Are you still co sleeping at two?

Nevaeh-113
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Well I was wondering how many other parents are still letting their toddlers sleep with them. My daughter has always slept awesome in her own room. When she climbed out of her crib about six months ago she went to a toddler bed but would want to take her naps on me. We then both got sick and she has been with me ever since. I dont mind her in bed with me I am a single mom and it doesnt bother me. However she has always had bad separation anxiety and quick to temper. I have just had a child pshy come into the home for help we are still doing intake. My question is do you parents think it is bad to let your toddler stay in bed with you? Does it make them more clingy? I cant find anything online that says it is bad. All it will say can be bad for a marriage or relationship which is not a concern here. I have some hang ups about letting someone in our lives and that will not change and if and when it does she would need to be older. Looking for advice or any input or what your experiences you have. Thanks Mindy

21 replies

brneyedgrl827

my daughter is 18 months and still co-sleeps with me. (my husband is a light sleeper and so he sleeps in our bed while i sleep with her in another room) everyone has their own opinion on the topic of co-sleeping and i think that you just have to do what you feel is right for you and your child. although i do miss sleeping next to my husband, we find other ways to spend time together and i am a huge proponent of co-sleeping. my daughter falls asleep faster and sleeps better and longer...which in turn means that i sleep better and longer. for awhile, i considered putting her back in the crib, but letting her cry it out just doesn't feel right to me; it is likely that i will let her co-sleep until she is ready to make the transition.

supermom

None of my kids ever slept on my bed, ever!
I slept by their bedside for 3 months when they were on monitors and oxigen, but that was it.

If she sleeps great by herself at night in a toddler bed i.m.o then she is ready to sleep by herself altogether.

Good luck!

Boston

Our son co-slept with us the first 13 months of his life! I am completely pro-co-sleeping! The bonding is wonderful! We have since then switched to his own bed, but when we started letting him in our bed, we knew he might be there until he was 3! I would say go for it if you love it and don't care what others think! So much of the rest of the world co-sleeps...our society is so all about having our children be independant when then are 3 months old! We only have a brief time that they will be like this and I want to cherish this time when we are their everything!

Dr. Sears is a huge advocate of co-sleeping and says that is really benefits preemies! Check out his website! He believe in Attachment Parenting (co-sleeping, baby wearing, nursing, etc). We have practiced all of this and have found that Boston is actually very independent as a result. All his emotional needs are met, so he isn't starving for attention.

http://www.askdrsears.com/

hope this helps a little!

Nevaeh-113

Thank you so much I will take a look at dr sears and I am glad to hear that. She just does not want to sleep alone and that has only been in last 6months. I was on the computer last night (in my room) she was behind me in the bed she sat up said mommy mommy I turned around her eyes were shut and she was asleep. She does that alot lately in the last couple of weeks. Sometimes she says bye bye or crys or whines but right back to sleep. She is for sure dreaming about something but I think that may be why she wont go back to her bed. Thanks for advice.

NateAndTimsMom

I would not let my boys sleep with me when they were little. I didn't feel it was safe. Somewhere around a year we all had the stomach flu. I was out of crib sheets so the boys ended up in my bed. They liked it there, they slept better, I slept better, and it works! What didn't work was that after they ended up in my bed they would breastfeed until they fell asleep. Then they could not put themselves back to sleep when they would wake up in the night. That was awful! I was having to go in to my room to put them back to sleep many times before I even made it to bed. As a single mom, I often get to bed very late. Having to intervene made it even later! Now I breastfeed my boys and put them in their cribs awake. Their cribs are in my room. When they wake up they put themselves back to sleep. After I go to bed, if they wake up, they are more than welcome in my bed! They are always there by morning. So, like you, it all started with illness and it is still happening. With us it is in a modified way where I could change to no co-sleeping very easily. I was someone who was very against co-sleeping. I am still against actually having an infant in a parent's bed for safety reasons (although I advocate next to the bed). I know my boys are happy with our current arrangement. They are quite comfortable at home. They do have bad seperation anxiety, but I guess to me the key is that they are attached and they eventually get confident in new situations. Of course there is research both for and against co-sleeping. If it is working for you, why change? If it isn't working then figure out what to do. Of course I had planned to have my boys' cribs moved into their room at a year. At 20 months not only are they in my room still, my boys are welcome in my bed.

Nevaeh-113

Yeah I dont mind it but it has been suggested to me to try to get her back. I will be talking the therapist again this week and will see if we cant cross that bridge later. I think they feel it would help with her separation anxiety however that has always been bad and she has spent most of her two yrs in her own bed. I think after hearing the different views on it that I will let her stay for now. I am in no rush. When she turns three she will be tested to see if she needs to go in the early preschool program and if not I will put her into something called busy bees. I think that will be when she gets more confident. She does not go to daycare and all preschool things start at age three so I would rather wait. I dont need someone to just watch her and change her diaper I need her to socialize and do activities which I do with her now she goes places and plays with family friends. She has just recently started talking better which has made her play better I just think maybe our little ones just need that little extra and its always a friend of a full term baby that has something to say about the methods I choose. Oh and my one friend who says I should get her out of my bed still has her five yr old and four yr old coming in her bed in the middle of the night but she somehow thinks in my case it is hurting Madison. I think I will say what you guys have said and do what I feel is right for us. Thanks

Christina4

It is interesting that in our culture some people feel very negative about co-sleeping, while in other cultures around the world it is the norm. Our 4 year old still co-sleeps with us, and we don't have any issue with it. She is very independent and confident and we figure she will reach a point naturally were she will want more space from us. I say do what feels right for you and your child!

KellarsMommy06

Kellar turned 2 in April and he still sleeps w/us. This didn't start until after he was 1, when he was a baby he slept in his bassinet by our bed, then we moved him into a playpen, when he was big enough for his crib we moved the crib next to our bed and he slept there till he got sick and after a few nights of no sleep or sitting up in the recliner w/him sleeping on my chest I gave in and put him in our bed and he's been there ever since. Once Kellar falls asleep we'll move him into his bed ( which is still butted up next to ours ) and if he wakes up he'll crawl over the bedrail we have on our bed and into our bed..I'll be honest I love having my little one in the bed w/me, he loves to snuggle and there's just something about watching him fall asleep and knowing that right next to me is where he wants to be, they're only little once!

Nevaeh-113

I want to thank everyone again. I was just made to feel it is wrong and I am glad to find out I am not the only one out there. Thanks

internetjunkietiff

My oldest co-slept with me until she was around around 20 months. I met my husband when she was 18 months and he moved in with me a few months later. That's when she moved out of the bed. But, my 22 month old, she has her own bed. But, she basically falls asleep with us at night, and we move her (unless we fall asleep before her) and she's on the floor in our room, so when she wakes up, she wakes us up, not the rest of the house. My 5 month old, she prefers to sleep in her bed. She basically sleeps through the night, so that helps. But, once she wakes up at night, I feed her in bed and she usually never goes back to her own bed at that point.

Owen24weeks

My three year old ends up in bed with us on occasion, but not often. He is such restless sleeper, none of us sleep well if he's in bed with us. If it happens more than a couple of nights in a row, I end up exhausted from continuously waking up.

Just one thing to think about, we do what we have to do to get through sometimes, but my sister has an 8 year old still in bed with her every night. You may be setting a pattern now that may be very difficult to break down the road.

kyliesmommy

Kylie is two...when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she ends up in bed with us. She also couldn't be let to cry it out due to oxygen issues and now has trouble self soothing to get back to sleep. It's an issue for us simply b/c it makes it difficult for us to get a good nights sleep. I was reading the book No Cry Sleep Solution and it made a comment I thought you would find relevant. It was talking about if there is a problem. It said that if everyone in your family is happy with the sleeping arrangments (no matter what they are) you shouldn't feel pressured to change them. We ARE trying to get her to sleep in her own bed but more for her sake than ours so she does learn better how to put herself back to sleep. Good luck and remember, if it's working for you...don't feel bad about it!

NateAndTimsMom

For the most part I don't let people know that the boys sleep with me, that they are still breastfeeding, and especially that they breastfeed all night long. If it comes up I let medical professionals know. Therapists really don't have knowledge in this area (other than perhaps psychologists regarding the co-sleeping, but even then it's more opinion and probably not solid knowledge) and are just telling you what they think and what worked for them. I'd just not mention it to people anymore, divert questions, and only discuss it with those who may really know about it.

Timothy has been in the hospital since Sunday and for five nights now I have squeezed into the crib with him every night and he has breastfed all night. Not a single negative comment--and a few positive. In fact, when he was here in May someone actually told me I could crawl into the crib with him!

Is your daughter seperated from you much? If not, her seperation anxiety may simply be that she is used to being with you all the time and is not accustomed to being away from you. Until she can figure out that you will be coming back and that she is OK with you gone, there will be seperation anxiety!

Bottom line: do what you need to do! Some say co-sleeping makes more confident, independent kids (which totally contradicts the thought that it makes seperation anxiety worse).

katek

NateAndTimsMom,
I'm so sorry to hear that Timothy is in the hospital. Hope he is doing OK and will be home with you soon.
Best wishes.

JuLeesMom

My 9 year old was born with multiple heart problems so we started co-sleeping then because we were worried about SIDS....anyway, we still are co-sleeping. So now we have hubby and myself, my 9 year old, and the baby who is 10 months old (7 adjusted). The 9 YO is scheduled for another open-heart next summer so I don't expect to be getting her out of my bed anytime soon...

lilfiery

There's a really good book I got on Amazon (and recommended) written by a Dr. Jay Gordon "Good Nights: The Happy Parents guide to the family bed" I got it at a good price on amazon. It is exactly the information you would want to read. He makes a good statement that most animals sleep with their young, and the ones that dont' include cockroaches, snakes, etc. (I found that a cute reference). I wish my bed was big enough to allow my 2 year old to sleep with us--but he's a very active sleeper and so we tried having him sleep with us, but he prefers his crib now. My 5 month old sleeps in a crib beside us, as I don't think my bed is safe enough for him--I would like to junk our crappy bed and buy a futon to put on the floor, so we can all sleep together.....

happybunny202

You know what? I think it's all about what works best for you and your baby.

After 85 days in the NICU -and having lost my firstborn- I had visions of snuggles, rooming in (at the least), breastfeeding...

When Joshua came home, he was miserable. We tried everything the nurses had suggested (lights, sounds, etc.), as well as just about everything we'd read or heard, too.

In desperation one night, we put him in his "big" crib in another room, dark, with a cool humidifier but nothing else.

He slept through the night (12m-6am), and has been a "solid" *lone* sleeper ever since.

He loves to snuggle, so I'm not concerned that he hasn't "bonded" with us, so it was me who had to let go of expectations and do what works for him.

Best wishes,
Kyrsten

kimmym91

My daughter is FIVE and she still loves to sleep with us but we only allow her to sleep with us on the weekends. She is just such a cuddle bug! My husband is in the Navy and has been deployed quite a bit so a lot of the time it has just been my daughter and I, which is where she got used to co-sleeping.
My theory is do what works for you and your family. Going by books and statistics will only make you crazy!

Nevaeh-113

I hope Timothy surgery goes well. I think your right about not telling people anymore. It came up cause of a new therapist in the home trying to help sort out some of her behavior issues. We did agree that instead of trying to get her into her room that I would be willing to put her blow up pooh mattress it is very nice next to my bed. She said that sounded good. If she crawls back in then so be it. Tonight was very hard cause she went to sleep I jumped in the shower and she woke up (we use to joke when she was little that she could smell me and knew when I left the room) and I had the Hardest time getting her back down. She does have a little cold which could explain the last few days. She is usually fine with laying on my arm to sleep but last couple of days was to be on me to the point it is very uncomfortable for me and cries when I have to say no. Thanks again for helpful comments and I wont be kicking her out of bed anytime soon.

emnarbee

My 5 y.o still co-sleeps. Don't tell anyone...:)

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