Mood swings...

My girlfriend, 34 years old, has been diagnosed with Cervical Cancer. Her Oncologist told me it was stage IIb. She is going through radiation 5 times a week and chemo every Wednesday. She has just finished up her second week and is scheduled for 6 total and then maybe internal radiation if she needs it.

What i'm trying to find out from those of you that have been through similar treatments is if the treatments/drugs she is getting can cause severe mood swings? Or maybe just the pressure of finding out and suddenly going through all this can cause some kind of mood swings?

I have been with her for 4 months now, but have known her since we were kids. Our relationship progressed very quick in the 4 months because of this and I moved in with her about 2 weeks ago so i could help her while she went through all this.

My previous relationship lasted for 17 years before slowly dwindling away the last few years of it. However, with my current girlfriend I have felt more love and have had more affection then I ever thought could exist. I have done everything I possibly could for her, like change the way I dress to her liking, change the way I act because certain things annoyed her, change what I eat and drink, the way I wear my hair...everything she's asked of me. I have been there for her every step of the way during this...every doctor's appointment, every treatment, holding her every day when she didn't feel good or was sad.

We went from taking walks while holding hands for 45 minutes, snuggling on the couch watching movies, intimately touching and passionate kissing(because we cannot have intercourse during all this) and her telling me all the time how much she loves me and is so lucky to have me there for her to just the other morning her getting irate with me out of nowhere and telling me she has no romantic feelings for me. And when I say out of nowhere, I mean it...it was like a bomb hitting and everything has changed...she talks to me like I disgust her and every time I try to talk to her about it, she starts getting mad, snaps at me and won't talk.

Now, I just moved in with her and gave up my house to my ex and all the furniture and stuff in it. I discussed this with my girlfriend for weeks and let her know I would have nothing and wanted to make sure it is truly what she wanted...each time she told me yes and got irritated because I even had a thought anything could go wrong. I spent hundreds of dollars on medical/dental to get my son everything he needed to get transferred to the new school. Now, here I am with absolutely nothing and nowhere to go...she says she will not kick me out, but you can imagine how I feel with her acting so cold towards me and all the stress and tension...I feel like i'm walking on eggshells every second of the day.

So, after that book of a story, I need to know is this possibly some side-effects of the treatments or am I just dealing with a very cold-hearted woman? If it may be the treatments, then I love her enough to stick it through and stay and help her because she has been getting worse and worse, but if the treatments do nothing like that and she is just cold, then i'd like to try and get my life together and get out of this hellish situation.

Any advice would be great and I would appreciate it so much. Thanks in advance!

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Dear Guanaco,
In June, 2007 I was diagnosed with Cervical Cancer Stage IIb and know exactly what your girlfriend is going through. Fortunately, my boyfriend of nine years at the time was very understanding. Not sure what is going on with your girlfriend, but I clung & held on to my boyfriend during that time. He saved me. My doctors also agreed that sex during radiation & chemotherapy helps in the healing process. As a nurse and my boyfriend is a doctor...maybe talking to your girlfriend is the key.

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Thanks for your reply, Nanette. It hurt horribly to read it and think that she actually is just being this cold, but I appreciate the honesty.

It is weird that her radiation doctor said no sex during the radiation. Maybe I should bring it up with him again and find out why he said that...on the other hand, I guess it doesn't matter as she broke up with me...ugh. Such an emotional roller coaster in every aspect.

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I am a survivor of cervical cancer and was diagnosed as stage IIb, I know that I have not been of the same temperament as previously as it was all a big shock and with all the pain of the treatment, the embarrassing toilet issues and the pain it has left me to my hips and legs etc as well as the biggest shock of all being that i will never be able to have children I can understand to an extent that your girlfriend may be pushing you away due to all of these things. I do feel like and was told that the chemo can mess with the brain. I have not been thinking the same since, memory issues as well. Foggy thought processes. So maybe stick with it if you can, hopefully you will be able to work through it. Good luck

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Thanks for the replies.

I will try and stick it out for a little bit, but it hurts so bad seeing her so much and knowing I cannot touch her or even talk to her like I could just several days ago. I am beginning to think that she is really just a cold person as she has not once even tried to start up a conversation with me or even act like she cares in the least.

She has only had a few days where she has been feeling bad all day and stayed on the couch...do you think that she will be ok for the remainder of the treatments by herself or does it start getting worse after the second week?

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relationships are complicated, and then you add a cancer diagnosis, and it's sure to impact the relationship. that's one of the reasons that there are support groups designed for those with a loved one with cancer......you may want to see if there's a gilda's group near you to help provide you with support....and maybe for your girlfriend as well.

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Oh boy HOWDY do I ever have mood swings. I was diagnosed Feb. 14th of 2007 with stage 2B cervical cancer. I went through 6 weeks of rads and chemo ( including aclinical trail drug) and 2 LOOOOOOOOOOOONG internal cessium implants. I am happy to say that thus far I remain cancer free, however my attitude SUCKS!!! I absolutely hate sex and refuse to be intimate w/ my husband. He is patient..............cancer has robbed me of my desires and him of his wife. Please know that I HATE feeling this way and would do ANYTHING to be in "the mood" for my hubby...however~~~~ It just doesn't happen for me. I have been poked and prodded and SCARED to freakin' death.......just wanna be left alone for a spell. I love my husband more than life but I find myself pushing him away and even being CRUEL to avoid intimacy......It comes with the package I guess. us cervical cancer gals have/had an VERY personal cancer and it may take a loooooooong while to feel "better" down there. Emotional AND physically...........
Your lady probably loves you more than ya know but she has been thnrough alot my friend..........ALOT!!!
Your patience and pure determination to love her unconditionally will bring her back...........I am gradually seeing the light in my "personal" life.........
Her moods are normal and just a way of her expressing her frustrations.............

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Guanaco -- I think I would be a very grumpy person if I was going through what your girlfriend is. I don't have cervical cancer but I have HVP and I quite often have mood swings (especially after visiting the DR). I often feel dirty or infested, broken, worthless and scared. I tend to want to be alone. I'm usually very short and mean with my boyfriend and think that he's being insensitive (even though he is very supportive and caring). I feel like I'm being attacked. I think since the virus or disease is in a very personal area and in the origin of her women hood it makes it especially difficult to be in a realtionship and to show intimacy. I would suggest letting her have her space and she'll come to you when she can handle more on her plate. It's natural for people to lash out (or seems cruel) when they are stressed. And you can't except her to consider how she is making you feel when she is in a fight for her life.

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I think you need to consider how this is affecting your son, first of all. He is the important one. I don't know how old he is, but he is already stressed being in a new school and new setting. You had been in your previous relationship for 17 years, so I suppose he was comfortable and established in that home.

You said that you have known your girlfriend since you were kids - think over what she was like then. She seems very controlling, in that she has made you change how you dress, your hair, etc. Even when people are terribly stressed and moody because of illness they are basically the same person they were before. They cry more, they may lash out once in a while, medications may add to the emotional overload, but none of that should last. She is too early in her treatment to have chemo affect her that much, although of course apprehension and fear can do it. Does she have family and a support network she can turn to?

Please balance your son's needs with hers and yours, get some outside counseling, and then decide.

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I cannot believe that you are referring to your girlfriend who is being treated for cancer as " a cold person". Are you looking for an excuse to leave her and want to feel justified in doing so? That's exactly what I'm reading into this. When a person is physically sick, and mentally devastated by having a bombshell of cancer dropped on them, they might appear moody at times. I'm sure right now, your girlfriend just wants her old life back. Are you assuring her that you understand that she can't have sex, and that you don't mind the wait? Or are you giving her subtle messages that you resent not having sex? I hope you're thinking that this diagnosis MAY HAPPEN TO YOU ONE DAY and that you should treat her the way you'd want to be treated.

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First of all, Marsha, I never called her that. I asked questions on a forum where there are women going through this for a reason...because I have not gone through this and am looking for some answers. I asked if it was the treatments or MAY be that she is cold. That's why I am here, because I do not know!

It seems you do not read very well if you think i'm looking for a reason to leave her...I am actually looking for a reason to stay with her after all this has happened and was hoping i'd find that reason here.

I resent you skimming over my post and hopping on me like I am a bad person, when I am the farthest from that. I am here because I am a good person and want to understand what my girlfriend is going through so that I may help her through it in the best way possible.

I changed my whole lifestyle for my girlfriend...she means the world to me and I would do anything for her. When she is not feeling well, I am her personal servant and I enjoy getting her anything she needs, cooking her food and just holding her and letting her know I am there for her. I do not have a motive or ask for a pat on the back, I do this because I love her with all my heart!

I have not once mentioned sex to her and I do not try and do anything that might make her horny or make her think that I am. Of course I don't mind the wait, her health is far more important to me then having sex...how dare you assume something like that!

I am sorry you are so bitter about something, but I am not that person!

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I pushed everyone away while I was going through treatment. I think it's natural. She is seeing all the negative in this and probably doesn't want you to get hurt. Say a person knows they are dying...they don't want people to be close to them b/c then they will hurt more when it's all over. Know what I mean?

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I do know what you mean, its my goliath.

Yesterday she texted me and said she was really sorry and that she did not know what was wrong with her and she is just a mess right now. I told her I was staying away for awhile so I wouldn't be up her ass and upset her and she told me that I can come there...I said ok, but I still stayed out until she was sleeping. She woke up in the middle of the night and called me in her bedroom and we talked for a bit...she let me know that she was very scared right now and just has to focus on herself. She said she just can't be in a realtionship right now and that maybe we just rushed it.

Although I still don't fully understand how she can just instantly not care about me anymore and have no feelings for me...not a hug, touch or even get closer then a few feet from me since that day, the way I see it is that she is going through something that is mind-numbingly horrifying and it is not about me. Sometimes love is doing the right thing even if it is not the right thing for you...I should just find a way to leave and never talk to her again if I wanted to do the right thing for me and stop my own selfish emotional distress, but I love her too much to abandon her when I know she will need someone there constantly to help her through this.

Wisdom is knowing what to do next; virtue is doing it.

I will be there for her, as a friend, even though it is destroying me inside to not be able to hold her. All I do is sit here and cry, but I can imagine what she is going through, both physically and emotionally, is 10 times worse. All you ladies are so strong and I thank you for talking with me.

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