They are going to turn off my phone on Tuesday if I don't pay the bill by then. People have been helping me with my bills and I hate having to ask. The dependency aspect is the worst thing about being paralyzed. I am a commercial real estate broker and I hope to get off disability and become self sufficient. I just have to close some damn deals.
When I think about the last 3 years, I can't come up with any upside. I have not felt good physically since becoming paralyzed. The bottom half of my body it seems, is fighting me constantly conveying to me in no uncertain terms that it doesn't want to be here. But, if it has to be here it is going to play by it's own rules, which are to try to make my life as miserable as possible.
I don't know if I am doing a good job handling this and who could possibly say, for anybody's opinion (good or bad) is based on their own subjective standard which is totally out of sync with my interpretation of my reality. The bottom line is, I am handling this at any given moment the only way I can.
There are people who are of the opinion that I should be in some form of public housing or a group home. You see when ever you ask for any help most of the time it doesn't come without that person's 2 cents. Now, I could handle their OPINION if they help, but, keep your opinions to yourself otherwise. Maybe I have an attitude (lol). If it ever came to the point that I had to move and give up my dog, I don't know how I could handle it. I am just trying to hang on. Maybe, it is important that I still have a little self determination within the parameters of my life's reality. Beep Beep is my dog.
I haven't been riding the bike, for I am trying something new. I have been standing up 500 times and it takes about an hour. It used to be easier for me to do it which is so frustrating. About 2 years ago, I could stand up some times without pulling with my arms and now I can't come close. But, for reasons that I can't articulate, I guess I have to keep trying. I am going to hit it now CAUSE MIKEY AIN'T NO PUSSY or maybe I am.
Attitude, come on Mikey ain't got no attitude or maybe I do.
Beep Beep just crapped in the house. GOD, I LOVE THAT DOG!!
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- By mikey
- Posted August 27, 2009 at 1:17 am · 2 replies
- In Living your life
- Shared with the public
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- By pistol12507
- Posted August 27, 2009 at 10:52 am
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Hang in there Mikey. We all (or at least I) have periods like this. It's like why are you doing this to me? "They" say God will never give you anything you can't handle. Well, He's really pushing the envelope with me sometimes.
Say "hi" to Beep Beep for me.
Semper fi
- By Patricia7
- Posted August 27, 2009 at 11:23 am
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Mikey,
I think standing is a far better exercise than the bike anyway. You get full weight bearing, keep your range of motion, and all this keeps your muscles lengthened and your bones strong.
I wish it were better for you financially and you could manage to stay put, with your dog. You have enough to deal with as it is! Your attitude is what keeps you so interesting and vocal! I wish you could find work writing!
High five to Beep Beep! Take care of each other..
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