Staying positive with so much negativity!

• By momanderson920
• Posted November 19, 2008 at 3:58 am
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Sarahelizmortaon, When I first began this journey everything negative possible happened, and seemingly insurmountable. I went in for surgery with what looked like a small possibly noncancerous ovarian tumor with some enlarged lymph nodes and came out with Stage III3C ovarian cancer with inoperable lymph nodes. Then I developed a postop infection, developed an allergic reaction to the IV antibiotics which led to kidney failure, my chemo was delayed with no beginning in sight. I overcame the kidney failure and began chemo finally 6 weeks postop (the optimal is 2-3 weeks)but after my CA125 quadrupled from 200 to almost 900. Finally on treatment I developed a bladder infection, an ear infection, two abscessed teeth that had to be pulled resulting in delayed chemo, a broken toe, breathing problems, etc. and just felt that I was not going to make it. I am not 4 months since my 6th and last chemo treatment, in remission, my hair growing back, my energy back, and if someone had told me this was possible when I was going through all of that I would not have believed it. My reason for sharing this is not to tell you how bad I had it, but to encourage you that there is light after the storm and there is hope. Trust me, I had my moments which were many that I felt just like you, complete despair, but time and time again miracle after miracle would occur. I would recover from each setback, maybe not right away but I got through it and the cancer responded eventually to the chemo and little by little whittled away at the cancer which was in the one of the toughest places to get it, the lymph nodes. You can have the same success. My advise is to be as proactive as you are able...do things that give you a sense of fighting the cancer. I am not trying to force faith on anyone, but for me, my faith was the most powerful tool I had against my cancer. I prayed with great fervor, I had many others praying for me, too. I had a visual imagery CD and I used it daily. I envisioned not only the chemo killing off the cancer cells, but God sending a beam of healing light like a lazer through my body killing off the cancer cells and washing them out of my body with every drink of fluid I took. I drank lots and lots of water. I began trying to eat healthier. I walked on a treadmill almost daily as the chemo would allow. At first it was a snail's pace and graduating from 5 minutes a day to at the end 30 minutes of a normal pace. I tried to get some sunlight along with daily milk several days a week for Vitamin D. All these things I envisioned were what I could do to facilitate the treatments in killing the cancer and in keeping my body as strong as possible to do so. And one component which was one of the most important behind my faith was the encouragement of family, friends, and my online support community. I got such solace from this site, caringbridge, and talking to family and friends and other cancer survivors by phone to cheer me on when I felt so low I didn't think I could go on and there were many many times like that. I hope you will look at me and others on here and have faith that if we could go in remission, so can you. And don't think because things are bad right now that they are not insurmountable. Our bodies are very resilient and fighters. I know it is very hard to be positive at times...I tend to be a very pessimistic person and was so discouraged along the way, but I am here to tell you, you can beat this. Just because your CA125 is doubled doesn't mean there isn't a chemo or treatment out there that can kill your cancer. Hang in there. You are in my prayers.

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• By DTMEDIC
• Posted November 20, 2008 at 5:40 pm
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Hey sarahelizmorton,

There are no rule books for cancer that say you must keep a perky positive attitude when everything around your seems to be going to H-- in a handbasket. It would be completely abnormal if you didn't have times when you feel totally pessimistic about everything that's going on with you. Good grief! You are a young woman battling a horrible disease...where's the good, the meaning or the sense in that?

As the family member of an OVCA patient, I watch my MIL do her very best everyday to be optimistic and cheerful, but I know that despite the brave, happy face she shows the rest of the world...there is a place deep inside that feels and grieves the reality of her current situation. So, she and I have an agreement...when we're together she gets to say, do, be or feel anything she wants...I'm the listener...I don't offer advice, I don't try to cheer her up, I just listen and hold her hand if she wants.

Sometimes we're afraid to speak of our fears outloud as if that will somehow influence fate and make them reality. But sometimes opening up, saying what we're really thinking, feeling & fearing...frees us to move forward.

Richest Blessings & Prayers,

Debbie

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• By momanderson920
• Posted November 21, 2008 at 9:23 am
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Debbie, you are so wise. I wish many in my family realized that that is what we need when we go through this. Someone to let us vent our fears so we can deal with this terribly frightening cancer. I wish they had seminars to train family members as I dealt with family members who chastised me when I was depressed or fearful. It was awful and made things worse. I know they did it out of ignorance but regardless it was very detrimental to my fight and recovery. There is a difference between allowing someone to wallow in self pity and giving someone permission to express real justifiable fears.

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• By Carmeta
• Posted November 21, 2008 at 11:38 am
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sarahlizmorton,
One of the amazing things I have discovered about my journey with ovarian cancer is that I feel happy and usually healthy (I have a cold right now and sometimes the chemo zaps my energy). I do yoga and walk and travel and most days I ignore the tumors that have made themselves at home in my abdomen and thorax. I'm sure some people think "Why is she so happy?" but I appreciate music and friends and humor and especially family, and they make me feel wonderful. I have many "favorite things" as Julie Andrews sang about in the Sound of Music. At the chemo clinic people laugh and joke and enjoy themselves--it is a miracle of the strength of the human spirit. From the sound of your message, I would guess that you will stay active, share your love, and appreciate life. My guess is you will surprise yourself and keep your positive spirit.

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• By ReneeK1
• Posted December 28, 2008 at 1:18 am
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I journal. I can write whatever the heck I WANT to in that journal and I have no-one to say, "Don't talk like that" and don't feel like I have to tailor what I say so they don't worry about me. I cry, pour my heart out and when I'm done, I'm done and after it's all out I feel 100% better.

And sometimes I take the pages and rip them up and burn them in the fireplace. That feels GOOD.

With journaling, I'm really getting to know myself... sometimes I just sit down and write, whatever's on my mind. Doesn't have to be cancer.

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• By Hil323
• Posted December 28, 2008 at 6:20 am
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Is there someone in your life, in particular-a doctor who is being pessimistic? If so, maybe you should reevaluate who is in charge of your treatment. Just a thought...

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• By kla
• Posted December 28, 2008 at 9:41 am
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Stay in the moment and don't borrow tomorrows troubles . Sounds easy ,but it's not. But it is doable.Positive people beget positive people & positive energy.
Yikes I sound like one of those be happy people. The thing we have the most control over is ourselves. I will be honest but not negative , I tell others I choose not to discuss that so if you must do it with someone else.
It works most of the time & when I find myself in a whole I remember the number one rule quit digging.

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• By 35yearsurvivor
• Posted December 31, 2008 at 7:36 pm
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Sarah,

Deep within you is the positive life affirming energy. When the challenges arrive, go where your emotions lead you in that moment. The more you find ways to acknowledge and release the more difficult emotions, the more your naturally positive energy will bubble up. Seems kind of opposite, but it works.

If there are people you feel comfortable sharing the "hard stuff" with, then great. Some people are more able to be there for the release and then bounce right back right along with you. They understand that having tough spots does not change your general nature which is to be positive. Rather, having the strength to "be" with the harder emotions is the key to keeping the healing energy within you flowing the way you want it to. In other words, the "negative" stuff is not actually "anti-healing" at all. If you trust yourself, the release will lead you to a place of even more healing energy than before.

I love the prayer you posted. Just keep finding the people and places where it is safe to let it all hang out. And keep on being your wonderful dynamic self the rest of the time.

Peace and Happy New Year!

Sue

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