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My Son's Depression-He Doesn't Want To Live Paralyzed

Blondeyvonne
4 Recommendations

I'm a very concerned and worried mother of my 22 year old son who has been paralyzed now 1 year as of Dec. 8th, 2008. He is paralyzed T8 down.
My son has been to counseling, also has a social worker I met who comes to the house and talks with but they have become friends and his social worker brightens him up when he comes to visit.
After my son came home from being in the hospital 2 months, was home 5 months and my husband of 23 years
decided he wanted to divorce.
My son cries alot, says he does not want to live and is not motivated at all. We cannot even get him out of the house very much.
What can I do to help my son and myself for what we are going through. He only has Mississippi Medicaid and I don't want to lose my son.

This is a Big Cry For Help.
I

Explore topics in this discussion:

Exercise Surgery Counseling Spinal cord injuries Anxiety ALS Pain Depression Mental health Spina bifida Adderall Paralysis Stress

50 replies

mtndreams

Blondeyvonne

Just wondering how your son is doing now? Depression seems to be common when one is suffering all the time, emotionally or physically. Hope he seeks the help he needs - as a Mom you can only offer assistance and pray he will become stronger in mind and body.

Hope he is making movements forward. Life is worth living, even with limited mobility.

JuneBaby

WOW! Toni2, what an inspirational post! My 5 y/o granddaughter, paralyzed Complete T7 last year in a car wreck, has a true zest for life, is friends to all, and does almost everything any other 5 y/o does, just in a different way!

I see her future as very bright and exciting just like your son.

God bless you both!

Toni2

I feel awful that your son hasn't been able to find something worthwhile to change his outlook. I have a T8-T9 that I really have a hard time keeping up with. Once he realized all he was capable of the sky is his limit. You need to find a way to get him into some physical activity with others with his ability, Notice I said ability and not disability because that needs to be his focus and he is more than able. Mine won't let anyone or anything stand in his way, rock climbing, water skiing, hockey, toured US in a tent, jumps on multiple trains from his college to buddies colleges and is getting ready to do another tenting tour and end up in Alaska, a lot of me wants to put him in a bubble but never in a million years did I imagine him enjoying life so much more than his "ablied bodied" friends. You really need to find one thing that makes him realize his potential to enjoy life and ya, can't keep the girls away from him either, it's all possible just find one activity in your area and hope that sparks his enjoyment to try more. The hope is there.
We are just 5 years post injury and it really seems like a lifetime ago. I do believe what tries to break us only makes us a stronger, better person. Get through this stage and no one will break either of you. Good luck.
Toni

Bestgurl

At the age of 24 years old and a mother of three I was beaten up by a boyfriend. I ended up paralyzed from my neck down, no feeling, no movement. I never asked God why me. Instead I told myself, why not you? He has to know that he has a purpose and life isn't over. He just has to learn to except himself the wat he is for now. I never gave up and God up above knows that IT WAS NOT EASY. I had no family support and my children had been adopted out. But, I to know that It brought me closer to God. I use every negative situation that I go through in my life and find or make a positive outcome out of it. I took the year that I had spend in the hospital and learned who I really was. I never gave up on me and I never gave up on God. Yes! I had some bad days but, one thing that I have noticed about those days they gave me the strength to keep fighting. It has not been easy but, today my feeling is back to normal, I can stand on my legs and I am writing without the use of braces. The only way an SCI can beat you is that you let it. I have also started two bussinesses. Don't let it win. You are the master of your fate. He needs to find out what he is good at and focus on those things. It is good to get mad also to cry as long as when you are finished cring you get back up and try it again. His life is preicous, so is he. He needs to know that he does matter and we still need him. It is not how others perceive you it is how you perceive yourself that counts. God said the sky is the limit baby boy so grab life by the hand take a flight and let it lead you. I hope in some way this helps you and gives you a little comfort. It may not seem like it now but you will again smile.

May God continue to Bless you and give you PEACE.

Learning1

As you can tell, others have been in the same position. Don't give up, and don't give up on looking for things that can make a difference.

See my post on the LLLT (Low Level Laser Therapy) column, which gives the results of years of research, where they were finally able to get complete recovery with a rats that were completely paralyzed. And they were expecting to begin their first human experiments within a year (and that article was posted in 2008). And the thing about that article is that they achieved the results there WITHOUT SURGERY, just using low level laser light.

greensmile

hi :)
i agree with aithorjohn.see the broole ellison story and read about chris reeve.their is also a film out that was produced by his son.both are tremendous and inspiring.lots of hugs,and encouraging smiles :) :) :)

AuthorJohn

Hello,
My heart goes out to you today as I sit in this cafe in New York reading your message. There is a wonderful film that I suggest you watch with your son, called
The Brooke Ellison Story (2004). You can get this on DVD. Buy it, watch it. Over and over if you have to. It's quite a story. It was a made for television movie that came out maybe ten years ago or so. Another excellent film that deals with paralysis is The Diving Bell and the Butterfly.
Also, I have been attending Al-Anon meetings for 13 years now. Though Al-Anon is primarily a support group for people dealing with alcoholics in their lives, it also teaches spiritual principles that revolve around letting go of things that you cannot control. You have my deeply heartfelt prayers and compassion.
-John

jslegal

Getting more physical, with weights for upper body strength will help his outlook! Maybe the local gym will donate some time for him... worth a shot. See if there are any wheelchair rugby teams locally. . . what about your local Georgia resources... what about school? I know that these questions have probably already been asked... but it is worth a shot. God bless and your son and you are in my prayers.

greensmile

hi :)
i'm sure this situation is painful and sad with all that has transpired in the passing year.with things like this we all go through a cycle of mourning,but at some point,soon one has to become aware of the positive things in life,and try to leave behind what "was".a new page must be started with one decision related to one question.does the paralysis have you,or do you have paralysis?i always choose the second half,meaning,i have a.l.s. but it definitely does NOT have me.i continue with my activities as best as possible,change where change is needed,and keep going.if i need to have a release through a good cry,i allow myself a short cry,and that's it.i don't dwell upon the losses which are numerous but i dwell upon what i am still able to do albeit with technology,even breathing.i thank G-d for technology because this is an issue of quality of life.life is too short and too dear to blow away with depression and negative feelings.
their is a saying,"the worst disability is a bad attitude"
this is so true.if one adopts and maintains a good attitude nothing will stand in ones way.
never ever give up hope,keep the faith,and keep smiling.hugs to you all :) :) :)

PATRMX250

i might have an idea of your sons dipression i have been there nothing in world matters for acouple of minutes so you wish death its very sad and scary. spend alot of time with him but dont baby him his still a 22yr old guy ask his girlfriend to show him alot of love, tell his friends to take him out it it will make him feel like a dude again. find out what he wants right now. telling him about god and school right now problably doesnt work because his not ready yet. does he spend a lot of time on line pc?

JuneBaby

This may be a better link to the article on Richard Heuer.

http://www.clarionledger.com/article/20090421/FEAT/904210347/1242/health

JuneBaby

Hey Blondeyvonne... did you see this in last night's local paper?

Made me stop and think that people are struggling all over !

Wonder if your son would qualify for any of these services / programs. Don't these folks go to the same church that you do?

http://www.clarionledger.com/section/health

Rejeena

I suggest Christian Psychology.....really works!

goldy24k

Tell your son to keep thinking positive. That is what has kept me going thru the years. I have hemiparalisis on the left side. I need help to do just about everything. I think they will have something to help us soon. My paralisis is from a closed head injury.

GarvinJr

I feel for you and your son. Sadly I feel his pain, after coming home from the hospital after 9months I have the same thoughts. I'm now 40, I was 38 when I had my accident, I live alone, take care of myself and work, it's a IT job and if it weren't for that I wouldn't leave the house. I have a step daughter that I don't see very much but love with all my heart. I was paralized after a accident 2yrs ago, T6 complete and two fused wrists, before that I was a very indipendent person. I could fix almost anything and enjoyed remodeling my home, working on the car ect... I can't forsee living the next 5, 10, 20 years like this. I'm sorry, your son should be thankful he has someone like you to support him. My family is busy and I can't ask anymore from them than what they already give. I have only coworkers no real friends. If your son has family and friends, that is a good reason for living. I have met other men in our situation and some of them have relationships and are married. He is lucky in a way that I am not. I wish you and him the best of luck. You will be in my prayers.
Thank you,
Henry

greensmile

hi guys :)
the first thing is never ever give up hope,keep the faith,and keep smiling no matter what.secondly.do you have paralysis or does paralysis have you.i say to people that i have a.l.s. but it doesn't have me.sure i've lost a heck of a lot,sports,my ability to play flute proffessionally,drawing,writing,and the list goes on,but their is sooo much out there to be accomplished and learned,new quests,new horizons.one must rejoice in what one still hasand leave behind what is lost as this is now only extra and heavy baggage.go forward and put your trust in the Lord because He will guide you.if one door closes,100 doors open.we've only got to put our hands on the handle and open that door to discover a new world of beauty and wonder that offers so many new oppurtunities.with one ounce of effort we can move mountains.may i suggest you look up nick vujcic,his site"no limbs,no limits will literally lift your spirit.
lots of hugs,and encouraging smiles :) :) :) :) :)

wcjeffy

I cure my depression with a good bike ride. In the past I snow skied and played basketball. I was not into basketball prior to my injury but I got camaraderie and took out some aggressions. I water ski when I get the offer from any boat owner, same with snowmobiles or quads.

TraceD

Try to find a support group where he can see others with more severe injuries adapting. Look for one that is positive and not a victims type mentality. From my reading and from people I've met 2 years seems very common for the big emotional setback, most wish they had mourned a year then moved on. Good luck, my wife who was my caretaker, went through way too much but I thank God for her support and she too has moved onto surfing at 56, bless her soul.

papito1

hi i understand what your son goes through i myself t7 and thought of life and death. im in pain everyday... some greater then other days but i manage through this and i would say it works, only if one get tp know the LORD! if it wasnt for JESUS i would been insane! its not easy even with the LORD but he manage to give me hope. see beyond life and soften my heart and bring to me that peace and love i need. if he is in mystery, give him a bible and ask him to figure it out why everybody is in love with it. watch christian chanels. give it a try is all you can do, you may never know, dont force it but just watch it if he is around and see if he find intrest in it... hope your son work through his issues. my prayer are with him and all his love ones.
GOD BLESS Sammy

upperboard

To Twisted (and poster)

you might be surprised, 'Twisted' - I for one if I had the choice, would go through life in a wheelchair. I know what it is like to cath, the other various... 'life' problems involved, the stress, anxiety, and so-forth. I also know that my mental condition, overall back pain,thigh/knee pain, etc. has virtually disappeared when I am in a wheelchair, and could care less bout society. you posted:

'Well golly - given a choice, who wants to live paralyzed? It's not a question of want - it's a question of are you going to let it beat you. Have you been in touch with your state Vocational Rehabilitation department to see about college or something. It took me about two years to kick the 'blues' after my accident. After that, I just got tired of feeling sorry for myself. T8? Still has use of upper torso? C5 here, it can always be worse. '

your right C5 might be a bit overkill. but with no health insurance here and inability to get the local no-health-insurance welfare group to help (since I dont qualify for various European-prior work abroad reasons, nor do i with the little time worked in the usa before the downturn) I have had to make the most I had. I currently have a sport chair and a quad chair, the two best investments i've made.... while medication only helps so much for some people, a wheelchair CAN BE the best thing that has happened to people - now I know plenty of us were active (including myself) and had it suddenly jacked-away from us. Whislt I have had several (one VERY controversial) health slow deprecating and concurrent condition, I am working into how I can slowly transition my life into being 'categorized' as a paraplegic or quadriplegic (I must admit my back feels extraordinarily better in my quad chair) all out of pocket, as I struggle to make those minimum payments on the very credit cards these days that helped me to buy these items. Things can always get worse, and stop throwing yourself a pitty party. Most on here are stronger and do not - we all need inspiration at time, but lets not JUDGE. Perhaps an anti-depressant would help for the poster? a stimulant one? worse comes to worse, stimulants such as Adderall on a temporary few month basis seem to 'blast' people out of the rut from what I've seen (including me a year ago when I couldn't go on). Just my two cents to everyone and hope everyone had a happy easter!

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