Getting ready for Abdominal Surgery number 6

I will try to make this as brief as possible. Just a little history 1st:
I was first diagnosed with Advanced Ovarian Cancer on Nov. 15, 2002 and since then have been on 8 treatments of Taxol and Carboplatinum and 2 treatments of Gemzar. After I finished my treatments we opted for the 2nd look surgery of which more cancer was found. We decided to do the intraperitoneal chemo of Cisplatinum. During the process of inserting the port for the chemo; my surgeon accidentally poked a hole in my intestine where as I got a severe case of paritonitus which resulted in 2 emergency abdominal surgeries and being cancer free for 3 and half years. Well I had another 2 abdominal surgeries which totals 5. My cancer come back in April 2006 and have been through Avastin, then an 18 month break, then Avastin and Etoposide, and my 5th surgery on March 15, 2009.

I have been having a rough go at recovering from this past surgery and just started on Tamoxifen around July 1st and just last Friday I was hospitalized for a severe abdominal block in my stomach. I just had a failed surgery today to install a stent in my stomach. I was really hoping this would work but it so incredibly scary having the tubes in my stomach through my mouth and then vomit rushing out of my mouth and nose at the same time. I thought for sure I was going to drown. I had tears streaming down my face as this was happening and thank god they stopped the surgery. This was surgery to clear up the massive block in my stomach and then a stint surgery was supposed to happen later on in the day which was canceled. Now I am scheduled for my 6th abdominal surgery which is Gastric Bypass. This block is pretty severe. I'm actually scared pretty shitless of this next surgery just to be completely honest. I'm afraid of not being strong enough to survive it since I have lost so much weight (over 40lbs) and I now weigh 107lbs at 5ft6. I have been having some serious anxiety over worrying that I won't survive this surgery being so soon after such another major surgery. This will be major too as it will also involve cleaning out the area of my stomach and debauking of some tumors. Just need some prayers and support that I can get through this. I don't know why I don't feel so strong anymore despite all that I have been through.

I admire each and every one of you for what you all have been through and this disease (all cancers) really needs a cure. I don't know why so much has been wasted on war for oil and not on this terror that is killing many thousands every single day. Sorry didn't mean to get political here but it does piss me off. I wish you all the best in your fights and struggles.

By momanderson920
Posted July 25, 2009 at 9:14 am
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Shoppingkarma, you are in my prayers. You have been through an awful lot and your courage and fight amaze me. The will to live and fight is very powerful and though your body is weak, your will is still there as I can hear it in your post. We will all keep you in prayer. I totally agree with you....we need a cure and I wish people in this world would put their efforts toward things to help each other instead of destroy each other. When is your surgery? Prayer is very powerful and we are all praying for you. You will make it! XXXOOO HUGS Cindy

By shoppingkharma
Posted July 25, 2009 at 9:42 am
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Thanks momanderson920, my surgery is this Monday, July 27th. You are right about the will to live and I know that I have it. It still scares the crap out of me to worry about not waking up or something going wrong during the surgery. I think yesterday's surgery caused me to get a little apprehensive about this upcoming surgery.

By khollett
Posted July 25, 2009 at 11:55 am
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Hang in there shoppingkharma - you are stronger than you think. Keep your mind strong and your body will follow. Hopefully this next surgery will fix all of the problems so you can get back on your feet. The ladies of Teal are made of steal!!!!! I will be praying for you and sending good positive thoughts for you to get healthy and strong.
Kathy

By katelynsmamaw
Posted July 25, 2009 at 1:42 pm
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Bless your heart. You have been through so much. You are such a strong and brave woman. You can do this. Please know that we all care about you and will be praying for your recovery. Keep up your strong will as I'm sure you will. Your a tough cookie!

By AUNTB3
Posted July 25, 2009 at 3:43 pm
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shoppingkharma,
You have every right to be pissed...you are exactly right also.I am the sister in law to a stage 3ovc patient.She too has been thru the multiple stomach (blockages) surgeries.Last on 7/1/09 So please listen...( I relayed this to her.. courtesy of one of the wonderful ladies on this site)so hers your lecture of love.. We are all her together for one reason or another..we have this dreadful CRAP.. or a loved one does..remember every time you feel down and feel in that dark place... we are here to flip the light switch back on for you...FLIP....lets get yours back on... As i tell Regis.. these are just road blocks... and we can and will conquer thru them...Please stay strong and remember we are all here...take care of YOU!!Brenda

By mloknitting
Posted July 25, 2009 at 7:54 pm
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shoppingkharma,

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. I wish the research dollars were going to cure and treat this awful disease. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you will have good news for us on July 28th.

Pax,

Melissa

By sueoz
Posted July 25, 2009 at 9:40 pm
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Hi,
I just had to reply after reading about your latest ordeal. You are in my prayers and thoughts, it's so unfair what you've had to go through - however, you're also a huge inspiration for a lot of us on here.
Sending you positive energy... I wish you were here with me so that I could give you a really big hug :)

Best wishes,

Sue

By dollycat6
Posted July 25, 2009 at 10:02 pm
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shoppingkarma you are still in my prayers. You have gone through so much andI know you can get through this one even though you had such a crappy experience with the last attempt. I wish I could be by your side holding your hand tightly and you'd get ALL my positive vibes being sent directly to you. Please keep us informed we love you.

dollycat6

By CATSMEOW
Posted July 26, 2009 at 5:55 am
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You will get through this.I read your posts on your blog and you are one heck of a fighter.You have your wonderful hubby with you and I wish I had such a dedicated partner.I only weighed 115 going under in May and I just gained that back-slowly.I know you are scared-everyone is when sugery is upon us.When you get up the strength on Tuesday-We want to hear all about it.We will talk with you then.Keep Positive

By verlinda
Posted July 26, 2009 at 7:52 am
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Shoppingkarma,

I just read a little of your blog. Besides the fact that you write so vividly, your spirit bursts through.

I'm so sorry you've had to endure all this. Of course, you were terrified! Who wouldn't be?

Anyway, you are Wonder Woman!

You and your family are in my prayers. I loved your photos and I'm glad your precious dog got to visit.

Blessings.

By Debofil
Posted July 26, 2009 at 8:02 am
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My gosh, you have been through so much and still strong. You are amazing. When I have been afraid during my surgeries, I just go to sleep and imagine angels standing all around me, protecting me and keeping me safe. They really are there, we just can't see them. I used to do that with chemo too because I have had several very severe reactions to that too and I would always get very nervous - even more than the surgery ! I would even get sick to my stomach on the way there as well, then I would close my eyes, relax and imagine my Angels helping me through.

Good luck and may your Angels be with you. I will pray for you.

By PUPPYMOMMY
Posted July 26, 2009 at 8:35 am
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Hello Shoppingkharma, I hope some of my good fortune will be sent to you as you enter the operating room yet one more time. Oct 2006 I had aggressive surgury to remove a huge ovarian tumor that had caused my lungs to fill with fluid an collapse. I was stage 3 but no other organs were involved. I had to sign a paper saying I may wake up missing a few organs or pieces of organs. It was terrifying.

My doctor in Pensacola Steven Decesaere is an angel and when he told us what he wanted to to I thought he was nuts, but I did it anyway. He did a debulking and microscopic inspection of all internal stuff. I was on the table for 6 hours while the pulled out and inspected everything cutting and scraping anything that looked even mildly suspicious. I was on life support for a day to recover in a drug induced coma. Then two weeks later without even a chance to feel a little better he started what I called the Belly washes. One week Cisplatin with taxol IV, the next week taxol belly wash alone, then a week off. I did this for 6 long months. This is the procedure they messed up on you.

I had the usual challenges, the 105 fever and hospital admission at Christmas, but nothing like what you have been faced with. I am 5 8 and at the lowest weight of my treatment I was 132 lbs and skin and bones. I cannot imagine how you are walking around.

Of course an obstruction would keep you from eating I am sure.

I hope this surgury is successful and that you can become cancer free as well. I wish you had my doctor the first time. I feel so very blessed and hope my blessings will be passed on to you.

Oh, by the way, the fat grows back! It feels wierd at first like your insides are just floating around in there, but once you are able to eat properly you wil begin to feel better. Let us all know how you are doing! My initial ca125 was 2229 my last one a week ago read 6! I hope the same for you.

Puppymommy

By FavoriteAunt
Posted July 26, 2009 at 9:11 am
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You have been through far more than is fair for one person. I am amazed at your strength and courage. I will be praying for you and hoping that maybe this surgery will take care of all the residual problems and give you some peace and comfort for a change.

Yes, the world should do more to fight this terrible disease - all cancers - that kill so many and ruin so many lives. That would be a true miracle. Meantime, you stay strong and remember we are all thinking of you and praying for you for success. Let us know how things go.

By Coachdunn
Posted July 26, 2009 at 9:27 am
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You are truly an amazing young lady! So many thoughts & prayers are being sent to you!!
AS you prepare to encounter another surgery....
Think positive ~ allow yourself to held in the
"palm of HIS Hands".....
I am wondering if your have the same DR / Hosp
that you began with back in 02?

By shoppingkharma
Posted July 26, 2009 at 9:54 am
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I want to thank all of you from the bottom of my heart all of these very heart felt responses to my terror of having this number 6 surgery. I will be taking the advice of imagining angels surrounding me; much like many of you are to me. Us Teal sisters are tough as steel. I know being surrounded by so much love and all the the blessings and prayers will get me through this. I will think of all of you prior to going under with much confidence I will awaken and start to get much stronger after this surgery. I will finally start to gain weight and get strong enough for this upcoming snowboard season! I will get to ride my old lady bike that I love so much! Hope many of you have been able to check out my blog and it seems many of you have. I hope it doesn't just make anyone pity me for what I go through only appreciate those moments you each have where you are painfree or just having joyous moments with loved ones. You really do have to enjoy all the moments you are given and I have certainly have been enjoying some moments with my husband by my side and my sweet sheltie lying at the foot of my bed. It was very sweet. I love you all dearly!
Love,
Jayne

By givengrace
Posted July 26, 2009 at 10:24 am
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I had just signed on this morning, read your post,\first thing, then the replies, then went to your blog and read your recent entry there. And coming back just now to see your latest post, I'm encouraged by your words. I've only been in this group a couple of weeks, but I have learned so much in that short time. Your story is truly one of strength and humor and courage. You inspire me and, I think it's safe to say you inspire every one of us that has read your story. This is one crappy club we're in, but it means so much to me to feel the support here and to know there are other real people who understand what living with ovca is about. God bless you, keep up the good fight and know that I add my prayers to all the others. Love, Gia

By ohmama123
Posted July 26, 2009 at 11:50 am
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Jayne,
I have tears rolling down my face as I read your post and all of the replies you have received. We are so similar in age and diagnosis, I am just starting the process now. I see what you have endured and my heart breaks for you for having to be continually tested, and yet, you have proven that you are such a strong soul! You get it - you appreciate life and moments - its a lesson that so few people learn until its too late, and yet its a code you live by EVERY day! You are a remarkable and amazing woman.
My FIRST (well, second if you count the laparoscopy...) surgery is this Wednesday, and I am so fearful - I have gained 40 pounds and feel it will be a deterence in my surgery and recovery. I'm scared to be on the table for so long, scared of what they will find and what they'll miss, scared of what my road will be after my recovery and the next 6 treatments that are already scheduled for me... and I see your path and know that there is just no way to predict how this damn disease will play out. I am so appreciative that you continue to post and to blog honestly about your experience. I hope you find it helpful to get it out of your head" and please trust that your time and effort to do so is found to be helpful for so many others. You will be in my thoughts as I will be in a hospital bed recovering this week with you! Keep your faith as you have shown you are stronger than you probably could have imagined.

Peace, hope, strength and love to you,

Kristin

By moie_59
Posted July 26, 2009 at 12:32 pm
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I'm so sorry to hear about your recent set backs. You are a wonderful strong woman,stronger than you think. I hope you know how much we all care about you. I'll be thinking of you and sending possitive energy your way. This surgery will go better the Dr's have learned what to expect from the last attempt and will have thought through new ways to bring about a more positive out come. It's natural to be scared. Bravery is being scared and still doing what has to be done despite being afraid. Your a Brave strong woman with alot to live for. Wishing you all the best.
Mary

By hope4seka
Posted July 28, 2009 at 12:54 am
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Jayne,
I am so sorry you have to go through all this again, it is soooo unfair, I will be praying for you as well and sending good positive thoughts for you to get in good health soon !!! You did it before you can do it again…you are inspiration to so many people that are going through same or similar situation. Stay positive my friend, all is going to be all right wish I can give you hug,…truthfully I need one too!!!

Many, many hugs and hope for the cure for All !!!
hope4seka - mom, Rada

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