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Lately I am feeling less and less happy to go to the NICU, there is not enough time to spend with my son. And it hurts thank God I was able to spend a week uninterrupted with him but, now that is over i had a cold so I wasn't able to go in and see him. I don't know if I am experiencing seperation anxiety it hass been over 3 months now, and only God is keeping me and giving me hope and strength, I miss my little guy dearly. What should I do
I know it is SO hard to find the strength to get up there everyday. When you are unable to be there- i just called about every hour, the nurses put a picture of my daughter and i in her isolette. May i ask why you are not able to get up there? If it is due to work i wold just ask for some time off or less hours. If you are feeling down i would talk to your doctor about some anxiety meds if you re feeling unhappy. Good Luck
I've been making the hour drive to the hospital every day for the past four months. I hate that on the days I have to work I only get to spend an hour with my daughter. I'm jealous because her father gets of work much earlier than me and spends several hours a day with her.
I think it's natural for you to have different feelings about going there. There have been days when I've been too tired to go. The worst are the days when I am too scared to go. Let's face it, the NICU can be the most terrifying room you will ever see in your life if you let it.
I hate to admit that some days I had to force myself to go. One of my daughters nurses said something to me one evening when my daughter was very sick. She said "You need to take this time to enjoy her" That is when I put all my fears and reservations behind and made the most of my visits. Even when I wasn't able to hold her, just being there to read her a story or hold her hand helped. It helped me and it helped her.
One more thing I forgot to add. The nurses had told me I could bring in music or recordings to play for my baby. What I did was bought a digital recorder and recorded myself reading chidlrens stories. I brought it in and the nurses play it for my daughter all the time. They say it helps her relax when I am not there and many of the nurses tell me they wish the other parents would do this.
emmanismom,
Is your concern that your son won't bond with you, or is your concern that you aren't doing what you need to do to bond with your son?
If you concern is that your son won't bond with you, I recommend putting swatches of cloth on your skin (e.g., in your bra) so that they can pick up your smell. Then, leave the swatches in the isolette near your son. The smell will give your son the impression that you are near. That will be a comfort to him. And when you do go to the NICU, try to do as much skin-to-skin as possible. That's also something you can do when baby comes home. I believe the major book on kangaroo cares recommends it until the baby is something like 3 months adjusted. You can do it when baby comes home!
If your concern is that you aren't feeling the appropriate attachment to your baby, then a couple thoughts come to mind. First, the whole NICU experience isn't "normal." It disrupts the usual attachment process. When my son was born, I read about how the attachment process was different, so I made a concerted effort to go through the motions of what I thought motherhood should look like until the shock wore off and hopefully the attachment would be there. It was. Also, from my experience with our foster daughter, I know that attachment can be created out of unusual circumstances. The process through which my DD and I have become attached is significantly different than the process through which my son and I became attached, but the important point is that in both cases, the attachment is there. Sometimes creating the attachment does take some deliberative work on the parents' end.
Second, moms with NICU babies are more likely to get PPD than full-term baby moms. And even in the general population, PPD strikes 20-25% of mothers. I mention this b/c PPD can disrupt attachment (shown in studies). So, if you have any inkling of PPD, come up with strategies now to address it. Best for baby if PPD gets nipped in the bud as soon as possible. And if you don't have PPD (that's great!), but make sure that you are taking good care of yourself so that the chances of it appearing later are minimized (that means sleeping, eating right, drinking water, and getting some exercise, such as walking).
Good Luck!
I also sometimes had to make myself go to the NICU because I was so drained with all the bad news. There were lots of days I went by myself because my husband just couldn't handle it. But I can say that I was with my son every single day that he was on this earth and even if it was only for an hour after work, I treasured every precious moment of it. After he was gone, I was glad that I was there every chance I had and didn't let the fatique or emotions keep me away. It's natual to be "run down" by the NICU experience, but just keep in mind that it is a temporary situation and won't last forever.
Thank you soo much, I appreciate the reminder that my son is a gift as rough as this experience is, my son is a gift. Thankyou Ladies very much I appreciated you advices and encouragments, may God continue to bless you and and your families as these experiences have definately made us stronger.
You are such a blessing...thank you for sharing such a private experience with me, thank you I will definatley appreciate my little angle more. This is such a trying time for me like you I never expected any of this, I just expected a healthy baby and that is it. Thank Jesus, God has everything undercontrol though it doesn't seem like it. Any ways I just wanted to say I appreciated your story, thank you again and God bless you and your family.
Hi - I see that you have some wonderful responses here. The one thing I would add is to talk to your hospital about kangaroo care. I am not sure if you are familiar with it but this is when they allow you to hold your baby skin to skin. I would take off my shirt and they would but a hospital gown over me and I would hold my girls. They say this is wonderful for the babies. I was able to do this while my girls were on CPAP. At first it was very short periods of time but then when they were able to tolerate it longer I could hold them for an hour. I found it to be healing for all of us. Best wishes.
I too was going through the same ordeal! Even now while he is in rehab! i don't wanna go because it's so hard to leave! The wonderful people on this site were very supportive! I think it's something alot of parents with preemies go through! Pray for strength! You are a great mom and you will get through this.
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