Crying

• By Lemona
• Posted November 25, 2008 at 11:33 am
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Dear Kay,
I have been on anti-depressants for years and my doctor added a third one because of my chemosobbieness (I love it!). It is called Trazodone and I take it at night because it also helps me sleep. It has helped me tremendously. I still cry sometimes but I don't suffer from the endless sadness that can be so debilitating. Hopefully the increase the doctor prescribed will help. I know being with your Mom will help! Much love to you. Patty

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• By FavoriteAunt
• Posted November 25, 2008 at 6:51 am
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Dear Kay,
Right about now you should be getting a much needed hug from your mum and she will comfort her weepy daughter. My guess is this visit will give you strength - nothing beats a good dose of love to ease the blues.

You'll be fine and will get through this. You are 1/2 done with your treatments already! I hope you return home with a big smile on your face and a few less tears and warm memories of time spent together with your mum.

All the best,
Jo

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• By Madge
• Posted November 25, 2008 at 5:54 am
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Good for you, Kay!

You'll feel better soon..! Enjoy your visit with your mom...cherish the moments and the "now"! and, enjoy a little pampering, for both of you!

Madge x

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• By gmac
• Posted November 24, 2008 at 5:56 pm
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With the combination of chemo, surgery, changes, worries ... I think a good cry is needed. Others have shared some great advice. Have you found a support group? I was fortunate to find the Wellness Commuity here in Northern California. Not only did they offer support groups, they also had meditation, yoga, chi guong, and nutrition classes. I was able to take advantage of it all. The classes created a social schedule for me. I felt productive and involved. Of course, there were days when it took a great deal of energy to get there but once there I found a group ready to listen, ask questions, offer suggestions, and many times to offer a shoulder.

I am glad you have found time to be with your mother. A cup of tea, a good cry, a hug from Mom can be the best medicine.

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• By sbender3
• Posted November 24, 2008 at 12:23 pm
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CRYING IS GOOD FOR YOUR, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T LET IT CONSUME YOU. IT SAYS IN THE BIBLE, GO TO THE LORD, HUMBLE YOURSELF, TURN YOUR LAUGHTER TO TEARS, AND HE WILL COME TO YOU. I AM STRONG, AT LEAST THAT IS WHAT EVEYRONE BELIEVES, BUT I HAVE MY MOMENTS, WHEN I AM ALONE. AND EVEN SOMETIMES WHEN I AM WITH MY HUSBAND, NO REASON AT ALL, JUST START CRYING. THE HARDEST THING I DEAL WITH RIGHT NOW, IS I CANNOT GET OUT OF MY HEAD THAT I WANT TO BE WITH MY HUSBAND FOREVER, AND WHEN I AM GONE, I DON'T OR CAN;T STAND THE THOUGHT HE MIGHT BE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. HE SAYS HE WILL NEVER REMARRY, I AM IT, BUT I DON;T EVEN WANT HIM TO HAVE A GRILFRIEND. HE HUSED TO TELL ME BEFORE ALL THIS HAPPENED, IF ANYTHING EVER HAPPENED TO HIM, HE WOULD BE WATCHING, AND I WASN;T TO BE WITH ANYONE. WE LOVE EACH OTHER TO THE ENDS OF THE WORLD. THAT IS WHAT IS HARD FOR ME. IS THAT SELFISH, I HOPE NOT, I BELEIVE IT IS THE DEVIL DOING WHAT HE CAN TO MAKE ME SUFFER. SO BE STRONG, WE ALL HAVE OUR DEMONS. GOD'S LOVE, SHERRY

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• By rick1
• Posted November 24, 2008 at 10:50 am
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Kaylouise-
When my Pam had the same first round of chemo and was down about it the first time, she took the approach that the chemicals were just doing their job and were "eating up" all the bad cells. The hair loss was her first real reality of her cancer and it was hard for her. I know many have said how your hair will grow back more lustrous and full than it was originally and I can say that is true. It was soft and wonderful and did grow back steadily. One thing that might , or will yet occur is a loss or partial loss of your eyelashes and a thinning of your eyebrows, but that didn't occur right away, I think it was about the 4th or fifth treatment. One thing that was odd was that her hair on her head started to grow back before the 6 treatments were over.
If I may add something from a guy's point-of-view, the scarves and hats were not all that wonderful all the time, but I understand it was not all about me. We found a wonderful wig shop that Pam went crazy over (name if you ask)- her experience was to get the synthetic wigs that are hand-tied, the cost of which varies from 80 to 150 dollars and were VERY real looking and she was very happy with them, I think she bought 4 of them. She also had the owner sew a ponytail to the sides and back of a baseball-type cap which worked great on hot days. Couldn't tell it was fake. Another reason she liked the syn handtied was that it required no curling or straightening like real hair would, and the real hair was a lot more money without the benefit. She would take a couple in every few weeks and get them cleaned and spruced up for about 25 dollars. You can wash them yourself, no problem. The main drawback with wigs is that they can be hot on your scalp so on really hot So. Calif. days, she wuld wear a hat or scarf then put on a wig in the evening. I can send you pictures of her wearing her wigs in Las Vegas and people thought she looked adorable.
One additional thing - while you are awaiting the test results over the next couple months please Google Dr. Nagourney in Long Beach, CA who is Director of the Todd Cancer Clinic at Long Beach Memorial. He does specialized cell testing with your actual cancer cells to determine which chemo is the most effective against your exact cancer. This will be something you would need to address sooner than later, as it would have been nice for Pam to have her cells analyzed after the carbo/taxol rounds, rather than having the oncologist just go down a list of the "second-level" chemos to pick one from. I will pray that your chemo wipes out those damn cells that are hurting you and that the first round is all you need. Please look into it as soon as you can, as your physical condition is paramount to undergo chemo after chemo. Please check with others on this website to confirm what I am saying, and God bless you and your caregivers.

Rick

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• By dianest
• Posted November 24, 2008 at 10:33 am
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I always use my primary doctor for the depression, anxiety, pain issues. I have found the the oncologists are really only concerned with the cancer, and not very helpful with the other issues. I took antidepressants (Lexapro) through the entire treatment and also had Xanax on hand for anxiety, though the Lexapro once it kicked in took care of most of that also. In the literature, depression is one of the biggest problems of diagnosis. Of course it is. You would have to have the emotions of a bedpost to not be upset by such an unwelcome guest as cancer.
I found yoga, walking, praying, and visual imagery very very helpful as well as the drugs. I took a lot of supplements and ate really well. The visual imagery cds are by Belleruth Naparstek and I highly recommend them. You can order them on the internet. I used them every day, and always took them with me to my chemotherapy treatments. Her voice is so calming and healing. They are used in a lot of the cancer treatment centers and have a proven positive effect.
It is ok to cry, also. It's just when it's all the time, the Prozac can help with that. Best of luck to you, and I wish you good health for many years and a long and wonderful life.

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• By lupirob
• Posted November 24, 2008 at 10:05 am
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Chemicals got you where you are. You will need chemicals to get you out of it. Doesn't matter whether it's Wellbutrin or whatever, just talk with your doc and get on something. This is NOT a "failure of the will." If the first drug doesn't work (it can take a while), find something else.

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• By Kaylouise28xx
• Posted November 24, 2008 at 9:30 am
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Hi Guys,

Ive managed to crawl back on the tinternet today for the first time and thank you all soooo much for your replies, im such a chemosobbie and have been sobbing for days even this morning, ive already been on prozac for a few years since i got divorced but today i went to the docs and hes given me a stronger antidepressant and neuropathy pills for my legs which are driving me insane!!!!

Im off to my moms tomorrow for a few days i think that will stop me from sobbing cos i really need to see her and she lives about 120miles away from me ans has MS so its difficult to see her very often.

Thanks again all you guys, your all amazing people, thanks - Kay xxxx

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• By Dodie1
• Posted November 23, 2008 at 5:25 pm
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I know all about the crying too. My doctor gave me a low-dose Xanax, but I've always been scared to take it.

Hope you feel better soon. Know that we're here for you.

Take care & God Bless

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• By karenelaine
• Posted November 23, 2008 at 1:26 pm
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I persoanally did not have the experience, but my girlfriend did! She's still having a bit of a problem and she's months from treatment. Her doctors say the other med she was on for other medical problems mixing with the chemo has been the problem.

Karen

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• By momanderson920
• Posted November 23, 2008 at 12:14 pm
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I have had crying since chemo was over. Some is due to problems I have had post chemo that no one seems to be able to figure out. Some is because my family has been very insensitive to my anxiety about the cancer coming back when I have had weird unexplainable pain /symptoms post chemo. It is as though I was allowed a quota of time to be sick with the cancer and now they are ready to move on. That in itself has had me depressed. I have had terrible stomach pain the past week and been up at night crying in pain. My husband slept through it and my daughter shut our bedroom door because my crying was keeping her awake. And my oldest daughter isn't speaking to me because I got upset with her for calling me a hypochrondriac. I am disgusted with all of them. I sure can relate to the crying.

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• By artattack59
• Posted November 23, 2008 at 9:25 am
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I was a "Chemosobbie" too (love the expression). I cried going to chemo, during chemo, during hydration, on the way home, through out the night, in the shower, every time I put the wig on...I cried until I just stopped crying. I'm one year into remission and I don't cry anymore!!! I'm actually living a very content life . I have always gone through unpleasant change kicking and screaming. It took all those tears for me to accept my new life and move on. I agree with the other ladies that antidepression medication takes the edge off. It helps to think clearer. Also ladies we have to remember that many of us went through surgical menapause at the same time. That in it's self is a tear jerker!!!! So be patient with yourself. You will feel happy agian.

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• By Madge
• Posted November 23, 2008 at 5:05 am
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1. Hormones, darling...

2. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Anti-depressants can help you get on top of this..and help stop the hot flushes. Don't be tuff and try to work through it. You and your body have just been to hell and back. You can get some relief for both you and your body...seriously to help you both cope..and don't leave it too late..or you'll waste "today".

Take each day as it comes. Live in the "now"..yesterday is gone, tomorrow will never get here...so...try to enjoy every little thing S L O W L Y..TODAY!

3. The nose stuff...you might be losing your hair, which includes your nasal hairs..so, there isn't a filter for your poor old nose..so, it's picking up stuff in the atmosphere, which makes it run out. Sounds funny, but it's true.

Stay strong...you will receive lots of gifts...in this rotten new normal. Promise... just look out for them, for they'll be there.

Thinking of you and wishing you all the best. x

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• By verlinda
• Posted November 23, 2008 at 2:37 am
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You've gotten great advice. My pharmacist friend said the nickname for steroids is "mean pills." I struggled more with anger than with tears, but I was already on antidepressants. I went off them a couple of months ago--a year after my last chemo--and have much more energy. On the downside, I don't sleep as well.

I would definitely ask for an antidepressant. All the poisons in our chemo and all the drugs they give us to keep us from dying from these poisons wreak havoc on our bodies.

Also, everyone at my oncology office seemed to downplay this, but you have to grieve having cancer. Yes, we survive. Yes, we become even stronger, but the process hurts in every sense! You will get through this!

I love the chemosobbie nickname--definitely a keeper.

Come here and vent any time. We're all in this together.

You're in my prayers.

Blessings,
Verlinda

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• By kolson
• Posted November 22, 2008 at 8:50 pm
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Dear Kay,

I am praying for you. I have now had 4 treatments and 2 to go. I started taking Lexapro after my first treatment. I had an ego thing about it and i really did not want to go there, but I was crying ALL the time just like you. I feel so much better now, I still cry from time to time, but I can pull myself out of it in a few minutes vs crying all day long for days like you are now. I've also been told the Lexapro will help with the hot flashes. I guess you were put in to surgical menopause like me. Stay strong friend. What part of the world do you live in?

My very best,
Kris Olson

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• By maemay
• Posted November 22, 2008 at 8:21 pm
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I HAVE CRIED SO MUCH MY BEST FRIEND CALLS ME CHEMOSOBBIE! I SAY GO FOR THE ANTIDEPRESSENTS. I DONT KNOW HOW ANYONE CAN MAKE IT THROUGH THIS JOURNEY WITHOUT DAILY BIBLE READING,LOTS OF PRAYER, AND GOOD OLD PROZAC!!!

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• By Kellyr1
• Posted November 22, 2008 at 7:51 pm
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Count me in as a cryer also. Mine started with cycke three with on & off days for a week and then next cycle I cried for 10 days. I wnet on an antidepressant and that helped me out. My husband called the dr for me and they sais it was not unusual they also had one other person going through the same situation. she suggested meditation, yoga but I went to my regulart pcp and he went with the antidepreesant. Best wishes to you.

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• By Eileen1941
• Posted November 22, 2008 at 8:27 am
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Hi KayLouise,

I have to admit that I am a member of the crying group also. I think I have shed enough tears to float an armada of ships. So don't feel bad about adding your tears to the pool! But as the other gals have mentioned between the combination of the stress of a major illness and the effects of the steriods needed as premeds and post chemo meds to control reactions, there are a lot of reasons for the tears to flow. And it does help to have either an antidepressant or antianxiety medication available. My doctor insisted that I have a prescription for Ativan, which I tried to talk her out of at first. But now I am really glad that I didn't succeed on that. I don't take much of it but on the days when the tears just won't stop it really does help. Steroid intake does have a strong effect on personality and that can really be a problem. But they are so necessary in preventing the potential serious side effects of the chemo. So we are really caught between a rock and a hard place. We just have to find ways to manage it so do use anything available that will help.
Please keep us up to date on how you are doing and I hope you are finding some things that will bring a smile to you now!! Eileen

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• By annabelly
• Posted November 21, 2008 at 3:06 pm
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I've been crying all over the place! It was definitely connected to my 2 chemo weeks, and my 3rd week I felt a lot more positive and did a lot less crying. After each crying jag I felt better, like something had been lifted from me. Now I have only 2 more infusions, and the depression has gotten a bit worse, but I'm inclined to just stick it out since I'm so close to the end!

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