My poor mom

• By windblown
• Posted June 19, 2008 at 11:47 pm
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Hi suzsezok: This is a tough question. I know how it feels to have someone wait on you which is a horrible position to be in if you've always been independent.

Since she's had these frax and still is bent over even after vertebroplasty, did the Drs say why the surgery didn't help the kyphosis (curved upper spine)? Maybe the procedure didn't work as it may have for some people. I would ask her Dr why she still has the curved posture.

I don't think you are wrong, limiting her activities, but take it from someone who knows, she needs to feel productive, but by doing something simple that won't hurt her further. Is there anything she could do that's safe, but would give her a feeling of accomplishment? This is so important when you get to the point of being a shut in or partial shut in.

Only you can come up with things that would lift her spirit by helping you and at the same time not hurting her any further. If you think about it I'm sure you can come up with something. If you need any ideas for things she could do, just ask I've been through this for 30 years off and on, and have plenty of ideas. But most importantly you are the only one that knows what she can or can't do, so try to find something for her so she feels like a productive individual. The simpliest of things can give someone this feeling that don't require and physical strain.

Your a great daughter, pat yourself on the back you desire it !!!!

Good Luck and let me know if you need any non risky tasks that she could do.

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• By suzsezok
• Posted June 20, 2008 at 12:12 am
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I am willing to take any non risky tasks you can pull out of your hat lol.

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• By JanetS1
• Posted June 20, 2008 at 12:33 pm
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Let your Mom do what she can. I am 58 years old with 4 fractures and I'm in pain 24/7. My Mom is 82 and has to come over to help me! My tears are not from the pain, just not being useful. I keep the family together and I've always been the strong one, but now I know my limits. When I do something that really hurts, I don't do it again. I just let it go. But I can't stand not doing the things I know need done. My family are great with me, but I don't want them to make me feel that I'm not able any more. My Dad died at 86 in his sleep after gardening. He was doing what he wanted to do even in pain. When my time comes, I want to go the same way. It embarrasses me that everyone wants to pull the weeds, clean my house, or grocery shop for me. I'm going to drag myself on for as long I as can. This is my life, God gave it to me and I will fight to make it better. When you lay around in pain, you loose the will to live. Let your Mom fight, it comes from the heart.

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• By suzsezok
• Posted June 20, 2008 at 1:42 pm
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Thank you for your advice. We live in Oklahoma and there is plenty of gardening to do here. My mother also wishes she could get out there and pull weeds and see to her vegetables. I try my best to do it. This morning she was taking ahold of her walker and she fell again. Hurt her shoulder and chest. Xrays didnt show anything broken, but she is in a lot of pain.

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• By SaraMeeks
• Posted June 22, 2008 at 11:03 am
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This is a most heart-rending conversation. Having worked in the field of osteoporosis management and also been a therapist in Home Care for many years, I have seen many similar situations.
It's so hard to know where to draw the lines--between doing too much or too little, between helping and letting someone help themselves--I have seen very, very few people in my time who I could say don't mind being dependent upon someone else for help. Most of us want to keep our independence as long as we can.
That being said, I have a couple of other thoughts.
In life, if we help someone else, there must be that someone else who needs our help. By helping others we help ourselves and also, by allowing ourselves to be helped, we give others a chance to do the helping. It's sort of the yin and yang of life, as I see it. I've had the good fortune to never be in a position of need help for long periods of time but I can recall two instances. The first time I needed help I resisted with all my might. That led to a delay in healing and truly getting "better" and back to my normal life. The second time I needed help, I allowed it in when someone offerred. That was a truly different experience. Anyway, we want to give and sometimes we have needs--keeping a balance seems to be a good idea.
I am wondering, Suzsezok, if your mom would be open to seeing a physical therapist for some instruction in simple movements and body mechanics and, perhaps, for a Spinomed brace to help ease her pain and also help her learn less painful and safer ways to do things. If you would like to send me a personal email, sara@sarameekspt.com, I can correspond with you privately and send you a list of qualified people who might be able to help.
Sitting is the worse thing she can do for her back and, although it feels good when doing it, it causes more pain in the long-run.
For everyone's information, a kypho or vertebroplasty is not necessarily going to correct a thoracic kyphosis. It usually relieves pain and allows a person to move better but not always.
Hope this helps and let me know if I can be of any more help.

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• By aida
• Posted June 29, 2008 at 4:35 am
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I am 59 and having hydro therapy for the back pain after t7 and t8 vertebroplasty for fracture due to osteo. Its slow (fractured in March) but am finally finding pain is getting better 0 muscles spasm and that is horrible. I would recommend the hydro.
Aida

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• By suzsezok
• Posted June 29, 2008 at 9:38 am
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I guess I have never heard of hydro therapy, what is it?

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• By MotherGoose
• Posted June 30, 2008 at 9:08 am
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Suzsezok:
Hydrotherapy literally means "water therapy". (One of the physical agents used in physical therapy). It can be a whirlpool or exercising in a regular pool. It can be for an injured hand or for a worn-out body. Aquatic
exercise comes under hydrotherapy.
Yes, it can be great for osteoporosis, BUT, safety getting into and out of a pool is paramount. Water walking in a pool -- water customarily 4 feet deep -- is a fine way to get exercise for the problems of osteoporosis. Obviously, a physical therapist with the special experience of aquatics and osteoporosis would be in charge. This might be too much for your mom, but maybe not.
I wish to add to the discussion re: her need to feel usful --- while she is still with you, take advantage of her knowledge of family members and go over old photos, stories, etc. That should make her realize her standing in the family and how she can help future members sort out exactly who Uncle Ed was married to and how many time Auntie Edna was married. You can sort over old pictures and make notes accordingly. Tell her this is for posterity! Yes, as Sara said, she should not be sitting for extended periods, ut break up the time with a little walk to the john or to look outside at the birds. Probably 1.5 to 2.0 hour sessions with walking interruptions every 20 minutes would work out and perk her up. And she can see the progress you both make in this project of getting things in order. Emphasize that is not so much what she does that is vital, but what she KNOWS!
Weeding in the garden is not a good idea -- all that forward bending is bad for her back. Container gardening is a better idea, but still can bend the body forward (from the hips is OK -- from the waist is NOT OK).
Good Luck!
Lucy Buckley PT aka Mother Goose

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• By windblown
• Posted July 1, 2008 at 8:09 pm
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Hi Suzsezok: I agree with Sara and Lucy wholeheartedly. When my grandmother broke her hip, many years ago, we started a family tree together. She was in a wheelchair an couldn't be active like she used to be and the inactivity was killing her. Once we started the process of writing down all the info on the pictures we had she came out of her depression. Doing this entailed calling some relatives, back East, and that in itself was wonderful. This new venture was also reconnecting her with her family who she only talked to on Holidays. Without her help, I wouldn't have been able to sort through all the photos we had, or all the Bible entries of names I wasn't familiar with.

My grandma is gone, but I cherish the time we spent on this and I know she did to, because it made her very important, she was literally the link to all of the history I wouldn't have been able to sort out. I learned so much from this and am the known bearer of and interesting family story.

I've had 6 spinal frax's that changed my life. I love to garden and continuing this became impossible. I tried really hard, to the point of collapse, to continue doing it, but finally realized that as much as I loved it, I couldn't handle the days in bed I would have to spend after hurting my back, hips and knees from being stubborn and trying to continue this on my own. I'm one who absolutely *can't* ask for help. I don't know why I'm this way but I am. My garden is now in waist high pots that are on wheels, and I also have a gadget I made that will pop a weed out of the ground without ever moving forward from the waist at all. Even though I have this weed puller, I still can't use it very often. It's a great tool, but it still requires arm, shoulder and neck movement I can't handle, so I know what you're going through with your mom. I also have 6 ruptured cervical discs and have little range of motion in my neck, so looking down at those little buggers (weeds) really hurts after a while.

I also have hanging pots that I can water, feed and hand prune, so between the containers (waist high) and my hanging pots (not too high) I still have a garden that I'm active in, and I'm told is incredibly beautiful. I don't have any specific tricks to growing flowers, but I'm constantly ask how I get the best looking flowers in the area. I also have some plants in doors (bonsai's, flower plants) that can be tended from a seated position which I also love. The point to all of this rambling is that eventually you have to accept your limitations as hard as that may be, but not give up in the process. Many things can continue, just as long as you modify them, to the point that it's not hurtful or dangerous to you. If you are constantly doing something that's potentially harmful, it ISN'T a joyous time anymore.

One other thought would be, can your mom do any hand work, like knitting, crochet, needle point etc. I've always wanted to learn those things and plan on doing so, to give me more to do. I have to limit my sitting/walking/standing time, but I'm hoping after I get the spinomed III brace Sara and Lucy so wonderfully recommended, I'll be able to walk further than 15 minutes and fingers crossed pain free :) Until then I want to have more to do with my hands. I have to stay busy, so if my body can't do that so good anymore, then it's my brain and hands that get the activity. Oh and don't forget about a good game of crosswords or what I like, memory games. Memory games are great because you're accomplishing several things at once. You learn something new, improve your memory, challenge yourself, and kill time:)

They have those digital recorders that will record up to 72+ hours of dialog, so if you want to try that with your mom and the family history that's another way to get her active in talking about all the wonderful family stories, plus you'll be able to keep it and listen to it forever (or as long as the CD last). Make sure you write everything down first so you have a idea or outline where you're going with it.

I've done aqua therapy for years and agree it may be something fantastic for your mom, if you have a good PT in your area. When I was going, I stopped a couple of months ago; I saw many older people doing whatever they could in the water, and how happy they seem while in the pool. They usually arrived bent over and in a poor mood, but in a couple of minutes they would be talking to everyone and smiling while doing simple exercises. They all raved about how well they slept after getting out of the pool.

Try and find a good PT in your area, and also if her insurance will cover it, have them come to the house to evaluate how she does with the daily routine-dressing, toilet, eating, bathing etc. then proceed to an out of house PT for a pool and some *specific* stretching and exercise-possibly heat/ massage and tens unit-the ideas are numerous.

Good luck with all of this and bless you for your wonderful care of your mom, just try to understand her feelings about not wanting to be dependent-it's a hard situation.

Sorry for the length...

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