Vulnerability

Living with a chronic illness has forced me to become vulnerable. I was a very capable woman, able to keep many balls in the air at the same time - go ahead and throw another one at me. Fibromyalgia eliminated multi-tasking. It seriously compromised my independence. I needed a driver...I needed favors...I needed someone to clean my home for me...I needed to trust people...I needed to not need anything...I needed to be okay expressing my needs. A few years before fibro, I had breast cancer. When the surgeon removed my breast, I didn't feel like less of a woman. But not being able to keep up my home and cook every day - that stole my womanhood from me. Since fibro, I have watched my husband lovingly and without complaint take care of things I should have been doing. I felt like less of a woman. That has come and gone, I have adjusted and processed all of that. But the vulnerability remains. And that's a good thing. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for anyone...it's only fair that someone with that same heart is fulfilled by meeting my needs.