New Baby

Well. I haven't written anything until today in the journal as many days I find it difficult to breath even. Daniel is growing so fast that I already miss him being so young and yet enjoy his growth into a beautiful young boy. He will be 2 in just a few short months. This last year for us has been one of the most difficult years of my life. From Daniel being diagnosed with NF1 to a new baby due any day. The new baby was a decision that was difficult to make on many accounts. I knew I wanted another baby close in age to Daniel from the start (my 1st two are 20 months apart and then a 5 yr space between them and Daniel) and then the whole NF1 hit. I knew right off that something was not right with him...he was covered in brown spots appearing daily, had stomach issues and spent a lot of time screaming for reasons we didn't understand. When he was finally diagnosed we felt a small sense of relief that we could contribute his difficulties to something and yet an overwhelming sense of guilt and frustration at the "what if's" filling our minds. When Daniel turned 1 yr we made that difficult to decision to have another child as planned and I became pregnant right away. We decided to bank this babies cord blood in the event Daniel may be able to use it in the future...you never know what science holds for us. However, this pregnancy has been filled with hopes and doubts and guilt I never imagined. What if he is like Daniel? What if there is something more serious? Am I taking away precious time from Daniel? Is it the right thing? Most of it is probably these crazy emotional ups and downs that come with pregnancy especially now that this baby will be here any day. I thank God everyday for what I have been given and would never take any of it back but I can't help the nerves that followed the hectic birth of Daniel only a year and a half ago. I am so excited and so nervous all at the same time.

Okay, enough ranting for now. I just needed to get things off my chest so they don't weigh so heavy on the birth of this new miracle. Thank you for all the support you guys have given me over the last year. I would be in shambles without you and feel strong knowing we share the same concerns and difficulties in life as others. We are NEVER alone.

Dana