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Hi!
I'm a new mom to an 8-month-old baby girl. I also have a T10 incomplete SCI that I sustained almost 18 years ago when I was 13. I wanted to start a discussion about the issues that we parents with disabilities face as we are raising our kids, as well as to create a place for all of us to share ideas for how to make our lives easier.
My daughter was 2 when I had my accident, 7 now. At first I was very worried about how I would take care of her, play with her, etc. After a while I realized that just because I couldn't do things the "normal" way didn't mean there wasn't "another" way. Trial and error, big time! I have found that my daughter is much more independant than other kids her age. For instance she gets her own drinks, gives herself baths, cleans up after herself, helps out more. I don't think that's a bad thing. More kids today should! The key for me has been to excel and what I CAN do for her. My daughter was writing by 3, math skills by 4, and reading by age 5. We play lots of board games, card games, read together, cook together, watch movies together, and talk, talk, talk. Sure it's different, but it's still great. If she misses that I can't run around with her she never says so. I think it's because she still feels like she is getting plenty of attention and "fun time" with me. Parenting takes alot more than being physically there and we can still teach and guide our kids through all life's obstacles. After all, who knows them better than us?
on SCI's and being a mom: http://www.paralinks.net/pregnancysci.html
I agree with everything itilianlady said. My daughters were 10 and 12 when I became paralyzed. They are now 17 and 19--both well adjusted, independent young ladies. The hardest thing for me these past several years has been not allowing the assistance they give me due to my injury to interfere with my role as their parent. I didn't want to be more lenient with them due to that fact.
I suffered a C5-C6 incomplete spinal cord injury in August of 2002. I am a father of two children. A little boy who is now 10, and a little girl who is 7, I spent about 8 weeks in rehab, and was regained use of my left side and about 10% of my right side. I can get from A to B, but it is not very pretty. I was able to return to work, and I am able to provide a living for my family.
I know my injury had an impact on my children, but at their age they are pretty forgiving. There friends are starting to ask questions about my injury (i.e. why does your Daddy walk that way?) And so far it is going well.
Two years ago I purchased a Segway, and you would be amazed on how it has changed my world. I was able to traverse the trails of the Grand Tetons, Yellowstone Park, the sands of Negril, Jamacia, the zoos, and my son and I have been to several athletic events. It has changed my image, and I can see the excitement in my children's eyes when they see people wanting to take it for a spin.
I guess my greatest fear is that my injury would destroy my ability to be a husband to my wife and a father to my children. And I guess i still have that fear. I take each day one day at a time.
Parenting is hard enough without a disability.
Original poster herer - It's so great to hear all of your stories! I really like that I finally feel like it's not just me out there, reinventing the wheel. I agree with the last poster - I don't ever want my disability to hold my daughter, Caroline, back. Amazingly, I feel like she is somehow aware of the fact that I sometimes can't get to her immediately, or that she may have to work a little bit harder for me to pick her up, etc. Even though she is 8 1/2 months old, she already seems to be gaining a bit of independence, and seems to like it (she has such a proud look on her face when she accomplishes something - it totally makes my day). She is so funny - just learning to crawl and pull up all at once (we were out yesterday buying all the babyproofing gear - I highly recommend the "KidCo retractable gate" - bolts into the wall, no lip on the ground to try and ride over, and retracts fully so that it doesn't make narrow doorways even moreso). Her new favorite things are to 1) pull up on my wheel and try to use it as a chew toy (gross!), and 2) crawl under my chair and use it as her own little fort! Anyways, I am excited to see her doing the things that other babies are doing - obviously I'm doing okay with her if she is on track, right?! It's very reassuring to know that I haven't inadvertently held her back. I really appreciate all of your comments - keep them coming!
Once you have children . . your heart is not your own. They are a part of you, and they know it.
Its been 22 years since a horseback-riding accident left me a paraplegic (T12-L1). My children at the time were 8, 5, and 13 months. They were my inspiration as I worked towards becoming independent and able to be a part of their lives. I am proud to say that I have raised 3 extremely independent and caring individuals. There were times that I wondered if they were embarrased to have a mother different than their friends. But when my oldest daughter as a young mother herself, gave me a framed verse called "The Warrior," in which it describes someone who was protected from many of the devastations of life by another person, I cried with the knowledge that I had done something right. My youngest daughter has also expressed to me that I am her hero and her inspiration and a big reason that she has become the successful person she is today. In coming to grips with my accident, I used to wonder why me....but now i feel the reasons are there. My children are wonderful strong people, who hopefully will in turn inspire others in their lives because of it. And I, after my children reached college age, returned to college myself, graduated, and am now a highschool teacher and a Head Girls Basketball coach in a Catholic school. It is there, that I hope I can inspire others as well, not to accept the road blocks and limitations that life tries to set for us.
Hello,
My name is Lisa and I have osteoarthritis of the spine, neck, and other joints as well as low bone density. My problem is that our son is a special needs child, who's difficult to control when he's having a tantrum. Does anybody else have this problem?
Hi everyone - original poster here -
I'd be interested to hear what the veteran parents have to say about this one, as well, since my daughter is now 9 months and is beginning to assert herself more and more. It hasn't been too hard so far, but I can anticipate that sooner or later she will throw a fit and I'll have to deal! Any tips for the physical side of dealing with a tantrum???
Jenny
Wow. May I say to you, espeically this day after Mother's Day, "I bown down"! !!! :) That is an amazing story! I needed that today. Thank you. I am a mother to a wonderful, truly amazing man (I still think of him as a boy :) that is Paralyzed at T-12.
I was wondering if you would post or email me your poem called The Warrior. I would love to read it.
Thanks for such a great example for the rest of us to follow.
God Bless
Thanks Jodi. I'm happy to be able to raise your spirits. I'm sure your son sees you as his warrior as well. Happy Belated Mother's Day to you as well. Here is the poem:
The Warrior, by Larry S. Clark
This morning my thoughts traveled along
to a place in my life where days have since gone
Beholding an image of what I used to be
As visions were stirred, and God spoke to me.
He showed me a Warrior, a soldier in place
Positioned by Heaven, yet I saw not the face
I watched as the Warrior fought enemies
That came from the darkness with destruction for me.
I saw as the Warrior would dry away tears
As all of Heaven's Angels hovered so near
I saw many wounds on the Warrior's face
Yet weapons of warfare were firmly in place.
I felt my heart weeping, my eyes held so much
As God let me feel the Warrior's prayer touched
I thought "how familiar' the words that were prayed
The prayers were like lightning that never would fade.
I said to God, "Please, the Warrior's name"
He gave no reply, he chose to refrain
I asked "Lord, who is broken that they need such prayer?'
He showed me an image of myself standing there
Bound by confusion, lost and alone
I felt prayers of the Warrior carry me home
I asked "Please show me Lord, this Warrior so true"
I watched and I wept,
for MOther...
the Warrior--was you!
On July 4 of this year I had a 4-wheeler accident and injured T11 and T12. The dr. listed it as incomplete. In your bio you state that you walk with a cane. If you don't mind me asking, what were you like right after the accident; as in what you could feel and move and/or not feel and move. I'm very determined to get better. I can now walk with a walker and/or forearm crutches. I have braces for my legs but don't use them much. I feel I do better without them. I have a 7 year old girl also. She has been great. She seems to like helping me. I'm not sure how long that will last....LOL. My mom is currently staying with us to help me until I feel better to be on my own with my girl. I'm still in physical therapy and have not returned to work yet, but plan to once I get the brace off my back Sept. 25! I would love to chat with you if you'd like.
Hope to talk w/ you soon.
My son was 15mo when I was injured so he never knew me any other way. I've had three more children since and they adapt.
When they were babies they just seemed to know what I could and couldn't do. For example when my husband holds them they wiggle & squirm but if I have em they hang on to me.
Children are resilient and will do more for you than you can ever imagine when I need help they're already there.
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