My mother makes alot of uh uh uh sounds when she first gets up in the morning and as she moves behind her walker going into the living room. I know she is in pain almost every minute from her recent falls the her spine, but for some reason, these sounds are getting to me. I remember when she was in the hospital, upon my visits, she didn't do this. How can I speak to her about it without offending her?
Susze,
I don't know what the others think, but I am not sure I would say anything to her... I do understand the annoyance because there were things my Mom did that bothered me too. I just dealt with it. I am finding as I get nearer to her age that sometimes I do the very same things which can make your hair stand on end to be honest, yet at the same time I knew she really felt bad and probably wasn't aware of her particular little tics....
What I'm saying too is that your mother sounds as though she's declining from the Mother you used to know. It is very difficult to see them looking so vulnerable when there was a time they were your rock..
I am saying I had alot of inner turmoil with my own Mother and her illness and we aren't always saints.. but all I can tell you is, I miss her now so very much and would take all her annoyances if she could sit and talk with me again...
Did your mother have osteoporosis? How long did she have to deal with the pain? I do hate the way I feel about wishing she wouldn't grunt so much, but I do know what you are saying. I will miss my mother if she goes too. My mother has been the closest friend to me off all the people I know.
I have constant pain and from my daily experiences I find that my “kvetching” groans and arrghs to be a worrisome barometer of my perceived stability or decline, since there is not much that can be done to change the condition and the consequences. Since I live alone, I have to acknowledge it as being similar to talking to oneself and I accept the chatter as part of my humanness and as an instinctive self-soothing, nurturing and protective response.
I am sure your mother appreciates your help to relieve her strain from activities of day-to-day tasks. However, the emotional strains can be a lot to carry also, but these remedies may be more difficult for family to initiate and not an appropriate responsibility for all.
Has your mother been evaluated for depression? Might she be missing this element of her health care? Also, is she receiving adequate pain management and are you aware that she is taking any related medications as prescribed? While some physicians do not sufficiently respond to the pain and quality of life needs of patients, some people are apprehensive of pain management medications or have difficulty tolerating some of the side effects? Has her medication protocol changed since the hospital?
Are these little grunting noises?
It may be her bresthing out (exhaling) as she struggles along. That is a sound we all make at some time or another as we use more force to lift, push, whatever we are doing.
Please try to be tolerant -- she cannot help this and it helps her to move along apparently.
Lucy Buckley PT aka Mother Goose
God bless you for taking care of your Mom. You are every woman's dream come true. I have three daughters (no sons) but I really wonder sometimes if any of them will be willing or able to do what you are doing for an aging Mom.
Please don't add to your Mom's very heavy burden by asking her to not groan, sigh, or make funny sounds. She'd be so distressed to hear that she's adding to YOUR pain. Turn on the radio and focus on that, try to distract yourself from her every utterance. It's up to you, not her, to make this work.
And, of course, as you already know, you need a support system and counselling while you care for her. That'll help you get over the rough spots.
Be kind to yourself and your Mom.
Thank you all for your responces. I am going to counceling. I have lost many relatives close to me, included two children. I always wanted to be a nurse and during clinicals, discovered emotionally, I wasn't cut out for it. I couldn't separate illness and death. I feel bad for my mom to have lived all these years, taken care of all of us, and grandchildren, worked as hard as she has and now to put up with this pain. As far as meds, she takes two 7.5 hydrocodone every six hours. She has tried other pain meds and this seems to help her the most. A patch was ordered for her, although very expensive, called Flector. After reading side effects, she wouldnt use it.
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