a year no sex

Matthew72
  • By Matthew72 · October 11, 2012 at 7:39 pm · 58 replies
  • In Dating, relationships and sexuality
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I had my surgery a year ago on the 24th and have not been able to get it up since was 39 surgery day 40 now, never had problems before. It get sort of hardish. But nothing effective. It actually feels like it disappeared right after the surgery it almost went away it got so small. When I expressed my concerns to my surgeon he said it will heal... Use viagra. How long will this take to heal will my penis ever be normal again? I never imagined it would be like this. Also dry ejaculation will that ever improve too?

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58 replies    Reply

Ductman

I am sorry to hear this. I had UC and had my colon removed. I still have UC in the rectal stump that was left. I will be getting another surgery in Dec. to get tthe rest removed. My surgeon says there is a possiblity of damage to the nerves that control sexual functions when they remove the rectum stump and anus because of the area they are in. I am very worried about the loss of erection because of surgery. I hope your situation is temperary and you get it back. All I know is that I need the surgery to get well again. I will have to deal with any circumstances that come about after surgery. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

Idahoeagle

Matthew72,
I feel your concerns and maybe I can explain a little bit about this problem.
I am a year and 8 months out from surgery. One year more than that out from
Chemo and radiation.
I started having problems right after chemo and radiation. I was beginning to get functional about 8 months out from the chemo.
Then I had my colostomy surgery and I have not been able to get fully erect since. I've been told it may never get that way again,
but I refuse to give in to that. The more I work out, especially the legs, the more strength I get down there. I think there is a connection
to being physically active and regaining your ability to get a firmer erection.
Sorry girls, Man talk. LOL.
When it comes to the dry ejaculation, I don't think we will get back to where we we were. I haven't yet.
The trauma that the nerves and muscles have endured probably took a toll on that.
I don't expect to ever be back to where I used to be, and that upsets me.
However, we are alive and able to perform somewhat. There are ways to stimulate the firmness, with viagra and such.
Talk with your doctor about the ways to stimulate your penis. My brother had to do the shots for a while after prostate surgery,
but he's getting back to normal. I'm hoping the same outcome in due time as well.
I've been noticing improvement so maybe there is hope.
Don't give up trying. Be patient.
Hope this helps.
Michael

HappyS (Inactive)
  • By HappyS (Inactive)
  • Reply 3451959
  • October 12, 2012 at 4:39 am
  • Report post

As Mathew says this is because the nerves are all in the area they have to cut out. I saw my surgeon the other day and asked about this and he said "Practice makes perfect" according to him if you don't use it you lose it. Apparently Viagra can have side effects in terms of the heart? Vacuum pumps do work and apparently there are penal implants too. I agree about the exercise and would add that Kegel exercises check out http://voices.yahoo.com/kegel-exercises-men-improve-male-orgasm-55620.html

MarkNelson

I'm in the same boat. Had colon cancer surgery June 13, 11. I couldn't pee for 8 months and was told I would always have to cath myself. Fooled them because I am peeing. So I'm going to believe my little "wee wee" will be active again :-)

herbsgal70

I know this is a male problem site, but thought I would put my two cents in. I am 80 and my husband is almost 78, and has had your problems after taking blood pressure medication. May I point out that there are other ways of pleasuring each other? I know some of the ladies/significant others may find it distasteful (pardon the pun) but I have no problem making my husband happy. We may be old, but we are not dead yet! LOL

Hugs from Marge

Mare5785

lol.... I know this has been a "man talk"... but can't help smile when I read your posts... Think of women when we go through MENOPAUSE... and many times we are told.. ."Mind over matter....."! I love your comment Mark... that you FOOLED them...you are STILL BELIEVING that your little "wee wee" will once again stand up an be active!! Go Bro!! Spunk and determination...
I believe in holistic healing and many other forms.. but bottom line is.. our minds are a wonderful thing.. and we do not use them to our full potential.. as well as God.. ."give thanks and believe it, as it is so.."

Ductman..I'm sorry to hear that you will have to go in and have the rectal stump removed... You are in my thoughts and prayers for a speedy recovery..and a successful surgery without complications or negative circumstances afterwards!!!

The "dry ejactulation"... that's a new term I had never heard of before.. Guess men don't often share that with women! Never really thought about it.. but it seems as if men are not all that different from women with their vaginal dryness as we age...

My best friend's husband is beginning his second round with prostate cancer... and I know the seriousness to it... but in it all.. we have found some light moments and he even finds himself teasing about his "man boobs"... and what he'll do with his high octive voice.

I read the posts a day or so ago, talking about injections... oh my.. I can't even imagine that!!

My thoughts and prayers are with each of you!
Mare

Mare5785

LOVE it Marge!! I knew you would post as well!!! : ) I so love your zest for life!

alan41241

So glad to read that I'm not alone in my struggles. Of course, I'm alone and there is nobody to have sex with so I guess it doesn't matter all that much. I lost my ability for an erection after prostate cancer. I didn't have surgery. I had radio active seeds implanted in the prostate. They ate the cancer and the prostate. The prostate is what creates the seman so without it there is very little. There are some glans around the prostate that also create seman and that's all I have left. A dry ejaculation is as good as a wet one since the body goes through all the actions with or without. It's still feels good.
As far as impotence is concerned, it will never change. My urologist told me that whatever capacity I had would be deminished. Unfortunately, he was right. At 71 I don't even care anymore one way or the other. Sex, or the thought of it, doesn't excite me like it once did. I guess since I'm alone it's just as well.
Blessings,
Alan

Idahoeagle

I had an idea that this would spark a lot of interest, because we are all human, and to lose something as prcious as the ability to display love and affection is devastating to the average person who has a loving partner and wants to please them and yourself.
Plus, we put a lot of emphasis on that and that's ok. I Do.!!
Some of this just happens with the older we get. However, Ours is brought on by the trauma of the surgery and chemo.
Exercising the groin area can help, I've found out. Plus the little blue pills, and whatever other color they come in.
There is a therapy out there called Muse. It is a penile insertion product that you insert into the urethra of the penis. It is the same medication as the little blue pill, but you insert it into the penis and let it melt into the muscles of the penis. I tried that but it burns a little bit and you have to get over the burning sensation.
My brother did the shots and he said it wasn't that bad once you get over the idea of giving yourself a shot there.
All of this is well fine and good, but it makes sex a planned ordeal and not the spontaneous thing it used to be.
"AH. Sorry dear while I take time out to get ready for you,," UGH!!!!
Marge, you put that so well. You are so right. I have noticed that the intimacy of just holding and caring about one another is so much part of the act. Moreso now than it ever use to be. Does that mean we are getting older, LOL!!!!
Alan, don't give up just yet. There may be someone out there for you.!!!
Mark, let's keep on proving them wrong...
Mare, so glad you chimed in here too. I think men go through a certain type of menopause as well. I was beginning to go through it just before my cancer ordeal This just made it WORSE..!!!
Oh Well, GOD has a reason for all this. GIVE ME/US THE STRENGTH TO ENDURE, PLEASE...
I talked with someone who has the penile implant, and he and his wife enjoy a happy sex life. He's my age, 57, and had his surgery due to cancer at age 30. He has gone on to live his life with his family of I believe, 2 boys. He's a grandfather now.
So, I guess we just have to be patient. Work with what we got.
My old standby saying "KEEP ON KEEPING ON", CHASE, stole that from me. LOL!!!
My thoughts and prayers are with you Ductman, and I hope you don't experience to much trauma there. Just get through the surgery. Then you can go from there.
Prayers and hugs to you all.
Michael

HappyS (Inactive)
  • By HappyS (Inactive)
  • Reply 3452444
  • October 12, 2012 at 9:56 am
  • Report post

Marge, it's always a pleasure to read your posts. Incidentally, leaping on your bandwagon for a moment, dry ejaculations have the positive benefit of being taste free!

Idahoeagle

Happy, You are so right. !!! Thanks for the reminder of the Kegel's, and the site. I think the loss of the sphincter muscle has a lot to do with the loss of muscle control for the penis. That and all the nerve damage.

alan41241
  • By alan41241
  • Reply 3452582 · In reply to 3452444 by HappyS
  • October 12, 2012 at 10:48 am
  • Report post

And no mess!!!!!
Blessings,
Alan

alan41241

I think it's refreshing that we males can have this kind of conversation. So many times we are so involved with penis envy that we don't dare speak of some sexual problem for fear we will be thought of as less a man. How foolish! When we open up, we realize that, once again, we are not alone.
As for as male menopause, yes, we do go through it. I know most doctors will tell you that there isn't such a thing but I am reminded of when I was married my wife had a real problem with cramps the day before her period. Her doctor told her it was all in her mind. Now, 40 years later, there is medication for such a thing. Doctors do not know everything. They just think they do.
Blessings,
Alan

herbsgal70

My husband and I kiss and hug several times a day - after almost 10 years of marriage - never go to sleep without saying "I love you", and fall asleep holding hands. We have never had a cross word or argument about anything - we are adults with the right to our own opinions and a respect for the other's point of view. Would that all politicians, governments, countries, etc. have the same respect - without the kissing and hugging, of course! LOL

And I still have hugs left over for all of you! - Marge

Matthew72

thanks for all you replies. I really hope this improves with time. I'm a heavy duty mechanic and in pretty good shape so I hope that helps. I realize we can pleasure in other ways ans we do lol. I Just really miss the intimacy and normalcy of intercourse not being able is constant reminder of everything that cancer stole from us.My wife is upset about the dry ejaculation was that we still want at least 2 more children, I froze mt sperm before hand but we are praying for a miracle, that it could happen the natural way. being that were so young it makes us sad to think of being this way forever. but have a prescription for viagra will try it again... last time I got a small one a day later. and ordered some supplements

alan41241

Unfortunately, Viagra doesn't work for everybody. It did not work for me. And the expense!!!! About $15 a pill!!
Perhaps they have come down in price but that's what I paid. And insurance won't cover it.
Blessings,
Alan

herbsgal70

You all remind me of the old man that went to the doctor and asked for half a Viagra pill because he didn't want an erection, he just wanted to stop peeing on his shoes! LOL

Hugs to all!

herbsgal70

Matthew - I was almost 80 when I had my life-saving ileostomy surgery last December. I can't imagine what I would have done had this when I was child-bearing age. I pray that you and your wife will be able to have your 2 more children - I had 5 pregnancies in the 50s - all C-sections - the extesive scar tissue, coupled with diverticulitis, contributed to my perforated colon. I now have 3 living children, 3 step-sons from my marriage 10 years ago, 7 grandchildren and 6 great-grandchildren between us. Do you have only the one child now! And what sex and age? My son - who decided he was gay at 35 - had already fathered a child and has two grandchildren now - is also a mechanic who works on bulldozers, road graders, etc. I probably have the only gay, alcoholic, redneck son in captivity - and a "daughter-in-law named Lennie! LOL

Love and hugs from Marge

MarkNelson

Well, after reading all of these posts I'm bringing out my Viagra and the Kegel excercises. When my little "wee wee" springs up I will reply with a Yahooooo!!!!!

Matthew72

I'm going to take mine every day till it works

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