Join now

Already a member? Sign in

Welcome to Inspire!

What - Inspire is a place where you can connect with people who share your health concerns and find information and advice in groups sponsored by organizations you know and trust.

Why - As a member you can use Inspire to let friends and family know how you're doing, contact others who share your health concerns, receive personalized updates and information about participating in surveys and clinical trials, and more.

How - Joining Inspire is completely free and usually takes less than a minute. Join now!

corner corner corner

SEX

loveoneanother
0 Recommendations

Hey ladies i just wantto bring this subject to the table for a little feed back. have any of you given up on sex . I've been married for 25 years and to a loving careing man. He still finds for desireable and always wants to have sex but I do not. First of all my cancer was spread to thevaginal area also and it scares me to have intercource. I dont want to bring it up to my doctor because I dont think she will giveme the answers I need. My husband is very understandig and we manage to get by but have any of you experienced this issue. Please help me to understand why i dont want to go there any more. thanks Paula

Explore topics in this discussion:

Cancer Surgery Hysterectomy Prempro Diabetes Breast cancer Ovarian cancer Pain Menopause Heart attack Progesterone Stress

39 replies

Patricia123

I gave up on it when diagnosed. Now I feel better but the surgery and the cuff repair sort of shortened the vagina alot. It scares heck out of me and I too don't want to ask the doc. I know he will say it is fine but it feels like it wont be. I swear, the vagina is like half the size it was and I get spotting just from the vag exam. I am afraid it will rip open and then where will I be,,in bed with my insides hanging out.

Rikku

you MUST ask your doctor.
I didn't give up on sex, but I do think I have less "lust", but for psychological reasons. I mean, when someone touches that area, you (at least I) can't help but think of what happened, i get really sad. And therefore lose the thrive...
I think there should be no "medical" reason not to have sex. You might have to use lubricants though, and maybe estrogen vaginal creams, because of the dryness created bye the hormone imbalance. Again, ASK your doctor. If she doens't answer properly explain it's important for you or just ask another one if you don't feel any empathy!

Plonanon

Sexual problems after various types of cancer are common, and especially after cancers affecting your reproductive organs. Oncologists are supposed to be able to handle such questions.

Your ovaries produce testosterone, which is responsible for libido, so no ovaries can equal reduced libido.

Menopause can result in thinning and dry vaginal tissue and vaginal atrophy, which can make sex more difficult. A good gyn should be able to help you with those, and there is lots of information online.

There are creams that do not contain estrogen, such as Replens, there is vaginal estrogen (which you will need to discuss with your oncologist), and if you suffer from severe vaginal atrophy, there are vaginal dilators, basically pieces of plastic with a handle that you use to stretch the tissue.

Lindaje

okay, you know what a private person I am, but I'm gonna put it out there. First of all you have touched on a VERY PRIVATE subject. You can tell by the low number of replies. The responses are correct in that there are products out there to help with the vaginal issues. I'm not an OVCA patient, but I would think that having surgery in and around your pelvic area would be enough to scare you away from having sex. I think that the issues are menopause related for some. The vaginal walls become dry and thinner with menopause. This can ( and for me does ) cause painful intercourse. Having a history of BRCA, I cannot have HRT. Many women in menopause with these symptoms can and do use HRT. This has caused me a LOT of stress. On the one hand, I do understand that my husband is not ready for this part of his life to be gone. And, I feel really bad about it. Of course there other ways I help him with his 'release', but he says it's just not the same. On the other hand, after so many years together ( 31 ), why does it have to be a priority? Would he throw away so many years and the life we have built together so that he can have sex again? It's a possibility I stress about. There is most likely someone out there willing and ABLE to have sex with him. I don't think we go through life with the thought that "I'll be having sex until I'm 65,70, or 75 or til the day I die.Actually I think our health dictates when the sex stops.Loveoneanother, I don't think you are looking for the medical answers to this. I think you just want validation that you are not the only one who feels this way. I feel this way. My hoo-haa is broken and I really don't care if I have sex ever again. Of course, I am taking my husbands needs into consideration and will begin HRT for my problem. Then I'll get back on that horse and try again.

Lindaje

okay, you know what a private person I am, but I'm gonna put it out there. First of all you have touched on a VERY PRIVATE subject. You can tell by the low number of replies. The responses are correct in that there are products out there to help with the vaginal issues. I'm not an OVCA patient, but I would think that having surgery in and around your pelvic area would be enough to scare you away from having sex. I think that the issues are menopause related for some. The vaginal walls become dry and thinner with menopause. This can ( and for me does ) cause painful intercourse. Having a history of BRCA, I cannot have HRT. Many women in menopause with these symptoms can and do use HRT. This has caused me a LOT of stress. On the one hand, I do understand that my husband is not ready for this part of his life to be gone. And, I feel really bad about it. Of course there other ways I help him with his 'release', but he says it's just not the same. On the other hand, after so many years together ( 31 ), why does it have to be a priority? Would he throw away so many years and the life we have built together so that he can have sex again? It's a possibility I stress about. There is most likely someone out there willing and ABLE to have sex with him. I don't think we go through life with the thought that "I'll be having sex until I'm 65,70, or 75 or til the day I die.Actually I think our health dictates when the sex stops.Loveoneanother, I don't think you are looking for the medical answers to this. I think you just want validation that you are not the only one who feels this way. I feel this way. My hoo-haa is broken and really don't care if I have sex ever again. Of course, I am taking my husbands needs into consideration and will begin HRT for my problem. Then I'll get back on that horse and try again.

Lindaje

sorry about the double reply...my computer told me that my reply had not been posted...when in fact it had been

loveoneanother

thanks ladies for your replys really glad to hear fom thoseof you who dare to be so open. linda yor funny butso happy u put your more then 2 cents worth in. I know we have talked a littleabout this before but it really is an issue I want to address but my days of intimacy are limited. plonanon I've tried the creams but I still find the whole thing not only painfull but non interesting to even think about I have a very understading husband so I get away with just being close to him. Rikku I still will not talk to my doctor about this she dosen't have the credentials to satify me, eve ifshe has heard from others.Patricia I to am afraid I would b ripped apart because i've noticed the thiningof my vaginal skin area . not a pleasant thought.Anyway ladis thank you again. Paula

SouthernBelle

You are all right, sex is difficult after cancer surgery. My vagina was also shortened but it will stretch back in time. My husband and I went slow and I did have some bleeding but my doctor said that they is common. I do not have the sex drive that I use to and sometimes I think some of that is in my head. It has been 1 1/2 yrs. since my surgery and sex is still not a regular thing. It has become better but is still challenging. We do have to use lubricants now because of the hormone shift. Some of the ladies on this site have used a capsule of ky that is time released and it helps. Sorry to also be struggling but give yourself some time. I still love my husband and we hug a lot more now then we use to.

Take care,
Mary

kibbitzqueen

Recipe for:

NO Sex

Ingredients:

6 Doxcil
8+ Surgery Scars
0 Belly Button
1 New Cervix
1 Concerned Husband
Pinch of vaginal bleeding

Set Hoo-Ha aside.

Pre heating not necessary.

Mix all of the above together gently.

Let sit for six months.

Serves: No one

Lindaje

What a hoot !!!! Had a good morning laugh.

mloknitting

Wow. I guess I'm unusual. I want to have sex but my husband is scared of breaking me. There is a very lubricating item called Sliquid that can be easily over-used (I will leave that to your imaginations.) One thing that worries me is that there is one side of my vagina that seems to be easily irritated and men are sooo fragile in the ego that I'm almost afraid to speak up.

If you don' t think your doctor can handle questions about sexuality, CHANGE DOCTORS. They deal with stuff you can't even imagine, so I wouldn't worry about shocking or even talking about something they haven't heard before. It is pretty impossible to be a gyn in practice for any amount of time to not have heard about things the general public don't even know about.

dollycat6

I had stage 111 ovca and surgery involved removing the omentum two bowel resections plus debulking and all that goes with it. I had a hysterectomy and had ovaries,tubes out in 1975 but after the debulking the pathology report showed cancer started in the left fallopian tube ( he didn't remove the left ovary and tube) what a bummer! When 6 weeks was up my husband was eager to know when we could resume sex. The doctor said go slow but you should have no problem(i know SHE didn't have cancer nor the treatment that follows as she felt all was well). It's taken us a while but I must admit I don't have the drive I used to and it is the one thing my husband looks forward to in life ( that's his quote). He doesn't drink,smoke,takeany drugs this is his one love in life.
After several trials of different lubricants we've found two that helped. I love to hug and kiss but any touching and he's ready to go so I try to explain how I feel and he's very loving and willing to wait for me. By the way we are pushing 71 and I refused more chemos I almost died 3 times on the 7 I took so I am in hospice and we still do some RVing. So life is slowly coming back,although it'll never be what it was before I heard that diagnosis and the treatments that followed. I hope you can find a happy medium that satisfies both of you and communication is key. I tell my husband when something's not right etc. good luck to you all...mostly enjoy life!

dollycat6

gmac

Once I got through the surgery and chemo, the loss of libidio was probably harder for me than any other aspect of having ovarian cancer. So much is gained by having good and satisfying sex ... release of tension, personal pleasure, satisfying intimacy, and more. I felt mad and sad to have lost this import aspect of my life. I also knew my husband was experiencing a loss as well. He has been such a great husband and has been there for me every step of the way. I needed to find a way to make things happen again. I did start in my support group and that is where I found out about Replens, a vaginal lubricant. My cancer is estrogen receptive, so no hormones for me. I asked my gyn/oncologist and she reminded me that since the uterus has been removed, I don't have the same "buffer" between the vagina and the other organs. Intercourse might be more comfortable when the bowels were "empty." She also said "Hang in there, time and healing will help." I asked my husband if things felt different, how was the lubricant, and more. We have used "toys" to build comfort and we have made changes to our regular repetoire. We joke because we have both made the effort to schedule intimacy for Sunday afternoons. We are both rested from the work week and "still awake!"
We were probably raised to keep the things of the bedroom private but intimacy is essential to the human spirit. We need to remind ourselves that intimacy is a broad area. It isn't limited to just vaginal intercourse. This isn't the movies, this is every day living. Be brave, speak up, share, ask questions, be honest, and be open.

Dodie1

kibbitzqueen ...thanks for the laugh! Never read that before.

Sex is gone and has been gone for almost 3 years. I have no desire for it anymore. I feel bad for my hubby, but he understands.

Lindaje

Dodie1, thank you for sharing...it helps others who feel that way know they are not "the only one".

Angel1955

Wow, I am glad I am not the only one that has lost all desire for sex! I wasn't all that thrilled with it before (I had early menopause in my 40's), but after surgery and chemo, I had absolutely no interest. I was scared to death for over a year to even try. I just didn't know what to expect.

My husband of 32 years has been very understanding as well, but I feel guilty about not being a "good wife" even though he says it's okay.

I have tried many things, including testosterone cream, HRT cream, Replens, relaxing exercises and anything else the doctor has suggested, all with no success. I am basically giving up...I don't know what else to do. I do feel bad for my husband though, as he still has a very healthy sex drive!

If anyone has any suggestions, I would be open to hearing them!

Stay Strong!

Angel

P.S. Stay away from HRT like Combi-Patch or Prempro, they have been linked to breast cancer, and I am convinced Comb-Patch either caused or encouraged the growth of my ovarian cancer.

lovemnms

kibbitzqueen: good one!

lovemnms

I had a radical hysterectomy and am stage III . I've overcome the physical "fear" but the desire was removed during my surgery!

tg4love

I'm with the rest of you girls about this sex thing. But, since I'm still on chemo and have been for 30 months, I can say there is NO sex in this house. I did think my husband and I had a good understand from day one that sex was NOT the most important part of our marriage. That was 24 yrs ago. Therefore I felt okay that we weren't having it. I have to tell you my husband had a heart attack/surgery 16 months ago too, and has diabetes. Lots of meds, 22 total daily. So, I wasn't worried about the bedroom romp. Until.... I was getting concerned and you know girls we have these feelings? I caught him looking at porn on the internet. It has totally torn me up. Not to mention I already don't feel to good about my looks, and haven't in over 3 yrs. Now, I have this man that I trusted and believed in. On top of all the many side effects I'm having I now have a rash that itches me so bad on my right side of the trunk of my body. This all happened just this past Friday. So when I saw this I couldn't believe my mind. Maybe, I'm not alone with this sex issue! But, now I have another one to deal with on top of the many I already have. Is this normal? I keep looking for help because my mind is going in circles. I know men have their ego and all but geeze, this is to much....
Thank you for bringing this subject up. I feel so ugly, sad and disappointed.

Tisha2

Hi Paula and everyone else. Thank you all for being so upfront with this subject! I am so happy to know I am not the only one with ZERO desire! Before the surgery and diagnosis of stage 3c PPC in 4/06, I enjoyed sex! For the first 2 yrs after surgery I wouldn't even try. My hubby of 35 yrs is so understanding but, sex has always been so important to him I feel so guilty for not wanting any sex at all. I actually don't care if I ever have sex again! However, I want to make my hubby happy! I have tried a few times, very uncomfortable! My reactions also affect him badly. We have tried many lubricants. no help. I too would welcome any ideas that you all might have. My doctor has tried to be helpful and has had suggestions. However,she says no estrogen related stuff! I do want to for his sake, just don't know how to get to that place.
Prayers and "hugs" to you all! Tish

Add to the discussion

Don't have an Inspire account? Join now!

Forgot password?

OCNA: @JanetJackson ABC Special with Janet Jackson tonight at 10:00pm EST http://www.ovariancancer.org/2009/11/18/abc-special-with-janet-jackson/

OCNA: You are invited to our Virtual Holiday Dinner Party! http://www.ovariancancer.org/party/

OCNA: We want to serve our community better. Please help us by taking a quick moment to fill out this survey. Thanks! http://tinyurl.com/yg634a4

OCNA: Kathy Bates opens up about her struggle with ovarian cancer (The Commercial Appeal) ... http://tinyurl.com/yj72xa5

OCNA: Nov.16 ice-skating show! Look for us at our booth as we continue to raise awareness of ovarian cancer Get tixs http://tinyurl.com/yf72hkm

Group leaders

You