This is actually excerpt from my blog which I wrote the day before yesterday but it is what I just went through and I hope and pray many more of you will never get the news that I got just the day before. I am still crying and in disbelief.
My Oncologist is one doctor who would never sugar coat anything and over the years (almost 7) I had really wanted him to in my case just to give me some hope. I like hope in my case but I never really got it from him; it was always the stark reality that one day this disease will eventually kill me; so this is why I always seemed to dread seeing my oncologist. He was always honest with us and never really gave me any hope that I would survive this disease and that with each treatment; it may not work in my case. It was always the worst case scenario. I guess doctors have to be that way so that they don't get sued for giving a patient hope. Just once I wanted some hope; but that's what you get when you get an honest doctor.
We talked to a social worker for about 45 minutes and then she told us that my oncologist would be by after 4pm to speak with us about some options for our next line of treatment. My husband did prepare me that I didn't have much time left and I cried and cried. We would be discussing going on hospice care.
Sure enough after about 4:30pm; my oncologist and another of his colleagues came down to talk with both of us. Miss Blue Belle (my beautiful Blue Merle Sheltie) was in the room also to help calm me down because I was pretty upset. My oncologist/doctor was very upfront, blunt and very honest. He recommended that I start Hospice Care rather soon and that the feedings (TPN) and chemo would need to stop so that we could prepare for a pain free and dignified death for me (I'm only 39 years old). I would have about 6 more months to live. Hearing all of this was so incredibly surreal; we are talking about my death in approximately 6 more months. I was so shocked and scared and still am. I felt so weak and hopeless as tears just rolled down my cheeks; I started hyperventilating and my husband sat over me and tried to calm me down by rubbing my shoulders and gently telling me to slow down on my breathing. Blue Belle jumped up onto the bed and started licking my hand which instantly calmed me down and then my oncologist would every now and then grab my foot in a very emotional way which also calmed me and to let me know that he cared about me. I was so upset; but this is the reality of living with such a deadly disease.
One day we have to prepare for the inevitable; I hope many more women are able to survive this disease and don't get the news I just got on Thursday. My husband and I have not made any decisions yet and to be quite honest I'm just not ready to give up on life just yet. I feel like my life has just begun; I have the love of my life, a great dog which is going to outlive me? and a very cool anti-cat; lots of great family and friends who love me more than anything.
I feel have touched many lives (with my blog) and I hope after I am long gone that I continue to touch lives. Maybe I can write a book in this time about the many other things I have gone through in my life; but apparently I mustn't waste any time. Life really is precious.
Now my other options are to continue with chemo and most often with the chemo; well in my case he was right; it's not working and in the CAT scan there are more tumors growing in my groin area; I could try some more new treatments but in reality I am getting to the point of suffering from many infections which are the result of the advanced cancer and the chemotherapy treatments which most often at my stage of the game ends up killing me much faster than the cancer. To me this is puzzling.
Now if I go on to the Hospice program; I may live longer but my oncologist is estimating that I may have just 6 months to live and what I plan to do is to research all that I can on many of the Alternative Ways of making my body stronger in order to fight the cancer. I can do this by getting my immune system stronger.
I still have some amount of hope then the pain sets in; I don't have an appetite at all and having to constantly be taken care of by my husband reminds me that I may not have much time left. I can still go out and have fun but I get tired very easily and need to close to a bathroom when ever possible. I wish all of you the best.
Love,
Jayne
http://shoppingkharma.blogspot.com
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When you get the news you don't want to hear...
- By shoppingkharma
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 12:54 am · 39 replies
- In Recurrence
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Explore topics in this discussion:
Cancer Hospice care Prostate cancer Breast cancer Ovarian cancer Suicide Chemotherapy Pain Palliative care Lung cancer
39 replies
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- By pepsicolarocks
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 3:28 am
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Jayne,
Please do not buy into the scientific notions of your oncologist. I'm sure he's a great doctor, but you are not a carton of milk. You don't come with an expiration date. You are a human being and you have the will to live. The mind is an incredibly powerful thing, especially when it comes to our own survival and I would definitely recommend that you try tapping into this power right about now. Don't give up on yourself by going and checking into a hospice. Hospice is a place where people go to die and while we all have to die sometime, you are only 39 years old and you're right... your life has only just begun. Fight this thing with everything you have in you!!
There are some really great books out there that can help you retrain the way you think. Right now, it sounds as though you are being infiltrated with negativity. The first step is to remove all doubt, fear and negativity from your mind, which isn't an easy thing to do, especially when your doctor is telling you that you only have six months to live, but it can be done! Just remember, nothing is impossible! Live well & God Bless you!
- By Ovacom06
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 6:54 am
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Cancer is so unfair and unpredictable. Never give up HOPE! This may be your time for a _______! ( you fill in the blank) Sending you healing thoughts and prayers!
- By JanKickingCancer
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 8:42 am
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This is a very tough time for you. Try and stay strong! At this point, if I were you, I'd find another doctor and make sure there truly is nothing else they can do to help you. Don't just give up! You always have strength, courage and HOPE! No one can take THAT away from you! I, too, don't think I'd check into a Hospice yet! Do everything in your power to help yourself before going into hospice.
May God Bless you and lift you up during this trying time! Hold tight, Jayne, to the positive thoughts! I know that doctors have to tell us the truth but it sounds like your doctor has taken it to the next level. Get another opinion!
God Bless you, Jayen! Stay Strong!
Jan
- By genica45
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 9:06 am
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As my Dad told me, doctors are men not gods. They can offer you the best advice and care within their capablities. I also think you should get a second opinion and not give up.
- By GEPI
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 10:54 am
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Hi,
A friend's father was given 6 months to live and lived for 10. He was a medical doctor and went on with his practice. So please do not give up. I also agree you need to seek a 2nd opinion. You have been fighting hard and doing well and you are a good examplee to the rest of us who came on board later. So please stay strong.
Regards
GEPI
- By joah2
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 10:55 am
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When I was diagnosed my gyn. told me the OVCA had a bad prognoses. When I was lucky I could live for another 5 years, but probably not because of the metastases I had. He advised me to go and do all the nice things I wanted to do quikly.
I was shocked and frigtened.
I asked after the treatments my oncologist if this was his opinion too and he said he never talked about time.
When he should tell somebody he had 6 months and that person lived much longer, he would sue him for it.
And when he told a person he could live for several years and he died in 6 months, the family would be very angry.
And: so he said, as a matter of fact, we don't know it for sure. So I don't dare to make any options.
I am sure the cancer will be return, and in two days I have to go for the results of my bloodtests. I went earlier for an apointment because I have some unpleasent feelings semelar as when I started.
So go for a second opinion and try to make your body strong. It is just the opinion from one doctor and you are you unique self. We'll fight it. Love Joah.
- By Debofil
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 11:41 am
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Jayne:
I know someone who was given six months to live - it was a man so obviously - he did not have OVC but they had called in Hospice. He started juicing - carrot juice and flavored it with apples. He is alive and cancer free today - 10 years later. Also Essiac tea is keeping my cancer at bay right now. God gave us natural cures for every disease, we just have to find them ! Don't listen to the doctors - fight like hell !
Prayers to you Jayne.
Deb
- By cdbart
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 12:11 pm
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I think everything was said. Second opinion, don't give up and enjoy every second of everyday. My thoughts are with you.
- By Lindaje
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 2:21 pm
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I want to give you words of encouragement, but am at a loss. I will definately be praying for you and your husband. The husband of a friend was told to get his affairs in order, the doctor said he had about 6 months left. He lived another 11 years and was thought to be a medical miracle.Miracles are out there. Why not for you? Cry when you feel like it and keep on fighting.
- By susangolfer
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 2:25 pm
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DO NOT QUIT. The doc is only human, he can be wrong. Get a 2nd opinion and find a doc who is willing to fight with/for you. Do not lose your hope. You are a statistic of one! Read 'anticancer'. Good luck. Susan
- By Jen457
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 3:12 pm
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Jayne,
I have given this a lot of thought for myself. I would seek a second opinion if I were you also. After that, you need to decide how you want to live your live. If you could not have both, which would you choose quantity or quality of life? Hospice is not always the end--at least a few members on this board are aware of someone that went into hospice and were released. Would you want to try an experimental drug? So many things to think about. Sending up mega prayers for you today.
- By Shamrock2009
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 3:18 pm
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Jayne,
I am currently reading 2 books that might give you some spirit back--"Life Over Cancer" (Keith Block,MD) and" Integrative Oncology" (Abrams and Weil-- both MD''s)
These books of full of hope and alternative ideas to fight this disease.
Your current Oncologist is giving you false hopelessness as Dr. Block would say.
Find another oncologist!!
God Bless.
- By lifeisgrand
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 3:26 pm
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I'm so sorry to hear your news. It makes me cry. For you, for all of us really. I know when we hear hospice it sounds so awful and final but they are really there to help you get the best quality out of the time you have. And to help support your family in helping you. To keep the pain at bay so you can do whatever you possibly can each and every day. Only God knows when your time is. Don't let them keep you from living every moment you have, to let everyone you love know you love them, to say f u to this blasted curse if that is what feels right, to sleep with your dog at your side. Hospice can make that possible so you don't have to spend time in the hospital. God bless Jayne... I will keep you in my prayers.
- By verlinda
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 3:48 pm
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Jayne,
You have blessed me many times with your honesty. I've read your blog, and I'm glad you're going to write more in it.
I think each of senses when it is time to give up on treatment. I saw it with my sister, and I've seen it with my ovca sisters on this blog. I don't sense that with you, so I'm going to join the "get a second opinion" posts here. When you do that, ask your doctors to be gut-honest with you about the pain meds. I don't know whether this is true, but with my sister, we were told that some of the pain meds taken to control pain at the end of life can hasten the body's shutting down processes. I definitely do NOT mean that they are assisted suicide measures, just that the body has to work harder when taking these. If this is true, that may be something you want to factor in in your search for continued treatment.
I think the DVD I have is several years old, but Dr. Laraine Day is a California surgeon who beat cancer several years ago. Her information may still be available.
Find the best naturopath you can.
Come here any time for support.
I am holding you in my prayers, and asking for specific and quick guidance to the right websites, books and alternative treatments.
Blessings, strength, and peace.
- By sierradreams
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 4:33 pm
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Dear Jayne,
I have been following your amazing blog. You have given me strength and hope with your battle and positive spirit. We are now fighting for my husband's life with his advanced stage IV prostate cancer, bone mets, and still rising psa. So, your blog and very honest sharing has been and is helping us so much. We work on strengthening his immune system too in addition to all the meds. I wish you the best possible ongoing journey and that you will continue to be able to share your life with us. Just know that you are loved and needed, you will continue to live on---
Barbara
- By ChiMom
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 4:50 pm
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Dear Jayne,
Do not let your doctors words decide your fate. You have been through so much and now he is ready to give up. Please, please find another gyn/oncologist. I know they are out there. My dr. has treated many women sucessfully, when they came to him as a last hope. The dr. is not God. There are miracles and new treatment every day. Fight Jayne, for yourself and for all of us. We can't let this beast take another precious life. Sending mega prayers for you that God will wrap His arms around you and support you till He feels it is time to bring you home.
Phyllis
- By Brown_Eyes
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 6:20 pm
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Everyone else said it--keep on doing what you know to do. Don't listen to your dr unless you feel in your gut that he's right. You'll know when you need to change something.
- By annejulia
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 6:51 pm
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Hi Jayne! I am praying for you to regain a sense of Hope again. Your journey so well documented in your Blog.......on the most part you are such an Up beat person and I love that in you. Your fun and very spirited......!!! Hang in there lovely Lady because I think your boat is still floating........ no need to bail out on Us. Love ya!!! Annejulia
- By Jennali
- Posted September 20, 2009 at 8:06 pm
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Dear Jayne,
My heart breaks for you that you even have to think about cancer and illness and hospice at your young age. I do not begin to understand the whys and wherefores.
I think you are a fighter. I have just ordered from Amazon the two books mentioned by Shamrock, and also the one by David Serven-Schreiber. If I were in your shoes, I would be researching books such as those. You might also consider joining Life Extension for their information and supplements. There is a huge book that comes with membership that offers much info about cancer and chemo and things we can take to help. Build up your immune system as best you can.
If the time comes that you decide it is time to stop fighting, then you can ask for the support of hospice. I have dear friends who are involved with hospice now, and the lesson I am learning from them is to live in the moment. Spend precious time with your dear husband and companion animals. Enjoy every hour, every day given to you.
My aunt survived breast cancer and went on to fight ovarian cancer. The doctors sent her home with 6 months to live. She died 18 years later. Miracles do happen.
I will be praying that a miracle is in store for you, and if it is not, that you be granted the courage and the peace to handle what comes your way.
Love,
Jennali
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