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Victim

mikey
0 Recommendations

A couple of weeks ago I got a call from one of the many friendly debt collectors that constantly hound me. Usually, I just quickly hang up, but this time I decided to try to see if I could reason with this person. As far as the rationale behind my attempting to do that I can't say, in that my success or failure at swaying this person's opinion of my character would have absolutely no determination on my situation. It was just wasted energy. But, as I was attempting to explain my situation, this piss ant asked me in his most condescending tone if I considered myself a victim. My response was a terse reply. Hell no I am no victim. I then proceeded to say something about his mother and some other choice remarks. This f****** little punk doesn't know me and where does he come off as saying that! I am strong. I have mental resolve. Victim my ass.

Society is replete of people not accepting responsibility for their actions. Many people develop a victimization attitude which guides their life. Life can be a bitch and sometimes coming up with a means to defray the assault to one's self concept due to one's lack of success or esteem in life is necessary. But in today's society after electing a Black man as President, no person with an ounce of self pride can refer to himself as a victim. Nobody ever said life was easy, so get off your ass and create your destiny. Be strong.

Life is full of adversity and I am sure any one person can name situations in their own mind where they were a victim. But their own sense of pride would not let them openly profess this. I am talking about people with a strong sense of pride. We all know of people who fail to accept responsibility for any adversity in their life. I am not concerned with this life approach.

Turn on the local news any night and you will hear the word victim many times. It can be heard in the context of a woman being raped, a family losing their home due to foreclosure, a devoted family breadwinner losing his/her job or a myriad of other situations. Can anybody with any understanding of life really view these people as having a victimization attitude if they in their most darkest moments think of themselves as being a victim? Some how some way they have to pull themselves together and find another job, another place to live and as hard as it may be, that woman has to get her self respect and trust back. It will not be easy.

So in response to that piss ant, I am a victim. Unlike the laid off worker who with tenacity will be able to find another job to replace what he lost, I most likely will not ever walk again. Unlike the woman who was raped, I will never be a sexual being again. Unlike most victims, I will never regain what I lost.

What am I supposed to do with this self awareness? Wallow around in self pity? I have tried that, but not being of the mental make up that finds this behavior rewarding in any way it doesn't work for me. I am so sick of crying. Delude myself into thinking that I am going to walk again. Yeah, that sounds like good plan. What the mind can perceive the body can achieve. The "The Little Engine That Could" is my mantra. "Hope springs eternal" but eventually it does fade.

So right now I am in a state of uncertainty and it is up to me to resolve it. What works for one person will not necessarily work for me. What is so unique about this situation is that there is no real precedent that I can use to inspire myself. Many times in life when faced with adversity, a person can reflect on the paths that other people have taken as a source of guidance and strength. The unique nature of each person's life along with the complexity of paralysis on so many levels precludes this. I just try to take it day by day.

Yeah, so I am a victim. Even though paralysis has stripped me of my pride, I AM STRONG.

YESTERDAY, THE BIKE RIDE WAS HELL AND IT WILL BE THE SAME TODAY!

Explore topics in this discussion:

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14 replies

carole338

Mikey,

I read your posts religiously. You always have so much to say. Forget the piss ants. The world is full of them. We all need someone to inspire us. Your bike rides are starting to inspire me.

pistol12507

Thanks Mikey, I agree #$%^ the piss ants. Daydreaming of what might have been helps me. Just don't take it too seriously.
Thanks again

JerseyQuad

Mikey,

You write well, you write a lot and your smart. That's obvious. So I must ask, why aren't you working? After my injury I went back to college, graduated, got a job and now I pay my bills, travel and generally enjoy life more than most able-bodied people. Hell yeah I'd love to walk again, but it's most likely not going to happen. I think you have the intelligence to make a good life for yourself if you want.

pistol12507

I'm very happy for you "Jerseyquad". It must be wonderful being able to get your education and a job so as to pay your own way. Obviously, your degree is not in compassion. There are some of us that, for whatever reason, CAN'T work.. I'd like nothing better than having the alarm go off in the morning so that I could get ready for work as opposed to getting up so that I don't soil the bed. Look up compassion in the dictionary. You'll find it has nothing to do with self-pity or self-rightiousness. Get off your "horray for me horse" and apologize to all that you offended by engaging your fingers before your brain.
I apologize to anyone I may have offended with this "rant", but it just pissed me off.
Hey Mikey....Semper fi

JerseyQuad

Really Pete, you think that was a rant? Wow, for someone who closes a post with 'Semper Fi' you're awfully precious. As for my reply to Mikey's original post, I think telling someone they're a good writer and smart and encouraging them to get out and make something of this life IS compassionate. Being an enabler and encouraging someone to wallow in their own misery is not. As for the small mention of my life, the site is called inspire.com and that's what I was trying to do. I assure you my life is just as physically challenging as yours or Mikey's. Self-doubt and fear hold us back more than any physical disability. If you want to be pissed off, great. If you want an apology , sorry. Semper Fi

mikey

For a long time I have been a big fan of Saturday
Night Live. They used to do this skit called
Simma Da Na. It had to do with people expressing
mild angst over a situation and they would be told
to simma da na (simmer down now). So simma da na.

As far as myself looking for an enabler so I could wallow
in misery that could not be further from the truth. I do work from home
in that I am a Commercial Real Estate Broker, but that is a
real tough business now.

Self doubt and fear don't bother me. I guess
it all comes down to missing my former life. That is it.
It is always going to be that way.

I think it is important to define exactly what a
victim is. In my mind, a victim is the recipient
of an adverse life event. It can have short
or long term consequences. Recognizing
that you are a victim does not mean you are giving up
or wallowing in self pity. It is recognition
of the ominous challenges that you will have to
confront. It is about being real and honest.

There is no way to sugar-coat this crap.
PARALYSIS REALLY DOES SUCK.

BE STRONG

pistol12507

Sorry, I'm having a bad day. It started when the alarm went off too late and has gone downhill from there. Then Jerseyquad's reply set me off. I took it wrong.
I guess I was just looking for an arguement.
As always Mikey, you're right. Talk at you all later.

JerseyQuad

How many people get through life without an 'adverse life event?' No doubt paralysis sucks, but so does polio, spina bifada, cancer, severe burns, head trauma, poverty, famine, false imprisonment, the loss of a child, the loss of a parent... the list is endless. How you deal with adversity is the true test of character. I guess what you're saying (not trying to put words in your mouth) is that some people are 'asking for it.' For example: The drunk driver who gets paralyzed versus the person he hits who gets paralyzed. Obviously my sympathies would go out more to the 'victim' versus the driver. In that sense my injury 'happened' to me. OK. Now what? Do I live or die? If you choose life then why not choose to live well? I agree paralysis is a bitch and you know what, if I wasn't enjoying life I'm not sure dealing with it would be worth it. If you think your physical, mental and spiritual trials are unique I'm sorry but I disagree. Spinal cord injured people all deal with bowel, bladder, skin, sexuality, pain, etc. to some degree. The injury is what it is. It's also a convenient trap to blame the injury for issues that have nothing to do with the injury. You're in commercial real estate - times would be tough now whether you were in a chair or not. I wish you luck personally and professionally - hate the injury, love life.

mikey

It all sucks, polio, spina bifada, loss of a child
and a myriad of other life altering/changing
challenges. But how each person engages
life after being confronted with a life changing
situation is determined by the uniqueness
of each person. We all have baggage and issues
particular to ourselves. There is no one size that fits all.
It is very laudable that you have adjusted as well as you
have and I mean that.

There is no way that I am ever going to feel
guilty for being (for lack of a better term)
mad some times. I am not mad at life and I try
to laugh as much as I could. In fact, I was laughing just earlier
today when I got crap all over the bathroom after taking a messy
dump. Damn that was funny.

Also, I never implied that anybody asks for it. That
is just plain (in deference to propriety) not smart.
As far as my looking at paralysis as a convenient
trap that is (screw the propriety) F****** CRAZY.



NOBODY CAN TELL SOMEBODY WHO IS IN PAIN HOW TO HOLLER!

Peace,

Mike

pistol12507

Well, if nothing else, there is three of us doing a lot of bitching. I know that's not the correct word for what's been written her, but complaining wouldn't be correct either. Maybe venting works better.
Again, I apologize for yesterday. Today is a new day, and the alarm went off on time. Good day so far.
I hope everybody has a better day today than yesterday. Semper fi

mikey

Nah Pistol, we weren't bitching or complaining. Maybe
venting is a good word. Maybe there isn't any word
for what we were trying to express. Try to be nice
to people, but you have no reason to apologize.

You say Semper Fi, I say Peace.

Take care

pinkharleygurl

Victim? Interesting title. I've enjoyed reading these posts today. We are none of us victims. Life happens. I'd wanted to learn to ride a bike forever and I had the prettiest 1200cc sportster with more chrome and louder pipes than my hubby's road king. One ride, one accident.

There are times I miss walking so much, I feel like I can't breathe. I miss riding horses, but you know what? I'll be doing that again soon, just with a different saddle. I miss feeling like a beautiful woman. I miss feeling like I am a wife.

I survived 2 abusive marriages, a nervous breakdown and suicide where I floated above my body. I had a victim mentality then but not now.

I have a renewed relationship with my eldest son from whom I was estranged for 3-1/2 yrs. If it took losing my ability to walk to wrap my arms around him, so be it. Personally, I don't believe God works that way. We are allowed free will.

We have been given a new perspective on life and what is really important - relationships - even the ones we make in this genre.

Hey Mikey - I'm a hard money underwriter and I specialize in commercial loans. If you have deals that need financing especially since there is no A&D $ out there, you know how to reach me. I work from home and feel so blessed to do so; however, I would love to get up early, get a shower, fix myself up and drive to the office for a 10 hour day. I miss that too.

As far as bill collectors are concerned, just tell them you refuse to pay and they will leave you alone. In Texas your wages can't be garnished - only by the IRS. I owe $1/2 million in medical bills. My credit is ruined, but I get to hug my son so who cares!!!

Peace, love and Semper fi. (Hubs is marine)

Pink

mikey

I am not looking at paralysis as a reason to give up.
I know I am not the only one and I am not looking
for any pity. But not to recognize the gravity of
what happened in my mind is living in a state of denial.
If a person doesn't recognize reality, problems can
manifest themselves later on.

The word victim to me as I said depicts the recipient
of a profound life event. It does not necessarily
mean a person is giving up. I am a victim of paralysis
in that my life has forever changed. I have not given up.

The fact that I am paralyzed undermines my ability
to perform certain functions or meet some responsibilities in life.
I can't even turn off my ceiling fan. I will never be able to pay my medical bills.
Why can't I do that? If I don't make any money I will have to be on disability for the rest of my life. I am doing all that I can so that doesn't happen. In some ways, I can't fend for myself. Does that make me lazy or a person lacking responsibility? Not in my mind. At this time I am doing the best I CAN since being paralyzed mitigates my responsibility in certain aspects. I hate it, but it is reality and I have to be honest and deal with it.

I am also doing the best I CAN regarding the many other issues that I have to confront. There is such a sense of loss and I can't deny it. I know I am not the only one, but I can only concern myself with me and how I feel.

So I am a victim and I will never concede defeat
nor will I ever declare victory either. The sense of loss will always be there.

I understand what happened to me in the context
of the arena of life. To quote that great unamed
philosopher "shit happens". You just have to
deal with it through you own FRAME OF REFERENCE.
I am no wimp. I just rode the exercise bike and it was
brutal and frustrating as always. At least I didn't
pee on myself or crap on the bike. I am going
to hit it again today.

An accurate recognition of a life event and
and a drive to persevere are not mutually exclusive
mindsets. At least in my case.

PARALYSIS SUCKS

OBAMA/BIDEN

Hey Pink---All I can say is, Damn women drivers.
I still have my rapier wit (though tasteless as ever)

BE STRONG

carole338

Mikey,

When you put it that way (life changing event) I guess I am a victim of paralysis also. I had breast cancer almost 10 years and thought that was life changing, but it wasn’t. I lost my mom, dad and closest cousin and I don’t consider myself a victim but part of life’s journey. Lost jobs, been fired, had miscarriages, worked through a 45 year marriage, all these and not a victim in site. But paralysis, yeah, really life changing. And my heart goes out to ALL.

But the statement “it’s a convenient trap to blame the injury for issues that have nothing to do with the injury” I say every issue I have today I can blame on my injury. My issues are money, responsibility, and being able to take care of my self and family. All these are the result of being in a chair. And don’t give me the bullshit that I can work. I do more than most AB people when it comes to inside the house but outside is another issue.

And Pink, good luck to you. Family is so important.

Be Well,
Carole

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