My dr said a scarey thing to me. He said that it was going to
eventually get me but he would rather later than sooner.
And that was his job. He never talked so hopelessly before.
Now I know that in the back of my mind that this illness probably
will lead to death eventually. I have stage IV and was diagnosed
in 2005 but I just didn't need it spoken by my trusted dr who had
always been so hopeful
I think he was angry because I got a 2nd opinion and the other
dr did not agree with him. I feel angy at my dr. I feel like he took
away some of my hope for a cure. The other dr said if I stick
around long enough I may be able to evetually get the PaRP
inhibitor. That is suppossed to be life-saving. I am actually
looking into getting in to a clinical study with the PARP.
What do you guys think? Should I find another dr?
Sincerely, Nancy
Already a member? Sign in
Welcome to Inspire!
What - Inspire is a place where you can connect with people who share your health concerns and find information and advice in groups sponsored by organizations you know and trust.
Why - As a member you can use Inspire to let friends and family know how you're doing, contact others who share your health concerns, receive personalized updates and information about participating in surveys and clinical trials, and more.
How - Joining Inspire is completely free and usually takes less than a minute. Join now!
My dr said It will eventually get you.
- By Nancy2627
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 11:49 am · 45 replies
- In Recurrence
- Shared with the public
Explore topics in this discussion:
Cancer Taxol Surgery Hospice care Avastin Decadron Lung cancer Ovarian cancer
45 replies
- Oldest first
- Newest first
- By Cheryl4Teal
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 12:00 pm
- Report post
Nancy, I got to say something THAT was NOT the right thing to say. I dont care what statistics say. Every person has a different makup, and everybody is diffrent.
My doctors say you no longer can go by the numbers.
Id go with the second opinion doctor and try to get in with him.
Again Nancy im so sorry he scared you that way.
Hugs Cheryl
- By froedtertgal
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 12:12 pm
- Report post
Angry because you got a second opinion? Immature and unprofessional. The thing that upsets me is that you trusted him - and with his choice of words he betrayed you. There are a lot of things going on in research and yes, everyone of us is different. Whether or not you switch docs is up to you, but never give up hope for the future. Have a hug from me, too.
- By koh847
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 12:19 pm
- Report post
Hi, sorry your doc said that to you. I have had things said to me that really made me sick. I think sometimes they just do not think!
Are you BRCA positive? You mention the Parp inhibitors and I am not sure if you have to be BRCA positive or not. Anyone know?
Good luck and lets all keep our heads up.
Kim
- By motivatedone
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 3:25 pm
- Report post
Nancy, I am going through the same thing I got a second opinion and my Dr is upset with me. I am now in the process of getting a new review of my path report. I think I was misdiagnosed they thought the primary was stomach but no cancer was found in the stomach so it is ovarian cancer. I have 2 Dr's working with me but they need to make sure when it comes to treating me with the chemo.
- By froedtertgal
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 3:28 pm
- Report post
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU HAVE TO BE BRCA1 OR 2 TO PARTICIPATE IN CLINICAL TRIALS, BUT THE RESEARCH THUS FAR INDICATES VERY EFFECTIVE, POSITIVE RESULTS FOR THOSE WITH THE MUTATIONS. HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH MENDING THE FRAZZLED ENDS OF THE MUTATED GENES (TUMOR SUPPRESSOR GENES WHICH ARE ON THE FRITZ.)
- By khollett
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 3:37 pm
- Report post
Hi Nancy,
I had a doctor tell me the same thing. It was right when I was diagnosed with my first and only recurrence. I was absolutely terrified, crying, etc. The last think I needed was to hear that. However, I kind of brought it on by a asking him if I was going to die soon. I had been in remission for almost 5 years and thought I had beat it. Well, he answered me quite bluntly. This doctor however, did not end up being the right doctor for me and thank-goodness I was able to seek 2nd opinions and get away from this man. I now have a doctor that I like alot. He is very optomistic and is very smart too. I don't ask those questions any more because it doesn't do me any good. I am getting ready to graduate from a medical assistant program I am completing at the local community college here. My intent is find a job early next year after I take my national certification test. My cancer is stable and I feel good. One day at a time is all I do these days. I try to stop worrying about things I cannot control. If you don't like the answer this doc gave you and you don't like him - then find one that you do like and trust. That is half the battle.
Kathy
- By abbaschild
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 3:40 pm
- Report post
Hi, Nancy. I'm so sorry your doctor said that to you. Sometimes they don't think like we do...after all, we're the one with this disease so I don't think it affects the doctors the same way as it affects us.
That being said, if you don't feel comfortable with this doctor or you don't have confidence in him/her anymore, then maybe you should look into finding another one. Alot of our "fight" comes out of our emotional well-being...so you need to feel good about going to your doctor. It's not good for us to get depressed over anything...we need to stay focused on fighting this disease with a positive attitude!
Statistics are just that...statistics. That doesn't mean it will be you not making it for many more years to come! Girlfriend, I am planning on being here to see my grandchildren get married, and I'm definitely looking forward to those great grandchildren :) So, you come on, now!! Think positive! We can do this!!
Blessings and hugs!!
- By lovemnms
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 3:46 pm
- Report post
I just encountered the same thing. I went to the doctor fo a three month check up
He was always so my kind and very thoughtful. Now he's gloomy and is now talking about my life in months and brief years! What got into him?
- By tex2step
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 4:46 pm
- Report post
During one of the first meetings with my Gyn/Onc (after Staging my PPC at IIIC), he offered me this information.... "now that I knew what would most probably take my life - I could choose how to live with what time I had." He explained that it could be a few years or many years, but that the length of time was an unknown. He stated that statistics were just guesses, but this was a chronic disease with remissions and relapses.
I wasn't angry with my doctor as he told me what he knew and let me decide how to make the most of my life. I was like most people, living my life, taking care of my family, and planning for the future.
I knew in my head to live everyday as if it were my last, but somehow I was just moving through my days thinking that I had plenty of time. Now I can start taking care of my "bucket list".....for that I am grateful to him. I realize that this directness is not for everyone, but for me it was appreciated and taken to heart.
My original Gyn/On was in the Military and he has moved on to a new assignment. That is one of the hazards of Military life. My new doctor is upbeat and optimistic and for that I am also grateful, Each one came into my life at just the right time. I know that it was the hand of God who lead me to them. I will continue the fight for as long as God allows, but I will do so with renewed enthusiasm for family, friends and each day of my life. Best Wishes to each of you. Stacey
- By Jennali
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 4:54 pm
- Report post
I have never asked my doctor how long I might live. Heck...he doesn't know! Does he have a crystal ball? I am sure the doctors who sent my Aunt Dona home to die in 6 months believed it. But she fooled them and lived 18 more years. I think unless we are displaying really, really obvious end-of-life symptoms, that the doctors should be encouraging. I would change doctors if mine were real doom and gloom. I don't need it.
- By Nancy2627
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 5:32 pm
- Report post
Thank you all for your very intelligent and heart felt responses.
I am touched. I am having second thoughts about my dr. I don't know if I should confront him with how he made me feel or just
chalk it up to he was in a foul mood. I also wonder if maybe I should find a dr who is more compassionate and thoughtful. But then too
you need someone on the ball and very knowledgable. To one of the
reccomendations of the second opinion dr's , my dr said that is
nonsense. You could tell it made him angry. When I told him that
he specialized in ovarian cancer he rolled his eyes.
I have to say that my dr has gotten me this far. I will celebrate
5 years since diagnosis in Feb'10. Then I can write my story in
Conversations.
I like the nurses who give me chemo. Although there are good
nurses everywhere. I definitely will get chemo Tuesday as planned.
It has been postponed because of a disagreement I had with my
dr about Gemzar. He wanted me to have and nothing else. I tried it
and didn't like it and I also didn't like the frequency that it had to
be given. The second opinion dr didn't like Gemzar and said that
it hasn't been in many clinical trials and he thought I should go back on the Taxol and Avastin. I guess they have a new protocol at
my dr's office that you can't get the two together for some reason.
They didn't explain why. I have been having blood pressure elevations so it probably isn't a bad idea.
I heard about a dr that I have been to before that does chemo now.
I might look into his practice. I know of a woman that goes to him.
I might call her or e-mail her.
Any more suggestions would be welcomed. God Bless You
All. Sincerely, Nancy
- By FavoriteAunt
- Posted October 18, 2009 at 9:10 am
- Report post
Your doctor is wrong and unprofessional and uncaring for saying that. No matter what the outcome is eventually, he is there to care for you and help you along the way. Why can't he just say it's a chronic disease that you'll always have to deal with?
And if he is angry that you got a second opinion, well that's too bad. A good doctor understands and accepts that. I'd definitely consider following up with the other doctor, who seems more hopeful. He can't peform miracles, but he can hopefully give you a fighting chance and not give up on you.
It's a personal decision, but it is also your life - and you are entitled to the best and most compassionate care available. I hope you find the right answer and wish you the best.
- By bohan54
- Posted October 18, 2009 at 9:52 am
- Report post
If you feel uncomfortable hearing those words, you should move on. I believe that what he said is true whether any of us wants to hear it or not. He did not give you a date and hoped it would be later than sooner. I don't want my doctor to give me false hope, sunshine and rainbows, but that is just my opinion.
- By pegart
- Posted October 18, 2009 at 12:52 pm
- Report post
My Dr. is very optimistic, but he would not give me false hope if and when the time comes. I trust him to be up front. Right now he is a little perturbed with my daughter who has this really strange thing about chemo. She thinks it will make me a zombie and I shoudn't take the chemo, but go on my dream vacations and do all the things I've wanted to do. He says I should think of the chemo and ovc as a chronic disease like diabetis. they take insulin and we take chemo. He said this was my life not hers and I should be able to do all of the above even with the chemo.
- By Cheryl4Teal
- Posted October 18, 2009 at 12:59 pm
- Report post
The rolling of the eyes would really do it for me. Like Jennali said you dont know. I know a woman who was destined to die with Ovarian Cancer 10 years ago, shes had parts of all HER ORGANS removed. Shes had Ovarian to start it went to liver, kidney ETC
Shes had 6 surgeries in 10 years. Chemo you name the kind shes done it.
Guess what? Shes celbrating her 47th B day today.
So while I dont want sunshine and rainbows myself you cant go by one person or gauge it.
The last time I saw my doctor her said this.
Ive had stage 1c cancers come here and there gone in 10 months.
Then I get a stage 3 or 4 and they live 10 15 years or more. Do we know why no we dont EVERYBODY is diffrent.
Ill except that.
I say go to the doctor you went for the second opinion. He seems like he cares. Good luck to you.
- By llj
- Posted October 18, 2009 at 1:27 pm
- Report post
At this point, my understanding is you have to be BRCA positive to get in on the trials. I have the BRCA-2 gene mutation, but my doctor is not going to put me in the trial, even though it is being conducted at Moffitt Cancer Center, where he was trained and where his mentor/researcher (who I met with two months ago) conducts research, because Tamoxifen is working on me right now. But, I thought I heard it might work on others without the genetic mutation. They're just not at that point of testing to my understanding.
- By verlinda
- Posted October 18, 2009 at 6:02 pm
- Report post
I've never seen any study that said 100% of ovarian cancer patients will die of ovarian cancer. Someone, even at Stage 4, Grade gazillion survives. Why shouldn't it be you?
- By quacker
- Posted October 18, 2009 at 6:09 pm
- Report post
Statistics show that patients do better and live longer with oncologists who are caring and supportive, given that all other things are equal such as staging, tumor grade, chemo etc. I would go with the doctor who gives you hope. The fact that you have made it for 5 years with stage IV is very encouraging. I'm stage IV coming up on my second anniversary, with one recurrence, no remission this time, and resistance to all major chemos. Even with this news, my oncologist has never predicted doom and gloom.
- By MaryW
- Posted October 19, 2009 at 9:33 am
- Report post
None of us lives forever, but given my druthers, I would like to live another 20 years! But who knows if it will be ovca that I die from? I think having a doctor I feel comfortable with is important for my wellbeing. I can't imagine losing all my energy and dreading an appointment with a doc I'm not getting support from. Do what you need to do to get a doc you are comfortable with. I'm 5.5 years out since diagnosis with 3C, grade 3 and except for little breaks, have been on continuous chemo with multiple kinds of chemo. Like you, Nancy, I hope to continue quality of life, living until the next chemo comes around that will give me another year. HUGS and Blessings!
- By karen7149
- Posted October 19, 2009 at 10:00 am
- Report post
My oncologist said the same thing to me. This is after the ER doctors told my husband I had 2-3 mos to live, this was in Feb 2009. I had a great surgeon and gynocologist. My cancer responded well to the chemo and I am in remission now. Now my oncologist tells me to keep surprising her, she likes it. I am proof positive that things don't always go the way they think that they are going to go.
Add to the discussion