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my husband is a good man who loves me. he doesn't however understand why i cant have relations for the next 4-6 weeks following a cold knife cone biopsy any advice on how to i can help him understand would be most helpful.
FYI we didn't wait the 6 wks after either of our children so this is really new to him
I haven't had a cold knife biopsy, but I did have intercourse a little bit shy of the 4 wks I was told to wait after LEEP a few years ago and it hurt like hell.
Doesn't he understand how painful this will be for you? Not to mention impacting your healing.
what do you mean he 'can't wait'? he's not an animal without control - he's a man, and he needs to show restraint and be patient, and you need to do so as well. even if you have sexual urges, you need to do what's right for your health. your cervix will be like a burn that's recovering - think of how a burn forms a scab. do you want to risk infection and/or starting to bleed? be creative, and the two of you can find other outlets for your sexual urges. in having him better understand what's going on with you, you also might want to remind him that just like you have hpv, he has hpv as well - perhaps the two of you can learn how best to clear active hpv infections so that you're both healthy!
I don't mean to be inappropriate, but there are many other ways to express sexual pleasure besides having intercourse. There is also something called masturbation and most men are very familiar with that practice!
Eimaj: Oh my goodness you made me laugh!
Junaberry1: K, this is the PERFECT opportunity for some fun experiments and that's what you can tell him. There are so many new pruducts out there that could prove to be fun. If you are not comfy with your hubby going into those types of stores, then you go and surprise him with something. If you are not comfy with bringing stuff like that into your intiment (why can't I figure out if I spelled that right!!!!!!!) life then there is always oral sex. There are clitoral stimulators so he can give you more pleasure without a lot of friction (of course I am mentioning this for external use; in other words he can just rub that area) PLEASE, still ask your doc about this though as I have no clue if orgasm is to be prevented while you are healing as I have never been through this. I actually just saw some at the health food store and I was like, ew, interesting. I mean, make this time fun! In the end, your health is at stake here so if that doesn't work for him then I am with flowershoplady, we aren't animals without self-control.
Best wishes..............and goodluck! :o)
thank you all for the advice and for the understanding!!
Hi there,
I would ask your doctor about orgasm. I had one and right after my cervix felt really full (I guess the blood flow). The next day I started bleeding. I don't know whether it is a coincidence or if it caused the scab to come off on day 6. My husband felt terrible about it. My doctor definitely recommended no intercourse for 4 weeks and I really would follow that. Otherwise you may just prolong your healing. They never mentioned orgasm so my experience could be coincendental. I won't be taking that chance again though. I think after a couple of weeks orgasm should be ok but if you can I would ask a doctor. Obviously your husband can have one though - just don't get carried away!
Best of luck and stay strong. Don't let guilt / wanting to please your husband get in the way of your health.
Actually, on hindsight, I take back my comment "after a few weeks orgasm should be ok". I actually have no idea. If they say no pilates for 4 weeks, maybe orgasm is the same as it uses your pelvic muscles? I only wished I had thought about this before - it could have saved me a week of worry and bright red bleeding and back pain. I was too embarassed to ask the doctor which is silly, because orgasm may also be fine and I am wrongly attributing "cause and effect". I did have an orgasm one week after colposcopy / biopsy and that was fine. No bleeding. I waited a month (rather than the recommended two weeks) for intercourse though. I imagine everyone is slightly different (ie size of lesion, how you heal etc) which is why some people seem to exercise before recommended guidelines and everything is fine where any exercise seems to set back the healing of others. My understanding is that a cone biopsy is a more extensive procedure so better not to speculate, ask your doctor. Let me know how you get on. Best.
My only additional comment would be to ask your husband how he would feel about having sex if he had a severe burn to his penis. Would he expect you to be patient and wait until he has healed and prevent the possibility of infection or further untoward complications? I would think so, and he needs to do the same.
sounds like my husband. Say it's like him going to get circumsized and watch his face grimace. He should understand and will and should be totally supportive. Don't expect anything less. My husband acts like going in for a LEEP or whatever is no big deal but I keep saying it is and I think he is understanding now. Your husband needs to respect you for this.
I would kindly remind him that if he can't wait now, imagine what the wait will be like if you don't heal properly. I always explain the healing of a cervix much like a wound on the arm. If you had a third degree burn on your arm, roughly the size of a quarter or more, you wouldn't rub a penis on it, let alone let anyone touch it with dirty hands. We'll having sex before 4-6 weeks is much the same. Sorry to be so vulgar or blunt. But that seems to speak to a lot of men!
If you have ever had a burn or an open wound that you picked, you know it doesn't heal well when messed around with. It can ooze, puss and scab break open or become infected. It can develop scar tissue and can be sensitive, well...your cervix is much the same.
While it isn't the end of the world if you have sex at four weeks, he needs to understand that his needs do not superceed your health. I suggest getting creative or visiting an online site (Good Vibrations in SF has agreat sight and a lot of good alternatives for straight males) and ordering him a few goodies on a rush.
I consider myself fortunate, as my hubby had to go without intercourse for 10+ months of both my pregnancies (and now a third since I am pregnant again), as well as during my 4+ months of cervical cancer/stenosis treatment and he didn't stray or pressure me. Of course we found other ways and it wasn't the same at first, but he knew the overall results were well worth his wait.
Ask him if his pleasure is worth your pain. Tell him about the complications from infection that can happen. i also agree with asking him how he'd feel about you rubbing his penis a week or so after a severe burn.
I'm post 3 weeks from my LEEP. My husband and I are both frustraited as hell So I can sympathise. If all you explainations fail buy him a cheap bottle of conditioner and send him to the shower for some "self" pleasure
It's really true that if there's some kind of complication or if you don't heal correctly, then it's likely to impact your sexual relationship for many months to come. It actually took me over a year (after having a fairly extensive LEEP) to feel OK when sexually excited. For a very long time, I could feel blood trying to rush to that removed area and it hurt -- not real bad -- but just uncomfortable. When you do resume having sex, your husband will need to be careful and go slowly at first. This healing time is really important, so best not to rush it!! You want your next pap to come back normal, and by 6 months, you should also be testing negative for HPV as a sign that the procedure successfully removed the dysplasia.
Here's a link to some pictures of the cervix after a LEEP. A cone is more extensive than a LEEP, but I couldn't find pictures of the cervix after a cone. You can see what a large chunk of cervix is removed and if you scroll down to pictures of the cervix, you can see that there's even quite a difference between the way the cervix looks after 3 months versus 1 year. So healing is continuing to take place long after the 4-6 weeks your doctor suggested to wait to have sex. (Scroll down to see figures 13-8, 13-9 & 13-10.)
http://screening.iarc.fr/colpochap.php?lang=1&chap=13
Another reason this healing time is so critical is that if your doctor didn't remove all the dysplasia with this procedure, it's still possible that your body will clear the remaining dysplasia/active HPV infection on its own. So it's important to gear your efforts toward attaining that normal pap/negative HPV test. That means -- reduce stress, eat a diet high in fruits and vegetables, get plenty of sleep and do everything you can to improve your body's chance to heal (no tampons, douching, baths, sex or anything that might cause infection). Your husband should be waiting on you hand and foot to ensure your recovery.
You husband is not taking this matter seriously. I agree with the post that said you have been burned internally. You need time to heal, and to have sex prematurely would not only cause you discomfort, (you have open wounds) but might cause increased bleeding and infection. I've heard of women who have needed blood transfusions as complications from this procedure.
What is wrong with some men? I remember my ex husband had an uncle whose wife was told she could not have any more children under any circumstances. Her husband got her pregnant with twins, and she died in childbirth. I'm wondering why your husband is being so selfish.
I don't think men regard a woman's body the way they do their own. It's ultimatly selfishness on their part. They seem to think that because women give birth that we should some how be impervious to pain and trauma in that intimate part of our bodies.
It makes me think of the eye opener I've had about my own husband these past few days.
Please dont think I'm putting him down or that I hate men or my husband, cause I really truely love my husband very much. Everyone has their flaws, I know I do.
And I figure this might help illistrate that.
I recently had treatment for my HPV and was in alot of pain and some bleeding after. For the first day my husband was an angel and wrapped me in a blanket and let me sleep most of the day. The next day he had to leave for a week on a business trip. I didn't mind cause it would give me time to heal and he called everyday to talk. When he got back he really pushed the issue of sex even though I gave him alternatives and he knew I was still sore. Anyway he forced the issue when we went to bed that night and even though I was begging him to stop and close to tears he still had it his way. Afterwards I was bleeding and in the same amount of pain as day 1 again and crying.
He wanted to know what was wrong with me and got angry when I told him it hurt. We argued and he insisted on seeing for himself what was wrong. Interestingly enough it was only when he saw how much he'd hurt me did he finally get that I was serious about it hurting and why I was so upset.
My husband is not a bad man and I know he felt horrible about hurting me afterwards. But I know now that some if not most men need visual aid when it comes to understanding what is going on with our bodies and why it hurts.
I have included this link to a video of a LEEP procedure, not to scare, but to give anyone who needs it to educate their husband/partner on why it's important to let you heal and to put their needs aside for awhile. Cause like the other ladies have said, 'There are other ways of giving and recieving sexual pleasure without penetration.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0-kcAICY4uE
I know its a youtube vid, but I managed to back track it to the original medical site just to be sure its not anything weird.
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