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I just found out today that I am HPV positive. I have been married 11 yrs. and early in our marriage my husband had an affair. We have worked things out and now have 3 beautiful wonderful children, but after finding this out I want to die. I dont know what to expect and I feel alone. Any advice is helpful. I cannot go to anyone because its embarrassing
Exercise Cancer Surgery Hysterectomy HPV Stress Cervical cancer
Hi Dianea,
I don't know if I will really be of any help, but I just wanted to let you know that you are so not alone!
I feel depressed and terrible too, and I haven't been having an easy time with this. I found out five months ago and now I'm facing the possibility of surgery and am terrified.
I think maybe it's normal to feel depressed upon first finding out, but you have to go on. At first I felt horribly embarrassed too, but now its getting easier. I'm realizing how common this is and I know my own history. I know that I did not have sex with a lot of people, I'm an educated person. What I'm saying is that this can happen to anyone.
I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years, I thought I was in the clear.
So every time you feel really terrible, just remember there are other women out there in the same situation and you are not alone.
Don't let yourself feel dirty because this could happen to everyone. It doesn't matter how many partners you have had.
Also, I've found great support in my family and my close friends, as well as this Web site. Knowing that I have so many people behind me who care has helped. Maybe if you talk to those you are closest with, you will find that the are much more understanding than you thought.
Good luck.. sending hugs your way.
Dianea,
First off, none of us here can tell you how to feel, just know that, like the previous reply stated, you are not alone in feeling the way you do. I usually try to be the "cup half full" type of person, and have tried to see the silver lining in every bit of bad news that I receive. So, cancer of the cervix? At least it hasn't spread further. Cancer cells between the lymph vessels? They'll take those out in surgery. My hair may fall out with chemo? I'm going to buy costume wigs and wild out with my look. I know that you will have your ups and downs. I don't know if you are a person of faith, but, if you are, let your pastor know. Having a congregation pray for you makes you feel protected. Have you spoken to your mother, or a sister, or an aunt? You may be surprised to find that some woman in your family has also gone through this and also been a bit embarrassed to say something. Speak to your friends. You'll know which ones you can trust with your fragile feelings at this time. Although, you'd be surprised at who may come through for you once you tell them. Take joy in your children, and try to, every so often, sigh and say "Thank God I had them already". I've never had children, always wanted them, and now will have a hysterectomy at 30 that will knock that out of the picture. Cry when you want to cry. Get away and rage when the stress makes your head want to explode. And, above all, accept help when it comes to you. It gets easier the more you do it. I pray that you will come through this whole and content.
Jossie
Dianea,
Your feelings are completely normal. However, you mentioned about your husband having an affair, and I caution you about blaming him or the affair for this. There is no way to determine from whom you got HPV. It can remain dormant for years and you may have had it before this affair and were unaware of it until now. Your husband may have had it before the affair and men often feel very guilty and remorseful knowing they passed along something like this to you.
You need the support of your husband now more than ever and internal feelings of blame can and most often will affect your relationship. Discuss those feelings with him openly and know that HPV is the most common sexually transmitted disease and can be transmitted even without intercourse via skin to skin contact and other means.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE!! It's perfectly NORMAL to feel mixed emotions. I found out almost two months ago during a routine exam..high risk HPV and a normal PAP. I felt scared/angry/confused/embarassed. I couldn't see pass the HPV when I looked in the mirror and didn't feel pretty/desirable/confident. After lots of research on HPV and trying to keep it in perspective..I decided to do what I could to help my body fight this ( healthy die w/ fruits/veggies, exercise, reducing stress, and taking supplements,.I slowly began to feel like myself (even shaved my legs yesterday!)
You WILL get thru this.and NOT give in to finger pointing/blaming yourself/or feeling less than the strong /beautiful person that you are! This site has definitley helped me on good days and days when i felt like being down on myself. your hubby and you ashould sit down and talk about HPV (not blame) your feelings and his...educate yourselves and be each others support system.
I got this type of results yesterday. mod/severe dysplasia. Never even knew I had HPV and if I had I would have scheduled yearly paps instead of 2-3 years like my previous ob suggested. I too am a married woman for 11 years. We have been monogamus on both of our parts. and prior to that only 1 other partner. It was like a pile of bricks the doctor dumped on me and I wanted to point the blame on someone. my hubby or better my prior partner over 13 yrs ago, but that anger was so consuming. I agree with the pp don't point the blame on an affair, at this point you dont know where/when you got tde hpv. and you need all the support you can get. dDon't shut your hubby out or make him feel guilty. I decided to hope on-line and see how I could help myself at this point. Look at the bright side of things and what I can do to not let this get any worse. I had a colposcopy yesterday. in 2 weeks my dr will advise me on whats next. In the meantine I am trying to become informed. although I feel sad and ashamed, I am finding it's not that shameful anyone can get this. HTH
If its any consolation, 80% of the sexually active population has or have had HPV. Its no big deal. Just make sure to stay on top of regular gyn check ups. Cervical Cancer is almost always preventable with regular paps. Eat a healthy diet. Do not smoke. Drink only sparingly, if at all. You will be fine.
Thank you I really needed to hear this
Thank you so much. I needed to hear that
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