Being Normal

• By Cookielin
• Reply 3399338
• September 23, 2012 at 12:15 pm
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Bana, you have been through a really tough time. Cancer/chemo/surgeries/iliostomy and now depression. Who wouldn,t feel depressed? You have every right. BUT perhaps an anti depressant might be called for.Your attitude is so important in order to heal and maybe it is just too much right now. Make sure ( as we have mentioned this on other discussions) to cut the pills in half or crush. ( you can check with your pharmacist on this) since many ilieostomates do not absorb their meds. It sounds as though you are working which is amazing altogether after all you have been through. It is so hard for people who have not been through what you have to really understand what you are going through. Putting on a smile for everyone (no one wants to be a debbie downer) BUT, you sound as though youa re feeling very alone right now. If nothing else, continue to write to us here and share your fears and anger so you do not bottle it all up. Try to find a support group where you live. They usually post this online info and meetings are at or near hospitals. They have cancer groups, and ilieostomy groups where you can meet peole in your area going through the same as you.Try to keep your energy up by eating small amounts of healthy protein. Use Ecodrink which someone mentioned too on a discussion as a liquid vitamin source. And please think about the anti depressant. Gatorade, lots of water. Maybe ensure if oyu dont feel like eating, Let us know how you are.

• By Kristin66
• Reply 3399373
• September 23, 2012 at 12:31 pm
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Bana,
First I would like to tell you that you are not alone. These Ostomates are great especially for people like me.
Last October I had yet another blockage and have another iliostomy. I have had multiple surgeries and after several months always had the reversed. In October of last year I had another episode. My surgeon made the stoma so that it could be reversed. My stoma goes in and out so that is normal.
I have suffered from depression since I was 20 63 now). I had a repair done in March. This past May we moved back to our home town after being away for 25 years. I went into a major depression, due to several things, to the point I of thinking about suicide. Like you I can't see myself living like this for the rest of my life.
For months I have been dealing with mini blockages, watery stool, pain, leakage, having leakage when out in public, always having to scope out bathrooms when out.
I had an adjustment of my depressions meds and right now I feel great. Depression is extremely debilitating which impacts how we function. Once you get a handle on that you will see how you are able to function much better. You will eat normal, and your life will come back.
As for food, I try everything and see how it works. I am a picky eater so what little foods I do like I try them and if I have a bad reaction I will not eat that item again. You need to chew your food.

• By alan41241
• Reply 3399532
• September 23, 2012 at 1:36 pm
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Bana, I think you need to talk to either an ostomy nurse or your surgeon or get a second opinion. What you are experiencing is not right and you need to get to the bottom of it. That has to be with professional help. Maybe if you allowed your feelings to show at least some time you might not feel so alone. It seems to me that you either share or go nuts. Now which one of those choices sounds better?
Keep us posted, please.
Blessings,
Alan

• By pattygail
• Reply 3399535
• September 23, 2012 at 1:37 pm
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i know exactly how you feel. venting on this site helps. i dont think i will ever come to terms with this but i can hope. i had 5 major surgeries in 3 months and didnt think i would make it , but here i am. this is life changing. i dont think there is no going back to normal just have to make the best of what it is. depression is my enemy. cant take a lot of depression drugs so i have to keep trying to cope on my own. good luck and keep on plugging and stay in touch.

• By dollyme (Inactive)
• Reply 3399602
• September 23, 2012 at 1:59 pm
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Bana, i must tell you that you can vent and cry all you want hon. My heart is breaking for you so bad I wish I could take the suffering off of you. I pledge to you that I will lift you up in prayer till you have total victory over this sickness. I know you have a small army of folks here praying for you plus all the people in your life. Prayer is the way we can defeat this and you will overcome and be well again in Jesus holy name. I ask God to send angels to protect you and I ask God to let the Holy Spirit comfort you with his peace. Lord stop the growth of this cancer. We cry out to you to bless Bana with total healing. You sent your word and you healed her with your word. By the stripes of Jesus she is healed. She shall not die but she will live to declare the works of the Lord. Jesus you came to give life to her. These prayers are gong into the holy of holies. You are our king and our God we touch your heart with our prayers for Bana. You will not ignore the cries of your people. Let her doctors have wisdom anoint their minds and their hands to do the best job to get her back to health. I love her to you I bath her is prayer and we wait with faith in Jesus she has victory over this mountain of sickness. Thank you Lord Amen
God bless you and keep you Bana
Dolly

• By Bana57
• Reply 3399878
• September 23, 2012 at 4:00 pm
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Thanks everyone, I am on antidepressants but I probably need something different. Today was just a really hard day for me and when I see my oncologists on Tuesday will talk to him about a different medicene. I really do have fantastic doctors and I really need to quit holding in everything and let my feelings show, but with all my family so far away and my elderly parents I try and keep them thinking that everything is OK. Every once in awhile it all comes out and really appreciate that this is a place where I can vent and express my true feelings and everyone has been thru something similiar. There is a support group in town here went to one meeting and did not feel welcomed. They promised me in Jan (when I had my protectomy) that they would keep in touch never heard from them yet, so I do not feel that they are really there for anyone. But everyone on this site does make me feel loved and blessed and just in a rut today. God Bless and will keep everyone posted. Love and blessings to all.

• By alan41241
• Reply 3399905
• September 23, 2012 at 4:17 pm
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Bama,
I know what you mean about your local group. Mine was the same. I went one time and felt like an outsider. Nobody offered to meet me or make me feel welcome. I never went back. Have no intention of going back. I get all I need right here with the fabulous people on this site.
I hope you will ask your doctor about a different medication if the one you're on is not working for you. I'm on Zoloft and it seems to be working fine for me.
Blessings,
Alan

• By Mare5785
• Reply 3401612
• September 24, 2012 at 10:25 am
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Morning Bana...
I pray that today finds you in a bit of a better space than yesterday. I know exactly where you are coming from, as I to, at 55 am very independant and always have been. It's difficult for us to ask for help or let others know we are hurting. Just in the past year, I am beginning to allow myself to share some of my feelings that I shut off from others. It was extremely hard at first.. but after the first time and the next.. with each one, it became a little bit easier. The wonderful thing I found.. was that afterwards, I felt a lightness in spirit and body. We are here for each other, not to walk our life within our own space.
My friends will thank me afterwards for sharing and tell me that it's an honor that I chose them to share my fears, hurts, pains...etc..
There is nothing like a hug from a friend or family member that feels so warm, caring and healing. It's just another layer of something you have to deal with, if you hide your pain and emotions... on top of all the health issues. Trust me.. I KNOW!! lol.. Try to let your gurad down..just a little... so much energy it takes to keep it up there!

This site is amazing and has truly wonderful people here... wanting to reach out and help another soul who is suffering or hurting, knowing we were there too at one time.. or might still be. Thankful you found this space, where we can all be open and honest, knowing the care, love and support is unconditional.

I pray that your doctor can give you a different med, or adjust your dosage so that you can get back on the road to healing both physically and emotionally. You have been dealt some pretty tough challenges... it's ok to take the help, whereever it comes from. Depression can "zap the life right out of you"...literally. Praying that once that is a bit better, that your energy and zest will return.

You are in my prayers. Living alone, as I do, also.. we really need to keep in touch with our friends and family who are out there...
Bless you..
Mare

• By julieandjerry
• Reply 3403818
• September 25, 2012 at 2:09 am
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Hello Bana,

You are not alone. We are here to share the hard times and to rejoice in the good that WILL come with time. We will hold out hope for you when it is hard to carry that hope for yourself.

Thank you for sharing. I know it can take courage and energy to do that when you are feeling so low...

Prayers,
Julie