Working in the real world while dealing with a chronic condition...

• By Sanford
• Posted July 15, 2008 at 4:02 am
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I have always told all of my business about my health to my co-workers, because I'd rather they hear it from me, and because that's my style. I have AIDS, a gastric tube, a jejunal tube, and neuropathy in my legs and hands. It's really hard to miss the tubes. However, I work in a job (substance abuse counseling) where most of us (not just the clients) have overcome some sort of obstacle. I took two 10-week sick leaves in 2005 and 2006, and some people thought it was restful for me and were shocked when I didn't bounce right back into a full load. Most people were extremely supportive. I recently started a new job at a different agency and was upfront with my supervisor in the interview. I personally feel that the only person who has to know is the supervisor, but everyone else is on a need-to-know basis. I share because I want to and need the support, but I certainly don't have to.

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• By Maloreigh
• Posted July 15, 2008 at 9:47 am
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First of all. Your co-worker's comment was ABSOLUTELY unnecessary, uncalled for and disrespectful. How did you deal with it? Did you say "Yea, I love going home to get hooked up to an IV, it's a total total honeymoon!" or something, cause I totally would've left her in the dust.....but anyway. Next time somebody says something I would politely explain you're leaving (not that it's any of their business....grrrr) and possibly pass the comment on to your supervisor.

As far as disclosure goes, it's definitely a slippery slope, but like Sanford, I'm a firm believer of "give them the facts before they make up your own."
Explain to them what your needs will be in terms of being able to get your best work done. Can you work from home or anything when you need to take some time off. If they see that you are serious about your work, they will more than likely support you when you need it. Communication and honesty is key.

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• By dreamlady1931
• Posted July 15, 2008 at 1:41 pm
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Consult the Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA)

Your health condition gives you specific coverage and your employer should be aware of them. I think you have to decide on who and how much to tell: it sounds like you made some good choices in who you chose to confide in.

Google ADA for additional info. When the ADA was first enacted, my employer told me that they didn't need to accommodate me (my depression) because it was only for people in wheelchairs. My attorney made sure they didn't get by with that! And the world of work is more aware.

And, keep up your great work--sounds like you have employers that value you
Mary

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• By sing2u
• Posted July 15, 2008 at 4:25 pm
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I didn't really say much when she made that comment to me...I didn't feel I had to explain myself to her, but of course I'm now bothered by what she did say!

I think I'm going to talk to my supervisor tomorrow about it, and what has been going through my mind. I just sometimes feel like I would be burdening them or something...I don't know why, but I've always been paranoid with feeling that way with everyone at times. I think lately, ever since I went back to school and dropped down to PT, I've just been a little frustrated. And it seems like everyone and everything has been annoying me lately haha! It's just been one of those weeks...

But thank you, all, for the advice!

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• By Sanford
• Posted July 16, 2008 at 9:20 am
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In my experience, it is quite common and "normal" to project onto others our assumption of what they're thinking or feeling. We assume people are going to treat us a certain way, and then look for evidence to support our thinking, even if we're misinterpreting the facts. I think talking to your supervisor is a good idea. And I agree with googling the ADA. I know that the phrase "reasonable accommodations" is in there, meaning that your job would have to work with you to make your environment comfortable for you. I work on the 6th floor, the staff bathrooms are on 5. There's a bathroom 3 doors down from my office, which I've been told I can't use, but when they say that, I wave my tubes at them and say"reasonable accom." I haven't heard anything about it since then.

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• By Frantik
• Posted July 16, 2008 at 8:44 pm
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Hi there:

I think this is a very hard question & one that I have struggled with also. I have been working now for about 13 years. I have tried different approaches, but the one I have been most comfortable with is that my health is basically my business. Things are on a "need to know" basis. If you are having to take long periods of time off, and having surgeries, it's going to be very difficult to keep things to yourself. However, it's still up to you how much you tell them. If you trust them and care about them, you may want to share quite a bit. But that's something to think long and hard about. ADA or no ADA, people can and do discriminate. I just figure that if I'm doing my job and not having to ask for special considerations (like shifting schedules, taking long periods of time off, or other accommodations) then I have every right to keep my health issues to myself. Even if I do have to ask for things, I don't necessarily have to tell them everything.

I have been in my job since 2000 and did not have to miss a considerable amount of work and got excellent reviews. I have also gotten close to my boss and coworkers. In 2005 I got very ill and spent 5+ months in the hospital. I was close to death and everyone I worked with got the story. It came as a surprise to them all that I had been dealing with. It's only been since then, though, that I had to get a permanent line and get on TPN. My workplace has been nothing but supportive. They held my job for a full year while I was out on medical leave and now allow me to work part time (4 days/week). I still get excellent reviews, and even with all I have going on, I maintain a positive balance of sick and vacation time, so I don't miss a ridiculous amount of work. Some people think I work too much - but it's my choice. If I can work, I will. I think those of us with chronic illness work very hard at this kind of thing, hopefully though finding a balance where we don't work ourselves into the ground. I hear you loud and clear when you say you are a good worker. I don't doubt it and I'm sure your boss and coworkers would say the same about you.

At any rate, I'm babbling a lot to say that overall, I think it's worth keeping as much of this as you can to yourself. To my mind, work is not a place to air your personal issues, nor is it necessarily a place to make best friends. Even though I say this, I have made many good friends over the years at this job and other ones, but I am more guarded than most and take much longer to get to know and trust people. Honestly, most of my friends are people I got to know in college and have hung on to over the years. Others I have met outside of work. It's not to say that you can't have "work friends," but it might be easier to maintain a bit of distance. Of course, this is very much a personal decision and I know others here like Sanford approach things very differently. There is no right or wrong answer. If you're like me, you might take a few different approaches until you find out what's right for you. And a lot will depend on what your boss is like. He or she will likely set the tone in the office. At this very same job, when I had a different boss, if she had been here in 2005 I am 100% sure my job would not have been waiting for me a year later. She would have not had the compassion or patience.

I also will play devil's advocate and say you might want to give some thought about your decision to go to your boss about your coworkers hugely inappropriate and insensitive comment. I guess you've probably already done it by now and if so, I hope it went really well. But I think that most supervisors like least being put in a position to get in the middle of interpersonal stuff. Your boss and your coworker might have greater respect for you if you can confront your coworker in a way that is constructive and educational for her. Of course, it was ignorant, but maybe it's a good opportunity to educate her. You know your coworker and boss better than I do, though. But it will probably not be the first time you encounter someone at work who is stupid and ignorant and possibly even malicious. I just heard a story today from a friend who was on Prednisone after having a bone marrow transplant for cancer treatment, and she had a coworker who would walk by her office and say "Moooo" because she was so bloated from the meds. People are lame. And maybe incorrigible. Bringing your boss in may be just the thing, but sometimes taking it on yourself is the best approach.

Best,
Fran

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• By KTennyson
• Posted September 1, 2009 at 1:50 pm
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I know that this is an old message, but I just saw it. I am going through the same things right now. I have been out several times with my health. Everytime I have to go out, or even leave early, people start talking. The bad thing is that I know my manager talks about behind my back too. I don't choose to be sick all of the time. I just try to make the best of it.

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• By Woeful
• Posted September 1, 2009 at 3:28 pm
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I was always up front about my Crohn's (kind of had to be, since some days I'd go to the bathroom 20 or so times), in fact, I probably gave way TMI. But I wanted to make sure people knew if I had an off day, or was off for weeks at a time, it wasn't because I was slacking off on the job. (Plus, I knew I had the ADA to fall back on if anyone ever tried to give me grief.) I was lucky too in that I worked in medical publishing, so my colleagues were more knowledgeable than people in other fields about what illnesses can befell people and I was blessed in that since all my authors were practicing/teaching physicians or heads of departments, they were completely sympathetic (not to mention good sources of free information).

From my understanding, I don't think by law you have to disclose any illnesses when you interview for a job (to a certain extent; for instance, if you apply for construction work but have a slipped disc, that kind of information might have to be disclosed beforehand), and thanks to ADA, all companies with at least X amount of employees have to make "reasonable accommodations" for you to do your job (in my case, that meant I got to work from home twice a week every week) and as long as it doesn't affect the company in a serious financial way, they can't discriminate against you. As for a boss talking about you/your health behind your back, I wonder if HIPAA applies to that (that is, privacy laws). If so, then it's possible your boss is in violation of federal law? If you're concerned about it, maybe you should talk to someone in your H.R. department about it?

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