A couple of weeks ago, I had an exam because of some odd symptoms that seemed similar to what my mom went through, 4 years ago. Everything checked out ok, but my doctor ordered a follow-up ultrasound, just to make sure. I called my insurance company and they are telling me that I don't have 'reasonable concern' to have an ultrasound covered. I guess it doesn't really matter to them that my mom died from OVC, last summer. Not only that, the ultrasound wouldn't even count towards my deductible. It would be completely out-of-pocket.
My doctor will have to call them and figure it out. It is frustrating the way the system works. I tried to explain to them that it is in everyone's best interest to allow women to error on the side of caution and not wait until it is too late to do 'follow-up' ultrasounds. It should be common knowledge, especially with insurance companies and their close-knit relationship to hospitals and clinics, that too many women are misdiagnosed before getting treated for OVC. It is so uneccesary.
The irony in all of this is that what my mom did for a living, before retiring, was medical case management. She would give the yes or no on whether or not procedures could be covered, for a particular insurance company. She was an RN for several years and understood how all of this worked. I tried hard to fight back the tears, as I got no where with my insurance.
It made me sad to realize that this is the way it is. There is no compassion, despite how much a representative wants to 'be human' with you, their hands are tied by rules and more rules. I would imagine that their jobs are not easy, day in and day out.
My comfort lies in that God is in control. I am not fearful, but I am also not ingnorant. It is sometimes difficult to fight off fear when it comes. I allow myself to express the emotions I need to, and then I do the next thing: change another diaper, wipe up the floor(again!), or pay another bill. Life continues; and I want so much to live every day to the fullest. My babies need me here as long as possible.
I did not have the chance to grow up with my mom and have that mother-daughter bond, that I see so many other people have. We were separated for much of my childhood, due to some difficult circumstances. I now realize that in my initial grieving her loss, the ongoing grief I've had for my entire life is likely due to an attachment disorder or something like that(they have names for everything these days! ). I am pursuing therapy and look forward to meeting the right counselor for my situation.
Every day is a blessing, no matter how crappy it may be going : )





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