Hi everybody. I'm having my leep done nxt wed, and although I' dreading it, I can't wait just to have it over and done with and get rid of my cin 111. I'm finding it harder and harder to cope with these days. I just feel really alone. My fiance is the only person who knows that I'm hpv pos. I haven't told any of my friends or mom the full story of why I must go for a leep. I tried explaining it to my mom, and she just looked shocked. I presume people do know about dysplasia and hpv, so I feel like people must think I'm ridden with stds. Of alllll the stds to catch, why does it have to be the 1 that can cause cancer? I know I'm prob giving too much info, but, it's affecting my sex life too, because all I can think about, is, is this hurting because i'm tense or do I have cancer lurking somewhere up there? I just can't relax. I know I sound like I'm feeling really sorry for myself, but it's just hard when theres nobody to talk to. I don't know what I'd do if it wasn't for this site!!! I've started taking loads of multivitamins and have quit smoking, I'm trying to eat more veg(yuck) and trying to remain stress free, but I have a teething 9 mnth old baby, so thats not so easy. Ha. I keep crying when I'm on my own, thinking that 1 day if not now, this could be cancer. It's just not fair. I didn't even sleep with that many guys. Just 1 guy before my fiance. I just hope it's going to be good news after my leep. I'd really love to have more kids, and I want to keep my womb and stay cancer free. I think alot of the women on this site are inspirational, with they've gone through and are still, and they have families to think about too. Every night nearly I dream about this, and wake up thinking of it straight away. And the pain thing with sex is freaking me out, but I'm just so tense now anyway. Well, I think thats most of my silly moan done with now. Lets hope nxt week won't be too bad. I'm dreading the anesthetic. Ouch!
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No one to talk to
- By LUCE
- Posted January 22, 2009 at 7:50 am · 7 replies
- In Fighting the stigma of STI cancers
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- By sadieann
- Posted January 22, 2009 at 9:48 am
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I had the same thing. cin III. believe it or not they got all of the affected tissue before the leep, during the biopsy. that doesnt happen to everyone of course. but i am certain the leep will help with the affected tissue. then, if the margins are clear, you will have checkups every four to six months after the leep for two years. trust me the follow ups can be nerve racking for certain. i have a three year old boy and cant have any more kids, and each time i was alone before the follow ups i would sob and think that the hpv was going to wreak havoc on my life. but since my leep i have been clear, and just yesterday i got the last of my two years of follow up paps results and they came back clear. i dont smoke, am a vegetarian, i could stand to lose a few lbs., and stress seems to be the thing i am worst with. i get myself in such a frenzy over health issues, it makes the waiting worse. hang in there. many of us have done this and although the road can be long, we can do it.
- By flowershoplady
- Posted January 22, 2009 at 9:53 am
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hi, luce. good luck with the upcoming leep, and i hope it successfully removes all the dysplasia. as you probably know, being pregnant provides an environment that hpv and dysplasia 'like' and that may have made your dysplasia progress. perhaps now that you're no longer pregnant, along with the leep, your hpv infection will clear, and all will be healthy going forward. great to hear you stopped smoking. and, as for vegetables, keep experimenting to see if there's some that you like more than others....and try them raw as well as cooked. and, yeah, all this can definitely impact sex! i would also encourage you to use condoms until you know you're hpv negative. (check out the discussions in this website about reinfection...you can search on the word 'reinfection'). it's good to have a place to vent....and this is a warm and supportive community. hug your little baby for some additional comfort. and let us know how you're doing next week!
- By bethieboo
- Posted January 22, 2009 at 10:07 am
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Hi Luce,
First of all you have got to understand that HPV is something that 50% of us carry and even though it's labeled as an STD (I hate that) it will very soon be uncommon not to have it.
Having dysplacia and hpv does NOT mean you have cancer.... in fact less than 1% of dysplacia results in caner. There are over 100 different strands of hpv - some as simple as causing warts on your hands and feet. There are only a few strands of the high risk that are cancer causing and right now there is no testing to be certain as to which strand or strands you may carry - they will only put you in a category - like me, I'm high risk so its assumed I carry 16 or 18.... at least!
I've had 2 conizations done with the leep - both brought me clear margins but the dysplacia keeps coming back and my body just won't fight the hpv so I continue to test positive for that.
Anesthetic will be your BEST friend.... don't fear it!
If you have went through the colposcopy with punch biopsy and EEC then you will be just fine with the leep.
And remember that the leep (conization) has a VERY high success rate.
Good for you on the not smoking - it's the biggest no no when dealing with anything that could result in cancer.
Keep up the work on improving the immune system, take plenty of extra folic acid and drink lots of water.
As far as handling the shame of an 'std'.... well, I have issues there too. I'm a single mom and I'm plagued with an std that will remain with me forever. But you have to educate yourself on hpv and find a way to not be ashamed of having it..... it doesn't mean you slept around or that you or your husband have. There is NO way of telling who you got it from or when.... it could take years to expose it's self.
You are NOT dirty or trashy for having it.... 50% according to CDC's statistics for 2007..... this is 2009 and I'm thinking the numbers are probably higher than 50%.
Currently there is no testing for men!
Overall my advice is educate yourself, share it with others, keep your appointments and take care of yourself.
I wish you all the best, please keep us posted!
- By LUCE
- Posted January 22, 2009 at 10:44 am
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Thank you all so much for your warm words and great advice. It really does help to just talk about this, especially witout having to explain what you're on about all the time!!! I actually feel bit better now. I have been following all of your stories the past few months (I'm not a stalker) and I know that you guys have gone through alot and have alot of knowledge. Hopefully next week will go ok and I'll be letting you know about good results.
- By BAR32
- Posted January 22, 2009 at 12:18 pm
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LUCE, hang in there. Congrats on quitting smoking -- that might be the single best thing you can do. Also, don't feel ashamed to talk about the hpv. Most people have it, and most people don't even know it. I hate that it is considered an std. I read in another post that you had warts when you were 18. From what I've researched, the wart strains are low risk regarding cancer, so I don't think it was the warts that have led to the dysplasia. I think you were likely exposed to both high risk and low risk, so there is no reason to tell your family, friends, etc. about that if you don't want. From my experience, when i started telling people that I had cancer and had tested positive for high risk HPV, most of my friends said "i did too!!!" Its something we don't always talk about, but with the movement towards testing for hpv with paps, many women are finding out that they carry it. Good luck to you. I was under anesthesia for 7.5 hours during my surgery last month!!!
- By autumnleaves
- Posted January 22, 2009 at 4:11 pm
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HI Luce,
Your not alone in your feelings. I too have been battling HPV for 3 1/2 years now. When I first heard that I had it, I was shocked. I've been through everything ( colposcopies, leep and numerous paps and then of course hysterectomy.) I have not told anyone the real reasons for the tests. Well, nobody really knows about all the tests and for the hysterectomy, I made up a reason why I had that. The only soul that knows is mynew husband of 3 years, who has put up alot with me. I believe he is the one who gave my the HPV. So I haven't been the best person to live with and I have not had sex with him in 6 months. Why would I want to do something that got me this way:(
- By LUCE
- Posted January 22, 2009 at 7:16 pm
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Hi autumnleaves, I totally understand where youre coming from with the whole sex thing. It just puts you off. I didn't get hpv from my fiance, it was from 1st boyfriend, but it's really ruined things for me in that regard, and I've always felt guilty for giving my fiance warts when we 1st got together. I just skim over the subject with my friends, although I'm sure some of them must know, and my mom is all paranoid about the family finding out, so she's lied to them and told them I'm fine now. I hope you will beat your hpv virus eventually. Again thanks for all the replies, it really does help to talk : . )
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