I am really trying to figure things out with my husband and it is so hard to deal with, I just don't know what to do.
When I was diagnosed with CC in October, he wasn't really there for me the way I needed him to be, then going through all of my treatments, he wasn't really there for me either. I felt like he didn't care, didn't want to help me, and honestly, just plain lazy! Looking back from the time I was having treatments until I was finished, my house went down hill. I was so glad when I got back to my old self again I could clean :-)
He would get mad at me when I was not able to have sex, to the point of him yelling at me and cussing me out, to accusing me of cheating on him. It wasn't that I didn't want to, I was just going through so much that I didn't have the energy. There was a point that I think I lost my sex drive during treatment. Now, it is back somewhat, but not like it used to be.
Well, the whole point of what this discussion is about is, in early January he started having "problems", he has high blood pressure and I had to call 911 twice because he didn't know if he was having a heart attack, thankfully he didn't. But now that he has to see a cardiologist (they did a nuclear stress test and a 24 hour heart monitor) and his pcp, he wants me to "baby" him all the time and all he does is sleep and be lazy. How can I do all of this for him when he treated me the way he did when I was going through treatments? I never got "babied"
Everyday he don't feel good, or he hurts, its always something!!!!!!
He is even starting to be mean to the kids and that is bothering me. He don't seem to want to work, and I'm having a hard time finding a job, so I don't know what to do.
I feel like that I'm just a piece of trash to him, he don't seem to have a care in the world since my grandma has been paying all the bills.
It kind of feels like I'm falling out of love with him, I mean it is so bad that I have dreams of "being happy" with another guy, of course I have no clue who he is. They're very vivid dreams and feel so real.
Why is all of this happening?
We have been married 3 years, together 4 years as of 2/21/06
We have 3 children together.
Am I just supposed to keep letting him walk all over me?
Some days I feel like we are over and I want a divorce.
Sorry to bitch and complain, but I swear I have no one else to turn to.
Please let me know your thoughts, if this has ever happened to you and what you did about it.
I'm just tired of paying for everything and him living off of me and my grandma.