I don't really know how to express this without sounding mean. Have you ever noticed that it seems like the ones who get the terrible diseases in this world are the "good" people? Let me define good.. I mean the caring, law abiding, sweet, honest people like these on this site. You hardly ever hear of the theives, liars, druggies ever facing what we are facing. If you just stop and think, I bet each one of you can relate to this. We all know people who are just bad people. But how often are they in our position? It seems always that the "good" people are the ones who are suffering. Don't get me wrong.... I don't want ANYONE, good or bad, to suffer with this. Its just ironic that the people who try to live right and obey all the rules are the ones who suffer most..........
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Why are the good people always the ones suffering??
- By katelynsmamaw
- Posted October 28, 2009 at 8:06 am · 27 replies
- In Survivor stories
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- By lifeisgrand
- Posted October 28, 2009 at 8:34 am
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You have a point. I never saw anyone in chemo that didn't look like normal folk.
- By Milashka
- Posted October 28, 2009 at 9:04 am
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Susan Atkins (Charles Manson murderess) died in prison from brain cancer.
- By uju99
- Posted October 28, 2009 at 9:21 am
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so far that is true.....but I take it this way.....
God is with you - the good people - and that is why we are going with this......so that it is cured and you have more appointments in life to complete - the most magnificent ones - the god has thought - YOU are the only one who can do it.....so your suffer is for Good for Living......
Nobody can escape from this world without completing his appointments in life with various events/status/sufferings/happiness/badness....all in all.....IT IS 100 % - WILL HAPPEN......
chow......
- By Ansophie
- Posted October 28, 2009 at 9:45 am
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This does make me chuckle. After I had my big surgery I went to see my medical oncologist. He is closer to my home and a very kind man. When I started asking questions, as we all do regarding why I have cancer. Not WHY ME, but was there something I did or didn't do. Could I have in some way caused my cancer.He gave me all the risk factors that I already knew,but then said something I will never forget. He said over the many years that he has treated cancer patients he has found that they are all nice people so he had come to the conclusion that it seems to be true, nice people get cancer? It did make me laugh,but he was serious. My feeling is that MOST people are nice and that for some strange reason having this devastating news makes us smarter, stronger and possibly nicer and we try to put our best face forward for our family and all those we Love and maybe even for our Doctors,especially the very very kind ones that are doing their very best to help us in the best way they know how. Yes! NICE people get cancer. We just need to keep positive and fight it every day. Sorry for the very long answer,but it made me think of that day and how blessed I am to have such a good Doctor to care for me.
Hugs and Blessings to you.
Ansophie
- By kennebec
- Posted October 28, 2009 at 11:17 am
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I once worked as a volunteer in a California women's prison. This facility was large and had its own clinic...can't call it a hospital because it wasn't...but they had "beds" and some of the inmates worked as aides in the clinic. There were many sick women there...some with terminal cancer, a young woman who needed heart surgery, etc.
It seems to us that only "nice" people get cancer because that is the sphere of our experience. We live amongst "nice" people. The clinics that we attend cater to "normal" people like you and me. But there are many who experience cancer and other illness who do not get care, either here or anywhere.
It's like when you buy a new car of a certain model and color. You buy it because it seems unique. You really haven't seen many of them on the road. Once the new "unique" car is yours, all of a sudden you are aware of that model and color and you see them everywhere. You never really noticed them before you bought your own.
In the same way, in our particular circle of experience, we begin to see all the other "regular" folk who are enduring the same experience as we. But we still do not see those in other circles (prison, poverty, other countries, etc.) And since we do not see them, we assume "we" are the norm.
One thing about it, though. Having cancer does give you a heightened sense of compassion for those experiencing the same, and we tend to be much more aware of the sick and the aged and much more kind and compassionate in relating to them.
- By melf
- Posted October 28, 2009 at 11:39 am
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Thanks Kennebec- your response put it all in perspective.
It does seem rather one sided and that the scales are tipped a little more in our favor at times. I guess its all in the scheme of things.
Melissa
- By shoppingkharma
- Posted October 28, 2009 at 12:37 pm
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I have always heard that Cancer is the Nice Person's disease. I'm sure why this always happens, but maybe being mean is this world and uncaring about others, just being selfish and you won't get sick. Well for me; that's just not in my nature. I don't understand why god doesn't punish those who are evil and let them live and continue to ruin our world. It makes me mad sometimes. They never get a chance to see what it's like to actually be sick and to fight to have health insurance. I don't feel that I needed this wake up call because I have always been too nice to everyone; giving more than I have to help others. Is it some how wrong to be nice? That's the message I get from this.
- By Milashka
- Posted October 28, 2009 at 1:17 pm
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There is no rhyme or reason, right or wrong. As far as I see it, except for maybe the genetic predisposition, cancer is random.
But one can't help but try to reason and questions this disease. I guess that's human nature.
- By pat813
- Posted October 28, 2009 at 1:44 pm
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When I was first dix, I was having a crying episode with my friend and only thing that didn't make sense was WHY ME...good person, giving to others, all the same characteristics of most of you ..and she looked at me and said.."because YOU can handle this". I wanted to scream BS! It's not fair, I went through my entire life ALWAYS doing the "right" thing and this is how I am repaid? (I'm tearing up now writing this).
I was brought up Catholic and always taught that if you live a good Christian life, God will reward you. I know that it is meant more in the "afterlife" , but could also apply on Earth? I guess, that I was looking for the proverbial gold star and got OVCA instead.
Sorry for being such a downer..pity party for one!
God Bless the Kind
- By joseph2
- Posted October 28, 2009 at 1:51 pm
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it's a great discussion point. Despite her high achievement in her career, if there was ever a janitor or an errand boy who was celebrating a birthday in her workplace, Lynn always made the cake and made sure the birthday was celebrated. She couldn't walk past a homeless person on the street without feeling compassion and wanting to do something. As the eldest daughter of eight, she really raised a family even before she ever had one--and she was fated never to have one of her own.
Some people become more religious when confronted with illness: I became less, and very suddenly. When Lynn was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, I walked away from religious practice after fifty years of devotion. It wasn't only that she didn't "deserve" it--it was also the way our church and especially her purportedly religious family treated us as well, blaming ME for her cancer and conveniently turning their backs on the woman who as eldest daughter had virtually raised them. Three of her brothers, all churchgoers, never called her one time during her six months of chemotherapy.
When I was confronted with the twin blows of Lynn's cancer and her family's pigheaded judgmentalism, I was far too angry at the idea of religion even to capitalize the word god anymore.
As an old friend of mine said who lost a child to illness: "It's not necessarily that I don't believe in god, but I found that he is either too cruel or too indifferent to bother caring much about."
The cancer experience has most of all driven home for me a line from Joseph Conrad in Heart of Darkness: "We live as we dream--alone."
If that all sounds bitter...it should also be said that it's not. It was actually liberating to be divorced from the kind of superstitious thinking that supposes, "If I'm a good person, god will find favor with me." I should have heeded the ceaseless lessons of history earlier in life than I did. The only arena in which cancer has been a blessing, most very ironically, has been in showing us that blessings themselves are capriciously bestowed, and we must lead our lives fearlessly pursuing the matters that are important to us, rather than suppose that god is judging us at every turn.
I know other will disagree and I respect their hopes and religious practice. But it's not for me anymore, and this illness is why.
A year ago, I was having coffee with Heather King, a breast cancer survivor who has written a good book called "Redeemed", which is about the spiritual journey of a cancer survivor. Her path has been quite different than mine, but as writers we share lots culturally.
She said to me, "You know, it's perfectly fine to be angry. What most religious people miss is that when Jesus was sentenced to death, he didn't say, 'Oh boy, I can't wait to die tomorrow!' No, he was forgiving but also angry the whole time. He said 'take this cup away from me' and asked 'why have you forsaken me?' He snapped, 'It's you that say I am,' when confronted by his judge. He was not, it is obvious, happy."
To me, that was very wise counsel, and even something I too had missed: it's legitimate when confronted by mortality to be angry at god. I remain so. I likely ever will.
Anyone who may be interested in Heather's book can find it here: Heather King, REDEEMED; A spiritual misfit struggles towards God, marginal sanity, and the peace that passes all understanding. By the way, Heather declined some treatments and is in her eighth year as a breast cancer survivor.
- By Cheryl4Teal
- Posted October 28, 2009 at 2:23 pm
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I feel that way sometimes. And yup I was one of those good folks. I volunteered for cancer charties, worked phones for Jerry Lewis for MD. I gave my time to my kids , was is a good mom good partner to my guy.
Always cared about others I can go on , but your right it does seem that way. I just feel I must accept it and move on. I cant dwell on it, it wastes too much energy on it.
But you all make some points I agree with.
- By koh847
- Posted October 28, 2009 at 6:07 pm
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Funny you say that...my husband is a gastroenterologist. He often finds cancer during colonoscopies. He has told me many times over the years that only nice people get cancer. When I was diagnosed he was joking with me about how to turn me into a mean one! It has to be random, but it sure does feel otherwise sometimes!
:)Kim
- By Jennali
- Posted October 29, 2009 at 12:26 am
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I think that most of us grow up thinking that if we are good people and do good deeds, we will be rewarded. To most of us that includes good health. Surprise! We also search for a framework in which to put the cataclysmic events of our lives.
I have not been a religious person for a long time, although I am grateful for prayers offered to me. I see it as a way of sending good energy my way. I even offer my own version of prayers. Sometimes I say grace at the dinner table...a pause in the day to utter gratitude. Sometimes in the evenings I offer a thank you to the universe for having been graced with another day of life and health (except for having cancer:))
I am a good person. That I know for sure. I see my disease as neither punishment nor reward, just a rotten luck of the draw and bad genetics. I have not been tested for a defective BRCA gene, but would be surprised to find I don't have one. There is a lot of cancer in both my maternal and paternal lines.
We have a neighbor who has been really good about bringing us meals, and we are not even particularly close. She is practicing her Christian faith. I will say that I have a new respect for people like her who actually walk the walk. I know many, many people who can talk that talk all day long, but who fall short when called to exercise their faith.
Actually two other women have come into my life this past year who have made us meals, cared for my children and offered shoulders to cry on. One even said she would care for my children if I should die and my husband was too overwhelmed to do it full time. They are both Christians who are walking the walk, and I am so grateful for their presence in my life. They never try to "convert" me; they are just quiet examples of their faith. Although i do not share their specific belief system, I do respect the fact that they offer aid and succor to their neighbors without any expectation of reward.
I will also say that I was immensely disturbed by a phrase in a letter the first neighbor wrote to us about my illness. She commented that God could heal me if he so chose. And why the heck wouldn't he???? That is one aspect of the god concept that I cannot wrap my mind around, and actually resent.
We all have to find our own truths and our own paths to that Truth.
Jenn
IIIC survivor since Nov 26, 2007
- By Ansophie
- Posted October 29, 2009 at 9:15 am
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In the Catholic Religion we are taught that we are given free will. I do not believe that God is a micromanager. We,the human race have polluted our world. I'm sure we eat many foods that are not healthy for our bodies. We have too many processed foods,cigarettes,alcohol. God also gives us a brain and many talented people on the earth that do research into diseases and try to guide us to eat right,exercise and take care of our bodies. I also believe in miracles and feel sad too when someone truely wonderful in so many ways,someone who gives so much to others is taken from their loved ones by a cruel illness or injury. I have those non believer days too. I would like to believe that we all deserve a miracle. There is no perfect answer. I am just trying to figure it all out day to day and fight as best I can to stay here for my family. I'd like to believe that I will have my answers someday if I can only keep my faith.
Hugs to all of you.
Ansophie
- By Jen457
- Posted October 29, 2009 at 11:57 am
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Joseph, It made me sad to read that your wife family is into blaming, and how they have not supported your wife. My family is 300 miles away so we keep the phone lines huming. My Mom and I talk about everyday. Sometimes I tell her I need some sympathy but by the time we get done, we are both laughing. Other times I tell her she needs to make me laugh cause I had a sh**y day. One of my sisters came down for six cyles of chemo and I talk to her about once a week. The others are more hit and miss. My brother Mike put me on the Lutheran prayer list even though I am Catholic. I come from a small town (about 400) in SD so they all know me. I have had an least 50 cards from them--from people I used to deliver papers to, people I waited on in the cafe in high school, and people that know my parents better than they know me. Even with all the support, this is still a lonely journey. I try to stay away from the Why Me? There are many others that are in far worse shape than I am, so try to be grateful for where I am. Just a thought regarding your wife's family--do you think they cannot bear the thought of losing her so are trying to distant themselves? We all react differently in a crisis. I never heard from one of my best friends from college in months after I was diagnosed. I was deeply hurt. When I finally reached her, I found out she thought I was going to die and she couldn't handle it. She had lost a sister to cancer at age 11. I told her I had no plans to die and I needed her to help me live. Sometimes you need to keep reaching out. Prayers going up for both of you today.
- By kibbitzqueen
- Posted October 29, 2009 at 3:20 pm
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kennebec,
Exactly! I couldn't agree with you more. You never seem to see as many pregnant women until you are one!
- By ChiMom
- Posted October 29, 2009 at 5:27 pm
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I too am a Catholic and I do not believe God gave me cancer. I belief it is due to my genetics and my lifestyle and has nothing to do as to whether I am nice or not. My reward is in heaven and to me this walk on earth is just a trial run. Look at the poor homeless people. Are they mean people? I could go on and on but as stated above, we were born with free will to make whatever choices we wish. Life is not fair and some are born into well to do families and some struggle all their life. Some are born beautiful and some are just plain janes. Instead of saying why me, I say, why not me. Some have been through so much more than I and this disease has only brought me closed to God. I could die of this disease or I could die in a car accident. One thing for sure, we will all die at some point. I truly believe the way I chose to live my live is more important than this cancer I have. We all have our crosses to bear and mine just happens to be cancer. Jesus carried His cross for me and did not complain and neither will I.
Everyone is entitled to his/her own belief and I respect that but I would not want to be going through this without my faith in God that someday I will share in His kingdom and all pain will be gone.
- By katelynsmamaw
- Posted October 29, 2009 at 5:36 pm
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I do not in any way "blame" God for my cancer. I was just stating something that seems to be true in my life. This post had nothing to do with religion, I was just referring to things as I see them. And I do bet anyone out there can name more good honest people with cancer than those "bad" people with cancer.
- By Shelter
- Posted October 29, 2009 at 6:29 pm
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Wow.. that was alot to read, this far down on the thread, but very very thought provoking
now I say this.. as a WOman, Wife, mother, Pastor, and OVCA survior of 1 year today !!!!!!!!! YA me ...
I ahve had to deal with a question... which in a way got answered but not as I expected.
When I got sick, I was visited once in hospital by a fellow Pastor, once sometimes during the chemo 4-5 months that followed... I got the odd hello on my facebook,... but only a few infact a really small number of friends see me through my journey...
I was devestated, heart broken... after all I had done for others..... every day..... and then dropped like a cold potatoe... BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ay I relate to being angry.... and realte to asking GOD, my GOD why have you ( and yours) forsaken me...
then I joke or kid & say well if they treated him like they did... and killed him.. I guess being ignored. isnt soo bad...
and still am battling ... I still have questions... and hurt.
Its funny th poeple did send me the most well wished & hugs sent home from work thru my daughter where from my residents in a nursing home, who couldnt get out, who didnt forget me it seemed...
I think its their genneration taht knew how to Love at all times... and go the extra distance....
and not put blame on the one whos sick...
I shudder to think.... (wont go there)
WE are humans, our bodies are not infaliable, we eat & breahte & live in thsi world... we can get affected & sick.... until now it took me the 50 eyars almost to learn that hey there are toxins in teh food at the store.. silly me
i thought if it was sold pblically it must be safe...
(how ignorant was i? lots? ) I had no clue none
that some of teh foods I ahve been eating for teh past 30 years are posion.. and dangerous. or chemicals on my body or in my home...
as for thinking we are all GOOD people...
maybe in genral we are good moral people.
but we all make mistakes & we all have sinned...
( I wont preach) LOL.... but each one us... has done wrong
the way I see it.. is all wrong is wrong... there is no weigh scales in heaven...
we are forgiven & we are loved...
and BOY do I LOVE you folks on INSPIRE
I am sooo Blessed to meet chat & blog with real people. who care, and care for each other in this place.. arms of love extendeed.. and showing real true compassion...
Bless you all Great is your reward
-MA
- By RhodaLois
- Posted October 29, 2009 at 9:54 pm
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My take on the good/bad people thing and omitting the religion thread, is that good people love life, love others, love themselves. Loving oneself involves taking care of yourself and perhaps we therefore believe in early detection and treatment because we want to live. Take a person who may be a criminal or a sociopath at least, where's their love of self, never mind love of others. love of life? They live day by day, steal and lie, drink and drug.....thinking about taking care of themselves is last on their agenda...if even on it. Just a thought.....
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