my sex drive is non existent!!

i was diagnosed with ovarian cancer when i was 24. im 26 now. i had a full hysterectumy and am going thru menopause now. i didnt have money to get my hormones prescription and i think that might be my mail problem. i have no sex drive at all! will it come back later? is there anything i can do to help it out? i feel so bad for my boyfriend! he has been so supportive and i know he understands.

Report post

26 replies. Join the discussion

You are so young! I had a total hysterectomy last year at the age of 35 and I too am experiencing the joys of menopause...ha!

Between the frequent hot flashes and crying over dogfood commercials, sex was the furthest thing from my mind. My doctor prescribed Zoloft which really helped with the emotions and "power surges" but I'm afraid it did nothing for the sex drive. It no longer exists for me.

I would love to hear from others who have been in menopause for a longer period of time to see if this "lack of desire" is just temporary or here to stay. On a positive note, my husband battled testicular cancer 10 years ago and he too has no drive...we're a match made in heaven!

Report post

Sex drive...what's that? It's been so many years and thank god for a hubby that doesn't complain at all.

Sorry you were diagnosed at such a young age though!

Report post

I'm not Dr. Ruth, but . . .

I've been in surgical menopause since Dec 2009. Those "six weeks" of "no-no" stretched into 12 because of post op complications. We were like crazed teenagers with abstinence rings. That settled down after a while.

Now, I have a mature libido. Frankly, most of the time, rolling over and going to sleep is just fine with me. I'm not much of an instigator any more. But with patience, my hubby can get my motor going.

You kind of have to rediscover sex. LOTS of petting and taking your time going around those 4 bases. Maybe some massages with that scented, heated oil you get from The Body Shop. (You get the picture.) The more pressure you put on yourself to get there, the less satisfying it is.

Report post

lol, awww im sorry to hear that!!! my boyfriend doesnt complain either but i worry because we are so young. i would hate for it to be like this "forever"

Report post

thanks for your advice! hopefully i can get reved up with some oils and rub downs!! that sounds even nicer then the sex part!!!!

Report post

A foot massage does it for me!
It can be better than sex and sure lasts a lot longer. LOL

Report post

I know this is probably almost a reason to be shot on this message board but my sex drive (after everything removed 6 years ago and repeated chemos for reoccurances) is still there and at times even pretty strong. And I'm 54! I
Like was said above, you have to take the pressure off yourself. But also try to think about yourself as a sensual/sexual person which doesn't really go with cancer survivor. So you have to start seeing yourself as someone who wants to enjoy all the things life has to offer us, including our bodies and sex (even when we've been ravaged by this horrible thing). It does require patience.

Report post

im so jealous of you martha!!!! i am self conscience about my body now. i cant help but to think of all the things wrong when im trying to be intimate. i dont know how to not think about it. i dont know how to take the pressure off of myself when im trying to have sex!!! all i think about when im having sex or trying to is that "im broken"

Report post

Martha, may I say I wish I were you?? I once heard that once a woman goes into menopause sex can be amazing because there is no pregnancy pressure. Well, I don't know, maybe they meant natural menopause because after my surgery I have had NO sex drive, Ugh! We were out for dinner with some friends and he (the male part) is studying to be a sexologist (for real. he was a lawyer and thought sex was more up his alley). Anyhoo, he said WELLBUTRIN can have very positive affects on sex drive. I have not tried this yet, but I'm going to talk to my onc during my visit in two weeks. Dare I say there's hope?

WarriorLori, I wish I were you as well. My hubby loves loves loves sex, but is understanding that I don't anymore. He never pressures me, but I feel guilty anyway all on my own.

Report post

Hey Pulcinogiallo, can you please keep me posted on what happens with the wellbutrin?!?!

Report post

Sex? What is SEX??? Massage sounds marvelous though:) Danablue...you are too funny! I can just see it...a cop with his flash light asking you both to step out of the car because he's going to call your parents! I haven't heard anyone refer to "bases" since I was in high school....too cute:)

Report post

phaq -

thank you for initiating this discussion! And to all of you ladies who have responded...thank you for sharing! I have been dealing with the whole "sex drive" problem for about a year now and I have really wanted to know if what I'm feeling is "normal". Unfortunately, the only person in my life who has been through a hysterectomy is my mother. Need I say more? Definitely not the person to discuss intimate issues with! It's not necessarily the fact that I don't want to share my intimacy issues with her, but I DO NOT want her to reciprocate with stories about her sex life with my dad...UGH!!!

Report post

Bless your heart, 24 years old, Ovarian Cancer should be the last thing you should be dealing with. But with your question, Sex or Sex Drive, what the heck is that? I seriously thought it might just be me and my husband. As a double whammy, my husband had a heart attack, at the end of my first diagnosis, so with menopause, over all stress with any medical crisis, chemo, all the other BS drugs in your body, then with all my husband's meds, you honestly would think that we were in our 80's (I am 44). In the beginning the last thing I worried about was sex, as I had no hair, scares, I was sick from chemo, didn't feel overly attractive. Now who knows.

Talk to you physician about this though, I heard there are meds, but you have to be careful on that too, because they load you with alot of crap that could be worse. You are young, and you will get back in the groove, you are overwhelmed at this point with other monsters.

Report post

i agree with you lori!!! i would never discuss this with my mom!! some of my friends moms are going thru it so we will vent about it! my friends are complaining about their periods and cramps and i just chuckle at them and tell them that they have no clue yet!!! i would much rather deal with a period then deal with menopause!!! i feel uncomfortable in my own skin!! i think about if im like this at 26, how will i be when im 40?!?! And thank you for all of your responses!!! its nice to know that your not alone!!!!!

Report post

thanks jane!! so i dont have medical insurance and havent been seen by a doctor since fathers day. it totally sucks not knowing whats going on!!! i tried to apply for medi-cal, but they denied me because i dont have any kids!!! i have tried to look up other organizations but since they caught it in the first stage they dont consider me high risk and wont really help. the tumors were huge, 1 was 14.9x9.9x11.0 cm and the other was 9.9x4.9x9.3 cm. i didnt go thru chemo or radiation. just had the hysterectomy. i couldnt even afford to continue etting my hormone meds. i dont really have family there for me. besides having my best friend there with me non stop, i was pretty much alone!!! i dont know where to go to for advice! i even write dr oz and the doctors but i never get any responses!

Report post

i am 63 my husb is 10 yrs younger- i had surg 2 years ago today- things are going fine - we took our time -we will never be who we were when we were in our 20 s or 30s but doing ok for our age - i was diag stage 4 ov ca - its been a long rough road. and still have miles and miles to go, just knowing if god is welling that we will travel those miles together for as long as we can as far as we can-together- we know how lucky we are,

Report post

never thought of it but things did get better with wellbutrin mainly because i could talk with out crying-
my md was very welling to prescrib them - some of the m,d wanted me to visit with counselor first -not the onco.

Report post

I had my hysterectomy at age 43, i'm stage III C, sex drive not even interested, haven't had any desire at all since 08, i do however take Remifemin and Remifemin good night they are both estrogen free and they help me with my menapause symptoms. Its really amazing how much each one of us has in common aside from the big C.

Report post

i was 28 when diag. with stage III ovarian cancer. total hysterectomy. i am 45 now :) . i did do the estrogen patches. i do believe that helped. if you cannot afford write the company. you will be surprised how a lot of them will help you. i was taken off the patches when i was 38, my reoccurrance was hormone sensitive. my doctor was just telling me about a cream that is to help as well (with the sex ) i believe there is a pill too. Mass General was doing a study on woman with cancer and the sex drive. a part of it is depression as well. it will be ok, take the pressure off yourself. enjoy life without cancer ruling life. you might also want to contact a natural Dr. as there are some things that help naturally as well.

Report post

I had bilateral mastectomies for breast cancer and not thrilled with the results, and now with OVCA and the hysterectomy in 2007 I am on my 8th chemo protocol. My husband had a triple bypass and has all kinds of meds for his heart, cholesterol, etc. What's sex? Except for his male organs, we joke that we're the same physically! We're in our late '60's. I can handle it...no pun intended. :-) A nice hug does it.

Report post

This discussion is closed to replies. We close all discussions after 90 days.

If there's something you'd like to discuss, click below to start a new discussion.

Things you can do

Support OCNA

Help the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance reach its goals and support people like yourself by making a donation today.

Donate to the Ovarian Cancer National Alliance

Discussion topics

Support OCNA

Donate to OCNA

Community leaders