Iam 25 before my advaced cancer i was happy and now iam lost i feel stupid for not going to gt my yearly check ups i lie to myself and others about my ability to have kids i really going menopause and i dont really tell people that know me that cause iam so young i lknow thats cause i want to fit in and to make matters worse my body has been acting up makin me go CRAZY ...by the way my very first results from my pap on the day of 09/25/08 were u have stage3b the worse hpv known to mankind i hate myself sometimes i been through chemo and radition of all kinds to top if off my cancer had the nerve to spead to my breast lung and pelvic area on 12/29/08 one day after my 25 b day it was hard i thank god he gave me another chance to live its just hard to deal with the fac that i cant have kids my body so f*****up
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Lost in a lie
- By Shawnpew
- Posted August 6, 2009 at 12:57 am · 7 replies
- In How my diagnosis changed my life
- Shared with the public
7 replies
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- Newest first
- By flowershoplady
- Posted August 6, 2009 at 10:03 am
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hi, shawnpew. i'm so sorry you're dealing with all this. are you still in treatment for the cancer that's spread to areas outside the cervix? do others not know that you have cancer?or is it the loss of fertility and menopause that they're not aware of. if you open up and and share with those who are close to you, you may be surprised how supportive those caring friends can be. and i think you might want to focus on your health, getting yourself better, and perhaps you need help and support with that. is there a gilda's club near you that you could join? and perhaps an individual therapist to help you with your issues as well? sending you gentle hugs....
- By 4health4
- Posted August 6, 2009 at 10:28 am
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Oh Shawnpew, it sounds like you have been through so much and are in a dark place right now....I try to believe that "everything is as it should be"- maybe when you beat that cancer you can support others that are just starting to deal with the same thing. If you are here today that means you made it yet another day. It's best to try to be honest with yourself at the least. Just because you can't physically have children, maybe you could adopt a child eventually, be with someone who already has children, use a surrogate, be a foster parent to babies....there are options to consider if you'd like to have children in your life some day. Right now you need to concentrate on loving yourself and your sick body- take care of it the best you can, although I'm sure you feel like it has betrayed you. You are not stupid, you are human, like all of us. I'm sorry you are going through this, and will be thinking of you. The women here are a great support, and you can vent whenever you need to.
- By marsha123
- Posted August 6, 2009 at 12:16 pm
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My heart goes out to you. Everything you are feeling is understandable, since I know you need to grieve for what is, and what cannot be. Although you may not understand this now, in time you will realize that you have a lot of life to live, places to go, people to meet, goals to accomplish, relationships to nuture, and experiences to relish. Life is full of beauty. Right now you're only seeing the ugliness, but that will change. This part of your life is just a small slice of a much larger pie. You will realize that when you are older, but--as I said--I understand your feelings here and now, and you are entitled to them. Just know, so many women here understand and care and will help you in any way we can! Supportive hugs, M
- By Shawnpew
- Posted August 6, 2009 at 2:24 pm
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Thanks so much,im so glad u cared and i stop going to my radition treatments in feb this year due to the fact that it makes me sick and i got a second opinion and this doctor office didnt see no cancer so now iam going through menopause and other changes i go in for a pap and pet scan next week please pray all is well may god bless u all
- By stalin
- Posted August 6, 2009 at 9:10 pm
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i know how u feel. i will definetly keep u in my prayers. u also pray.
- By its_my_goliath
- Posted August 7, 2009 at 12:14 am
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i know what you mean. i'm 31 and i've been through the same as you 3b spread to lymph nodes in the ab after initial treatment.
i have friends who are on their second, third, fourth babies. i always dreamed of a big family. i am happy for the kids i have but ... human nature i guess. anyways, not many people understand how fertility is effected by chemo/radiation. so people ask are you done having kids. it gets to me sometimes. and i want to fit in like you and not say oh i been through cancer.
- By Shawnpew
- Posted August 7, 2009 at 7:08 am
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Yes it spread one month in to treatment.i really dont know why or how ?
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