I am always saddened when I see someone who has just finished chemo and /or radiation and their counts are like way down and then they appear to be in this waiting game. I just wish to tell all of you that life should not be this waiting game; you are to enjoy every day that you life is seemingly cancer free. I know, easier said than done; but at least try. Love everyone in your life that is good to you warmly and appreciate all that others do for you. Anyone who is just sitting around waiting and being frightened by your remission? I know it's very worrisome; I've been there before. Perhaps you are suffering from severe anxiety (Ativan works excellent for anxiety and insomnia); you might also want to get on some sort of an antidepressant; they really work to make you forget about this total freaking scare and boy I know every cancer diagnosis is a freaking scare; it's downright close to Post Traumatic in that your life changes to a 180! Am I right or am I right? Better yet; get your self a dog and if you are afraid that dog might die before you do, adopt a senior. Pets seem to make that scary feeling of remission go away; they force you to go outside and to exercise and to love!)
Well I'm still alive and kicking; I'm still on Hospice care. In fact they might have to take me off hospice care in March. I'm kinda scared about that, but I'm still enjoying each day as if it were my last; enjoying and realizing what's happening in every moment; enjoying my nap and my gorgeous pets; my lovely friends, and of course the cheese to my Pizza; my honey!)
I had been told many times that I would already be dead now; I have the most scariest tumor on my right side and I'm not going to let it scare me. It's my angel wing. Here is a photo of me smoking pot to relieve cancer related pain and nausea and heart burn. I'm on worse drugs than that; don't worry; Delaudid and Methadone. Now those are no more dangerous than pot! NO ONE can argue that as a fact!) Pot does work for me. I can't swallow anything anymore; I mean I can but it comes out with in 15 minutes. I vomit all the time and I'm at the stage of dying where I am supposed to loose my appetite but I still pig out and puke. No I don't have anorexia or bulimia. I sure the hell look like it; perhaps this photo can help prevent those stupid diseases?
This is link from Facebook and the second from my blog. I feel this photo needs to be seen as pure shock value if anything. My apologies if my post has offended anyone.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=6203023&l=fe144a56cb&id=547471657
And this from my blog:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Ls_2tLbc1EM/TS3gHIK1rYI/AAAAAAAAC_I/EfRWP2NkZCw/s 1600/36TJ1799_Edit.jpg
Well back to me looking anorexic or bulimic or just doing that sick bulimic shit that I do. I just freaking love to eat food and just can't help myself. I really am supposed to loose my appetite soon and have waiting for that to happen anyway now and just everything every day that it's not happening. I do want my last days to be spent pigging out on great food; I'm used to the throwing up!.
Anyway I wish all of you the very best and long remissions and so the hell what if the cancer comes back; you are still alive; some of your body parts are still working, enjoy those chemo breaks for what they are; its no big deal! The cancer might be here to stay as if was in my case or it could go away. There lots of mysteries in life and you got to appreciate them!)
Love always,
Jayne
http://shoppingkharma.blogspot.com
Edited January 19, 2011 at 3:31 pm
Thanks, Jayne for sharing your upbeat message! It's better to enjoy each day and take it as it comes rather than wait in anxiety for the future. You are a beautiful woman.