There was a time, which at this time the reality of it's presence is only a distant memory. Things were so different back then. My reflective moments can surface anytime throughout the day, the common trigger being a need to somehow escape. I can't say if that is good or bad and nor could anybody else.
It seems my best reflecting is done through music. The passing of time contemporaneous with a fading memory enables me to reflect in terms probably out of sync with reality. But, if I want to do that I will. Because no matter how delusional my reflecting may be, seeing myself in my reflective state a complete man is a good escape. My perception of my reality today, which may be misguided to some people is not delusional. It is real and I know what I need to do for me at this time. I can't speak for you or anybody else, but, I can speak for me.
Music enables a person to reference certain periods. You could hear a certain song and then you are brought back to that period. Were those great times? If you were to ask me at the time I don't know what answer I would have given. I do know I had hopes and dreams, which, at this time seem so far removed from my present state.
It was 1969 and I had 2 parents who cared deeply about me and a blue beat up Volks Wagon Beetle. My parents have long since left this world and the unmistakable sound of my VW's engine has been silent for many years. May my loving parents and my VW rest in peace. They were a part of me.
It has been it seems like an eternity since I have been able to do some things taken for granted. Back in the aforementioned 1969 when I really could not answer regarding whether I was content, my life was guided by an array of rituals that were engaged without giving any thought. An activity that would fall under these has an universal justification and becomes essentially taken for granted.
I used to stand up in a shower in 1969. Never gave it much thought engaging in this cleaning ritual. In late 1969 there was a song that was popular that was in sync with my dreams. In order to satiate my need to hear it, like many other songs I purchased the record. As I would stand up in the shower, with my sense of hearing drowned out by the stream of water engulfing my head and the perfect acoustics provided by the tiles in the shower, my reflections are I could sing my way into any lady's heart. I just needed the right girl to take a shower with me. Oh well one of Mikey's unfulfilled dreams.
In the shower I could hit all the notes. Today, I can't take a shower anymore and my voice is what it is. I miss my parents and my old VW. But, I will always love this song, it helps me to reflect. It was a good year 1969 and I could sing.
Be strong,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAmcCdvZCDg
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Engulfed By A Shower
- By mikey
- Posted September 4, 2009 at 6:10 am · 4 replies
- In Living your life
- Shared with the public
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- By Globalwoundcare
- Posted September 4, 2009 at 8:51 am
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Mikey, your thoughts reminded me of 1995. I awoke in a hospital bed, scratchy sheets over plastic-boy was I uncomfortable. I rolled out of bed, eveything hurt. I had vague memories of someone sticking my wrist for blood, but over all the last two weeks and even this morning were hazy. With much labor and cursing under my breath, I was almost able to sit up. I figured I would just throw my feet out and use them to help set me up. All the while my brain is trying to figure out what happened, how did I get here. It was like trying to fight through a thick cloud.
As my feet hit the ground, I yell. Not intentionally, but the pain-OMG. I wait for a minute, let the waves of pain subside and I sit up,dangling off the side of the bed with my feet barely resting on the floor. I wait another few minutes to catch my breath.I try to stand.
The pain was excruitiating, I fall to the floor. Some where in my brain, I am being told, if I can just make it to the shower. I must of passed out. How much later, a few minutes, an half hour, I am not sure, but I try to move to a crawling position. My left arm won't hold my weight. I am unable to bring my left knee under me, so I am left with just my right arm and my right leg. I semi-crawl, scoot to the bathroom. It seemed to take an eternity of time and pain, but I made it to the bathroom door. I am not sure how many times I woke up on the floor, I must have kept passing out from the pain. Using the door knob, I try to stand. The pain is horrible. I cry out. I am not sure how loud, as it was more in seeking pain relief than attention seeking. I go back down to the floor. I scoot into the bathroom. I see there is a chair in the shower. I don't know how, but I remembered to turn the water on before I pulled myself up and over the tub onto the bath chair. The water hits me. Suddenly I feel that it was all worth it. As I am running the water through my hands and my hair, I hear a voice. You can't be in the shower, you have to get back to bed. It seems a nurse had come to check on me. Later I found out that I had a crushed left upper leg, a pelvic fracture, 8 fractures in 5 ribs, an broken right clavicle. I had just spent four weeks in ICU. But that shower and the painful trip are a memory I may never forget. This is the first time I have shared this memory with anyone.
Mikey, thank you for sharing your memories and allowing me to share mine with you.
- By pistol12507
- Posted September 5, 2009 at 10:20 am
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Thanks again Mikey, you have an ability to put into words things that make me think of better times. Much better. As they say, if someone says they grew up in the 60's, they are lying....nobody grew up in the 60's.
Semper fi
- By TraceD
- Posted September 5, 2009 at 10:41 am
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Yes, Mikey, you hit it this time on three of my favorite things, music, showers and sex.
Those of us lucky enough to come of age in the 60's were blessed with such a wide variety of artist each accompanied by a stirring moment. First time kissing a girl at the quarry to "red Rubber Ball". Skiing down a slope at Killington to James Taylor or CSNY. Sitting in aan outside concert listening to Elton John sing "Your Song" with a girl you hoped to impress.
Showers, the first time in rehab feeling the water hit your whole body but only feeling it's warmth on scalp, face and shoulders. Wanting a shower daily because it felt like something but being told you could only have one every third day and bedbaths in between.Thinking they should change hospital policy and allow the SCI people a daily shower. I inally got my wish the last 2 weeks by getting MRSA and demanding daily Hibiclens Showers to help eradicate these pesty bacteria.
Sex, constantly in the back of my mind as a teenager and still so today. Though able to get some satisfaction, unable to feel the softness of my wife's skin, the roundness of my favorite parts and her gentle touch on anything more then my scalp and upper arms.
But I can sing and sing I do in and out of the shower, thanks for the reflection Mickey
- By mtndreams
- Posted September 7, 2009 at 8:35 am
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Mickey - Please put your writing onto paper....and get it published......you are so very expressive and it is easy to relate to the scenerios....I empathyze with each other human being for their individual sufferings.
Keep on being Positive....and writing
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