Forgiveness has been a big part of my healing.

• By kla
• Reply 256724
• January 18, 2009 at 12:05 pm
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I believe the biggest act of forgiveness is forgiving ourselves and moving to a greater awareness of the helping hand we can put out to others.

• By marymargaret
• Reply 256739 · In reply to 256724 by kla
• January 18, 2009 at 12:20 pm
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I agree! Forgiving myself has been huge and is ongoing! I am becoming more aware "of the helping hand we can put out to others," as you mentioned, that is a result of that self-forgiveness. Thank you for your response! Love, Mary Margaret

• By kla
• Reply 256785
• January 18, 2009 at 12:52 pm
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You are most welcome.

• By momanderson920
• Reply 256931
• January 18, 2009 at 3:57 pm
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I agree totally. I think being unforgiving of ourselves is a large part of our depression and stress...it is for me. I constantly beat myself up over things in my past I can not change. The serenity prayer is a wonderful prayer and one I try and say when I am feeling completely helpless.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, Courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Not always easy to do. I know I struggle with resentment big time and it is not healthy for our bodies.

• By marymargaret
• Reply 257352 · In reply to 256931 by momanderson920
• January 18, 2009 at 11:58 pm
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Hi Momanderson, I love the Serenity Prayer, too. Thank you for reminding me of it.

The thing that is helping me most with my feelings of resentment (and all my negative feelings) is the "work" of Byron Katie. If you're interested, go to www.thework.com and then check out the Oprah interview or watch some of the other videos on that site. It'll give you an idea of her system.

I've read 4 of her books (including one called Loving What Is) and I'm starting to do the "work" myself. It's done on paper and it really is helping me to let go of anger, resentment, blame, etc.

Check it out and then let me know what you think.

Lots of love, Mary Margaret

• By momanderson920
• Reply 257358
• January 19, 2009 at 12:19 am
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I checked out the website and it is very interesting. I have a hard time with resentment and anger at my husband. I know it only hurts me as he seems oblivious to it. I think it is mentally healthy to allow yourself to be angry and vent it in a constructive way since bottled up anger causes all kinds of physical maladies. But harbored resentment is bad for us too.

• By gg1
• Reply 257533
• January 19, 2009 at 9:30 am
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We really do need to learn to forgive ourselves and let go of the guilt, what ifs, regrets, angers, resentments, the only one this hurts is us. It is so much easier said than done and I thank you for these resources. My way to deal with all these stresses is to give it all to God one thing at a time and live in anticipation and praise for our Great God who is capable of all things.

• By Shelter
• Reply 257536
• January 19, 2009 at 9:32 am
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Forgiveness is absolutely KEY,.....
thank you for sharing this MaryMargaret
.. may we all learn, and apply these valueable truth's that we maybe changed..
Blessing to you today
-MA

• By verlinda
• Reply 258003
• January 19, 2009 at 2:46 pm
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I think forgiveness is vital--for and to ourselves, our loved ones, any medical staff who seems to be uncaring, for errors that occur.

At the same time, I think it is important not to confuse forgiveness with a call to action. I'm a Christian, so I rely on the Bible. We are told to be angry and not sin. I certainly blew that many times during treatment because I didn't take the time to seek good advice about problem-solving. If I err and don't realize it, I can't change without someone pointing that out. Likewise, for those with whom I came in contact.

My friends in various aspects of the medical profession gave me tremendous insight into why some of my concerns were ignored (and told me when they shouldn't be!), told me how to approach medical staff, and told me when--yes, you were mistreated, but there's nothing that can be done about it--to let it go.

During chemo, I think one reason medical staff ignore some of our frustration is that they think the steroids are speaking. I tended to forget that I was given huge doses of steroids to allow my body to tolerate the poison it was receiving. One of my pharmacy friends reminded me that pharmacists' nickname for steroids is the mean pills. This meant sometimes medical staff would brush off concerns with the idea that "That's just the steroids speaking. She doesn't mean to be that angry. Let's just ignore it," instead of listening to the concerns and addressing the issue.

Time and distance have put several events in perspective. They've also shown me we need to figure out a kind, considerate way to prevent the recurring communication issues we keep seeing here.

Let's brainstorm about ways to respect all our oncology staff does for us and still be heard. I'm still amazed that it was only within the last year that someone published an article admitting there might be a physical basis for chemo brain. That showed me how very, very far behind the medical community was in understanding that all our problems weren't emotional ones related to stress. I know we have women who visit medical schools and explain what we go through. Now if we could just get into nurses' training and continuing ed!

• By kla
• Reply 260038
• January 21, 2009 at 11:03 am
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I pray none of you ever get the lesson in forgiveness that I had to work through.My son was murdered . I had to find away to find the kind of forgiveness that would allow me forgiveness.How could I pray the most powerful prayer The Lords prayer and ask God to bless me with forgiveness if I could not forgive the man who killed my beloved son.The more I prayed the more I felt God had left me in a hell on earth.Then I started getting sick had I called this on myself , hadn't I laid on the floor screaming in pain just let me die.It was during the time that I was searching for what was wrong with me that I was hit with the lighting bolt of Christs last words in Luke 33:34 "Forgive them for they know not what they do." Christ suffering on the cross asks for the forgiveness of those who are causing the suffering. God in his mercy gives that forgiveness . Who was I to not forgive the man who did not know the pain and suffering he was inflicting And then expect God to forgive me.Wasn't I the one who says If you ask where is God in a situation .Why didn't you bring him?
That does not mean I did not pray for justice. But it means the anger at him and at myself are gone they do not eat at my soul or body. When I get hurt I can forgive because I know that they don't know what they do . This also doesn't mean I don't educate if I can that something has caused me pain if I can.
I tell you this story because I as a mother can not imagine anything worse than the loss of a child. I can not imagine anything that pushes the bounds of forgiveness any further than this.I do not hold myself up,but the Lord and his love for it his forgiveness not mine that is what it's about. You know what it was a lot harder to forgive me than him.
May God Bless you all with the peace and blessing of forgiveness.

• By marymargaret
• Reply 264526 · In reply to 260038 by kla
• January 25, 2009 at 10:11 am
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Dear kla,

Thank you so much for sharing the story of your son's murder. How beautiful that you have been able to turn this incredible tragedy into such a blessing of connectedness to God through forgiveness.

I was touched when you wrote, "It was during the time that I was searching for what was wrong with me that I was hit with the lighting bolt of Christs last words in Luke 33:34 "Forgive them for they know not what they do.""

Am I correct in thinking that you discovered your cancer sometime after the murder?

I discovered mine shortly after my sister died. Although she was not murdered (she died suddenly after trying a new chemo formula), she did die tragically, and unexpectedly, and there was an enormous amount of tension in our family surrounding her death.

When you wrote "...I laid on the floor screaming in pain just let me die." I was reminded of my own situation.

I remember feeling very alienated from my family, and saying to my mother in desperation, "What will it take for this family to wake up? Will I have to get cancer?" And less than 2 months later, I was diagnosed.

I believe that life gives us the exact experiences we need to advance our soul's journey. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and inspiring me with your journey to forgiveness.

I'm blessed to have encountered you along my path.

Love,
Mary Margaret

• By kla
• Reply 264886 · In reply to 264526 by marymargaret
• January 25, 2009 at 3:32 pm
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Yes it was during the time after my sons death that I stared getting ill.I don't believe God gave me this I believe he would not give me poison when I asked for water ,but I do believe that I opened myself up to evil things .I believe fully In Ephesians 6 & think I laid down my armour & opened my self up to the things the enemy could take not my salvation but my body and voice.
As for families they are made of a very breakable crystal and when something shatters it , It's hard to put it back together. At first I thought it would go back the way it was ,but it won't and that has to be forgiven to.
God Bless and know your response was a blessing to me and my path kate

• By Opal
• Reply 265039
• January 25, 2009 at 6:31 pm
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marymargaret,
I felt the same way when I was diagnosed with "OC" three years ago. I realized that i had experienced two traumatic events. One was the death of my brother, who had told me that I had to forgive people who hurt me or it would take me out. he died several weeks later after telling me this (Jan2005) I struggled for months trying to figure out exactly what he meant. It wasn't until one Sunday that I was at church and it hit me and I understood and I also knew that I had to have surgery for severe endometriosis. It was after the surgery(May 2006) that I was diagnosed with stage 1 ovarian cancer. I have undergone treatment and I'm cancer free.(Sep 2006) I have continued to keep my "Spiritual Account" clear through Forgivenes of others as well as forgiving myself. I am so thankful that God reveals Himself spiritually through our natural understanding. Laughter has also been apart of my healing !! =) I have a different attitude about life now! "It's Very Important and Very Short", Enjoy it, Share it, Love it!!!