What about my boyfriend now??

I was just diagnosed with high grade dyplasia (CIN 3, and high risk HPV. I will have my LEEP this Tuesday.
This was my first abnormal pap.

I am so depressed. My boyfriend and I just started living together three months ago and everything was going perfect; it was absolute bliss, until now.

This whole thing has made us very confused and we feel lost. We both feel like we don't know how to act. I feel so much guilt for giving HPV to him. I know that there is no official way to tell where it came from, but we did the background investigations on our partners, and it makes more sense that I would have it. But, I still have this guilt. I feel so terrible when I look at him and his face has anger in it, not something I am used to seeing.
We were both "clean" before this, and there has been no cheating. I know HVP can lay dormant in the body for a long time. Does something significant have to happen for us to start having symptoms?

Since there is no test for men, how does he know FOR SURE if he has HPV?
We have been having sex unprotected for over a year, so chances are he does have it.

So, what does he do now?

He is so obsessed, he checks his penis 10 times a day, he thinks that warts are going to start growing in his urethra, and he has a sore throat for the past few days, and keeps saying he hopes he doesn't have throat cancer.

I understand this is all a shock, and we panic in a situation like this, but does anyone have any advice for me or him, to not be so obsessive everyday???

Also, after my LEEP, and am healed, when am I considered clear?

Will me and my boyfriend ever have the sex life (including oral) that we once so recently had?

If I have the high grade dysplasia, can I still get warts? Can my boyfriend still get warts from me having the high grade?
We have never seen a wart on either of us. Will they start to grow now?

Also, if we break up, and date other people, if we have been clear of HPV by a doctor, are we safe to have sex with someone?

Is HPV spread through his semen?

How common is it for men to get cancers (penile, anal, throat), because of being infected with the high grade HPV that I have?

Whoever has the patience to tackle my questions, I am truly greatful and love you.

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I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. HPV seems to have a way of screwing up people's lives. There is a light at the end of the tunnel however! Remember, this too shall pass.

I'll try to answer your questions the best I can.

I've never had a LEEP (took the natural route to clear CIN). A LEEP should get rid of your CIN, however you can't be considered clear until you have a negative HPV DNA test. I understand that a LEEP does not get rid of all HPV infected cells and you may have some left over. The good news is that over time your body will likely fight off the remaining HPV infection. How long this takes varies from person to person and probably has a lot to do with whether you had clear margins. So tell your doc to do a good job!

I think you and your boyfriend can eventually get back to having a fairly normal sex life. For now I think it would be best for the both of you to abstain from oral while you both have active infections. Some experts say not to worry about it and continue with oral, however I personally would not want to take the risk of continued exposure. Basically, you don't want to increase your viral load in that area. Have you had your HPV typed? 16 and 18 are the ones most often found in oral cancers. Even then, it is not common to develop oral cancer from oral HPV 16 infection. Check out Dr. Hunter Handsfield. The guy is an infectious disease specialist and has done write-ups for the CDC. Some may find his attitude a bit nonchalant, however he is a doctor and knows his stuff. You and your boyfriend may consider reading posts on his forum and possibly writing him yourself for an expert opinion on the matter. He would tell your boyfriend to stop worrying so much! http://www.medhelp.org/posts/STDs/hpv-and-oral-cancer/show/758844

You will not get warts from high risk HPV dysplasia. Keep in mind however, it is common for individuals to carry several strains of HPV including the low risk wart causing ones. Very often people do not display symptoms of low risk HPV. Whether or not you will ever develop warts is unknown at this point. It all depends on whether you are carrying any low risk strains and how your immune system reacts to them at any given time.

If you and your bf break up there is risk of spreading HPV to others via sexual contact. If your HPV test is negative this is less likely, but not impossible. HPV transmission continues to baffle researchers and I don't think anyone really knows how the virus works. It does seem that it does go into a dormant state and may not be infectious once in that state. A lot of doctors will tell you that you don't have to share about previous HPV infections due to how common the virus is (80% or more of us are exposed in our lifetime). All the same, I think it's always good to be honest with partners when their health is involved as well of the health of other partners they may be with down the line. Here is a great link that goes into this in more detail - http://www.asccp.org/practicemanagement/hpv/naturalhistoryofhpv/tabid/5962/ default.aspx

Not entirely sure about the best way to answer your question about semen. I would imagine that it could transmit it. The reason I say this is because I am hearing of cases where women seem to be getting HPV from sperm donors and no skin-to-skin contact was actually involved. I wouldn't worry too much about the semen itself. If you are having sex with someone with HPV and skin is involved, then you are most likely going to be getting it from him even with the use of condoms. Condoms can help reduce exposure and viral load, however they are not foolproof as they do not cover the entire area of skin where HPV may be hiding out.

Penile cancer is incredibly rare, so I don't think your bf should worry much about that. Sounds like it is seen more in individuals with compromised immune systems from diseases such as HIV. The same goes for anal cancer. I believe anal cancer is found more in gay men then straight men because of the anal sex factor. Interestingly I believe there are more cases of women with anal cancer. Oral cancer is another rare cancer, however there does seem to be an increase in it men for some reason. Smoking and drinking certainly do not help. Your boyfriend certainly has reason to be concerned, but keep in mind it's still pretty damn unlikely that he will get oral cancer. Again, refer to Dr. Handsfield.

Don't be too hard on yourself. You really don't know who had HPV here. If your boyfriend had partners who were not virgins it is quite likely he already had it as well. Just learn as much as you can about HPV. You can also look into ways to be healthy and how t keep your immune system strong. Remember, HPV is not a death sentence.

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I am not an expert, nor a HPV positive, but just waiting for a result after my ex-finace informed me that he and his new gf got HR HPV.

But I want to send you a support. If you have CIN III, your health is most important at this moment. Anything else is second to it. You should not feel so guilty.

-- that is what I told my ex when he sounded so guilty. I am positive his new gf gave it to him because we broke up only 6 months ago, but even if he gave her (and me if mine turns out positive), at the moment it is not important who gave who, but how to fight it off. Stress and depression is the worst enemy of the immune system. Even if he didn't give us, probably we might get from someone in future. Try to be just supportive, loving, caring to her during her procedure as it should be a lonely journey. -- that is what I tell him and what I would like to tell you and your bf. A lot of people have a long period without sex due to accidents and diseases. You guys are just ones of them. And at this stage, you, unlike many of them, can get CIN reverse and go back to normal someday. Patience and staying positive are important.

I understand the fear and frustration your bf feels, but you guys should work as a team to fight it off. Try to make the cure as your goal and become completely goal-oriented. It is better to fight together than alone, if at all. You know the fact does not change a life, but the attitude does.

I do not know if I made you feel better at all, but hope so. Wish you the best of luck!!!

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Thank you both for the advice, websites, and help. I will be looking into the doctors website and also keep updating Thank you.

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hello - i am sure that u and ur bf can work this out ... i have been with my bf for 5yrs and this nov. had CIN 3 and HPV but he was totally supportive we didnt look who gave it to whom because it could sit dormant for yrs. and HR HPV dose not show on men (meaning no warts) I didnt have a leep i had a cone biopsy and from what i understand the leep or cone only takes the bad cells out and not the hpv. do look up information on HPV high risk... what i have done is start eating healthy takin vit. and working out there are some amazing people on this web site that have put HPV in a dormant state and cleared HPV...

p.s. people will reply with more information if you change this to members only

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Hi Everyone,

I just wanted to update you that I had my LEEP and it was successful. Margins were clear. I had my post-op PAP, and everything came back normal. As for HPV, they won't test until November, so I will know then.

BUT, My boyfriend and I have split up and I have moved out.

I guess you can't have everything ;)

Thanks everyone on this site for all the useful information.

I am wondering if anyone has a specific diet/vitamin regimen they used that boosted immunity and cleared their HPV?

I take the usually beta carotine, Vit C, Folic acid, Monalaurin, Zinc, Vit D and eat lots of veggies, exercise, don't smoke, and drink very little....... but I would love to hear other peoples healthy living plans in order to clear this.

Thanks so much, looking forward to hearing from you all...

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