My Fiance has been in a wheelchair for 2 years now and went through a depression state in the beginning of getting adjusted to things. I can totally understand that. It was life changing for the BOTH of us. But now that he is getting better, it seems his agner is building up for no reason. I don't understand it! I feel that with him making so much good progress, he should be happy yet he has the huge fits of rage and turns into the Hulk. Is this a common mood change??? Well, his spinal cord injury was caused from an infected abcess that formed on his spine. Once removed (T5 Loctaion) he paralyzed from the waist down. Over the past year he's come a long way and has begun to feel more in his legs. Not only has his felling come back...he has began to take STEPS with a walker! This is GREAT being that we thought he'd never walk again! But as I type about this and am over joyed for him, he seems to been going backwords and is easily irratated! He was fine until he started doing better. Now I am constantly having to help control his anger outbursts. Should I just see this as maybe a fear that he's going through now that he's back in therapy where he started or take it more seriously? I'm just really confused! He should be happy and look forward to better things!
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Anger Outbursts!
- By annette1201
- Posted June 4, 2009 at 3:20 pm · 8 replies
- In Health matters
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- By CurtisNeeley
- Posted June 10, 2009 at 11:44 am
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It is hard to try to feel lucky and appreciate all the progress we make and at the same deal with the realization of our disability. No matter how lucky it seems we should feel, the frustration we feel will always be a thorn in our sides. It is hard to remember how lucky we are to take a halting step in a walker. Will we then rejoice enough to please all observing and judging our happy performance?
Anger at being expected to rejoice at being further from being a vegetable?
Anger - Frustration? BOTH
Every success comes with a built-in wet blanket for us. Please realize that it is very hard to act joyful enough. We may express our performance anxiety about "acting" over-joyed enough to keep up appearances.
When you get a meal at a restaurant that seems a little dry or over-cooked, think of a person who is poor and starving and try to rejoice instead of expressing frustration with the cooking?
- By papito1
- Posted June 10, 2009 at 6:50 pm
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he need to breathe easy and control his anger. its not your fault as well as his. you have no idea as how to care for one in being paralyze. at the beginning of my injury i took my anger out on my lady thinking she should be super woman for me but it took a while to realize that we both are new to this and that she know less then me, i had to be the one to get strong for me. im a t7 and paralyze for life and i wish i had the ability he is giving back by GOD and be positive and love and care for his family... deeply sit and understand it could be worst.
- By BODDIE32
- Posted June 10, 2009 at 7:21 pm
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Hello Annette,
I was looking in discussions and I came upon your post. First I want to say that I have not always been in a wheelchair and I still get angry and frustrated many times. September this year will be 5 years for me. I can't really say that I know what your fiance is going through or feeling because we all have different feelings towards different situations. I can only speak for myself but I hope this helps. If you get time read my profile on what happened to put me in this wheelchair.
I want to begin by saying that I have always been independent and always been a postive person on how I view life. The day I found out I had a Spinal Cord Injury alot of that went out the window! When I first found out that I will not be able to walk again due to no fault of my own, the first thing was getting back close to the point I was at when I was walking! I was going to drive again, be the same happy person I once was, stay active and busy, and along with other things. There was no stopping me and I achieve all my independence back in about two years! I started back driving, dating, cooking and I lived alone in my apartment. You name it I was back doing it except walking...lol! I am being serious but want to keep it funny and be sincere at the same time.
Despite all them accomplishments I still felt sad, angry, happy, cried alot, and depressed because I know that the only thing I still wanted was to have the ability to walk again! One thing I do know is when I had all these emotions and feelings running through me it didn't matter that some else was worse off than me! What matters is Sam(me) has to deal with whatever I am going through! I didn't have time to think about anyone else because I had enough on my plate to deal with me! I can say please whatever your fiance is going through just take his situation and make it top priority to find the best way so you and him can get through it together. The first thing my girlfriend say or other people say (lol!) to me be glad that you can do this, this and this. Well I'm not going to be glad because if I am mad or upset something got me this way and I want to concentrate on handling what I am going through whether it's taking me 5 mins to get a drink of water or go to my front door...lol! Now what I am going through please tell me how can talking about someone else situation help me because I am really tryna solve how can I get some water or to my door faster!(lol!) Maybe to the people that say that maybe you can get the water for me or go answer the door for me...see that way you helping me in solving my situation. I hope I am not confusing you with what I am tryna say. I guess in other words if you are busy doing something that got you occupied you want to concentrate on that trying to solve that issue. You dont have time to hear such and such did it this way becuz u want to do it your way and still get it done in a timely manner.lol! This work the same for my situation and in your fiance situation I feel.
One thing is to look at this as a postive that your fiance has that never quit attitude! Maybe he feels its not okay to be in a wheelchair for this amount of time and he is very hungry to do whatever it takes to be able to walk again. When you want something so bad your emotions can set in. He wants to get back to where he once was when he was walking.
He is like me in alot of ways because I can't relax and be patient waiting for a cure to heal me out this wheelchair! No telling how many years away they are before they find a cure to heal all paralysis. I guess that is why people go to the ends of the earth to do whatever to find a cure for whatever they have...You can't tell them nothing because to them, me and your fiance we can't sit and wait because we want it now!
I have been in a wheelchair for almost five years and have accomplished alot! I still try to make my life better by purchasing new equipment and being very active! I want more for myself than just sitting in this wheelchair! We are hungry to make it happen now even though we can only do and change so much! Please keep supporting him! Be very happy that he is not just one to sit down and be happy with his situation:-) Take care and I hope this helps.Sam
- By creekwater
- Posted June 10, 2009 at 7:56 pm
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2 years isn't really a long time to adjust to such a life changing tramatic event. The "professionals" state that the average is 7 yrs., to adjust, adapt, or except. Me I'll never "except" it but almost 30 yrs injured I've had to adapt and adjust, or I would have just gotten old and not the things in life that I wanted.
Also you often take out your frustrations on the individuals that love you "unconditionally' but at some point, time, you've got to get over that hurdle or you will start doing damage to those you love, and then they will walk away or leave you to your own self destrution. I pray that does not happen, C.W.
- By creekwater
- Posted June 10, 2009 at 8:10 pm
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p.s. two years can be a VERY long time, I did NOT mean to lessen your Fiance's frustration, but in the grand view of things...... and just because I've been injured a while doesn't mean that I know it all either, I've been exactly where your good friend is at, as a matter of fact I was an 8 year statistic, it took 9 to break through my "stuff" but now I'd like to think I'm much wiser and at peace with myself and those I love.
- By annette1201
- Posted June 11, 2009 at 8:49 pm
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Thanks all of you guys for your kind words. They have really helped! Jessie and have had really gotten to talking today atfter another fit and He said just what you did BODDIE32 "he is very hungry to do whatever it takes to be able to walk again" and he is overhelmed and frustrated to get back to the way things used to be. And I just happen to be the one always around to get the bad end of his emotions. But I'm learning that this is just another situation that we have to deal with and go through like in the begining of his injury. I've been there through the toughest of times and I KNOW I can do it again! Thank you all again!!!
- By BODDIE32
- Posted June 11, 2009 at 10:55 pm
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Annette,
You are welcome. See I been this way for almost 5 years so I have had and still have all kinds of emotions still running through me...lol! My family and friends understand that when I'm having my bad days its nothing against them! They know its me venting from my situation. I have good days to but its all about balancing things out. I feel if you have alot of time on your hands that can be your worst enemy. I try to stay busy at least 3 or 4 times out the week like going out to eat, movies, going out of town. I got so bored one Sunday that I had an idea to go out and wash the white Pacifica Touring I drive....lol! So now I save $35.00 a wash and wash it myself. My girlfriend do the stuff I can't do like vacuum and wash the rear windows for me. This keep me very active and I get a good workout using my arms!lol!
When people/neighbors see me washing the Pacifica I make it look good but when I go in the house....ooooweeee I be like man my arms hurt...lol! You how men are we don't like to show our weakness!!! The way I look at life or my situation is if you don't try new things you will never know if you will like it or you can do it. Once you try it and if you decide that you don't like it then don't do it.
The next thing I will be doing is mowing my grass...lol! Just playing on that one.
- By jslegal
- Posted June 14, 2009 at 8:20 pm
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My daughter is now 2 years 1 month since her spinal cord injury. While she is walking she still has "bad" days... the frustrations of being different, not able to use her right hand, right arm is hard on anyone. She is 21 now and in college. She wants to get a part-time job that will work around her school schedule. She applied for a job at one of the local restaurants and she had to turn it down because they wanted a server who carried the trays up over the shoulders... she was so mad that day. She bartended at one of the local restaurants prior to her automobile accident and is looking for something along that line, as the tips would be good to help pay for her books. I am her mom and I get angry some days.
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