my trauma. Both my husband and I have dealt with depression, anxiety, OCD, and PTSD. I have made myself crazy thinking "my boys are so healthy, I shouldn't still feel like this". That was what finally made me realize I needed help. Therapy and meds! I'm still working through it but I know it only got worse as time went on. You aren't alone and I definitely encourage you to see your doctor.

It's hard to recognize depression or any of these other things when something horrible has happened. I always thought "yea, of course I'm upset, I almost lost both of my babies!" But you really need to take care of yourself so you can enjoy that little one you fought so hard for!

I hope that helps!! :)

Report post

I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree with the others, having a premature birth is traumatizing. Especially since you have absolutely no control over the events.
I also agree that you may need to find someone (professional) to talk to for awhile, to help you get through this.

Report post

I know exactly how you feel. In September 2008 we woke up early to go get groceries......i sneezed, and felt what I thought was my water breaking.....quick - run to the bathroom to discover its blood....bright red, and a TON of it. Call my doctor while trying to get myself cleaned up enough to make the ride to the hospital.....doc calls back on the way to the ER...."you should have called an ambulance....have you felt your baby move?".....flash forward to L&D - doc comes in...nice and calm and seeming to take his sweet time.....they give me an exam....doctor to nurse "she needs a section...NOW"......everything was fast forward from there.....being prepped for a section before my mind can even comprehend what is happening. 30 minutes later they take my sweet girl from me....she's not crying....she's gray....she's whisked away to the NICU...i barely got a glimpse of her....spend the next 2 hours in 'recovery'...nurse - "honey, you need to sleep"...me - "sleep? i don't even know if my baby is OK...you're crazy if you think im sleeping!".....finally wheeled to the nicu on the gurney to see my tiny baby girl hooked up to IV's in an isolette....I'm told she's stable, and doing very very well - however they are waiting for the "other shoe to drop". Thankfully that didn't happen.

I relived this scenario in my mind every single time I closed my eyes....for a long time. It was extremely traumatic for me and very difficult to "get over". The only advice I can give you is not to suppress it.....let it happen...deal with the emotion. My daughter turned 2 this past September and I've finally come to terms with the fact that this is just the way it was. There is nothing I could do to turn back the clock....and even if I could...there would be nothing I can do to change what happened. Time heals. And thats the truth. Wishing you the very best.

Report post

oh man! i know!
when i was in the nicu i felt the same. even though zimra was doing well, whenever i felt gas or a belly rumble i would think it was the baby, and then realize it wasnt, and feel like ii lost the baby.
also, even when we had come home, if my belly suddenly cramped or i had a painful twinge or anything like that, i would automatically say to my self...oh no its a contraction! im loosing the baby! it just flashed into my brain before i could think!
its very strange, it took months for it to stop. now, if i have a sudden belly ache or side ache or cramp, like we all get from time to time, (especially if you had constipation from millions of percocet a day, or ouches from an emergency c-section) i know its just that, but i used to feel just like you did, and i often wonder if my terrible fear that i was"loosing the baby" even though he was born, was ptsd.
i became super depressed and anxious and nervous, so very nervous, after my 2 stillbirths. and i think i actually might have ptsd. this post has actually prompted me to bring it up to my doctor. thank you.
sometimes when i try to explain something to people,or answer a simple question, like, did you get the medical records to dr glaser? i try to get the words out but i dont make sense, my husband has to translate almost. and i space out. as i an typing this i am realizing it sounds weird. even to me!

Report post

What you are feeling is very normal.
My baby is almost 17/14 adj and I still have feeling of anger and sadness sometimes. Anger towards the Dr. for making mistakes and sadness from going through a very unexpected premature delivery(25+2)
I can't help thinking about it over and over and I blame myself for not being more pushing , for being so naive to think that Drs always know what they are doing.
I only hope that one day it will go away and I won't feel this way anymore.

Report post

I understand! My water broke in the middle of the night. I thought I may of wet my bed. I knew something was wrong so we went to the hospital. The told me that there was know way I could keep the baby cause I was only 22 weeks. The doctor wanted me to induce labor. I said know that I wanted to go on bed rest and wait to go in labor. They said that there was a good chance I could get infected but they let me go on bed rest. They moved me to a hospital with a NICU. I stayed there for almost 5 weeks. I made it to 26 and 6 days. My son is doing amazing! He should be home within days. I'm so thankful!

I still have nightmares about the night my water broke. I can't sleep the way I was sleeping when it happen. I just keep on trying to focus on my son and trying to stay positive.

Report post

Hi...I can definitely relate to what you are going thru. My water broke at 28 weeks and I was on bedrest at the hospital until 31 weeks, when I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl. She is now over 14 months old and is doing great! I too relive these moments every now and then. I still don't like to talk about it too much (unless the other person has a preemie too and can understand), but I don't think about it as often and when I do it is something I can manage. My daughter's birth has changed and reshaped my life. It will get easier for you...it will just take time! My thoughts and prayers to you; big hugs!

Report post

This discussion is closed to replies. We close all discussions after 90 days.

If there's something you'd like to discuss, click below to start a new discussion.

Things you can do

Discussion topics

Preemie links and resources


Narratives from the NICU -- Read the special report

Community leaders