Everything is just so crazy these days. I have to worry about school and my health. It's so hard because I stress out. I haven't been in the hospital for about a month now. That is always a good thing. I have some guys who like me but, I am always scared to get close to a guy because of the things I have to go through. With TPN, medications, and all the hospitalizations, I just never know if the person to deal with it as well. For now, I just choose to stay single. Anyways, I just turned 19 years old and I don't feel any different except for the fact that I still have this illness that I still barely accept. I just hate it all the time. I feel like I am in a prison and I can escape it at all. I can never end the nightmare that I am in. It just sucks. I'm just so tired of all of this. Sometimes, I wish I would wake up in the morning and I would be normal again. Most of the time, when I vent like this, I write it in poems. I am in a dark place with all of this but, I am very good at hiding the sadness inside. I pretend everything is ok when it isn't. My world is upside down and I just see it as never ending. I will never except this. I will always be angry and upset and I will just hide it like I always do.