Already a member? Sign in
What - Inspire is a place where you can connect with people who share your health concerns and find information and advice in groups sponsored by organizations you know and trust.
Why - As a member you can use Inspire to let friends and family know how you're doing, contact others who share your health concerns, receive personalized updates and information about participating in surveys and clinical trials, and more.
How - Joining Inspire is completely free and usually takes less than a minute. Join now!
I'm 26yrs old and in the course of one month was diagnosed w/ cervical cancer and had a radical hysterectomy. While I know have the support of my family, I feel that my boyfriend isn't really there. On top of everything else I feel like I have to question our relationship. I'm new to this and I guess I just want to know is there a certain way he should be there for me?
Cancer Surgery Hysterectomy HPV Radiation therapy Stress Cervical cancer
Guys tend to want to fix problems, and when they can't, they become distant, frustrated, and may seem unsupportive. Try telling him that you know he can't "fix" your health right now, but you appreciate his support, and his just being there for you. If he's the right kind of guy, he will respond to your honesty. Unfortunately, I've seen a lot of guys "jump ship" when their partners are faced with an illness. These guys are too self-absorbed, immature, and selfish to deal with a time in the relationship that is challenging and often unpleasant. Concentrate on yourself now, and getting well so you can be the best you can be in the future. (This is not being selfish, this is being prudent.) Good luck, honey, and I hope your guy learns some empathy and compassion from this experience.
I am so very thankful that my husband has been very supportive during this crazy roller coaster ride, but I have seen frustration in his eyes many times. All that I can suggest you to do, is explain to him that you have been through a life changing experience and if he can not be there for you and support you then he should maybe re evaluate the man that he is and his priorities. Try to stay strong, you need to think about "you" right now, keep your head up and look to God for his guidance and strength, that is one man that will never let you down. :o)
Girl,
I too have stage1B2 cervical and it came as a big surprise. I am currently in week three chemo(cisplatin)-radiation therapy. I will then begin two internal radiation treatments. I have heard so many stories about side effects and the treatments and learned that everyone is different. The women on Inspire helped me so much with all of their input and information. Fortunately I have been doing well, my doctor gave me two rx for nasause a drug called emmend and zofran. Two two has so far kept me stable,although even with insurance the emmend is very expensive.
Please let me know if you need any other info. You can do it!!!!
Now for your boyfriend Its very hard for them to deal and understand the support needed. My fiance of four years just left me due this monster inside me. He couldn't hang......I hope yours will see the light. If he doesn't you can't let it stress you..cancer and stress don't mix. This is all about you now and remember you will not be down forever.....
Just wanted to let you know that you will be in my prayers . . . I've just been diagnosed with HPV 16 and high grade dysplasia. I'm going for a LEEP and cone biopsy and of course afraid they will find malignant cells. My husband is being supportive, but he really doesn't understand how scared I am. He's so relaxed about it all, like it's no big deal. I think they really just handle things differently than we do. But of course, that doesn't help when we need love and support!!!!! Keep turning to the wonderful people here when you need to, and know that out there are people pulling for you and praying for you. Remember what shayt said, this is all about you now - you are a beautiful empowered woman. Stay strong!
Taleia, I'm sorry that you're going through this. I also know how much more it sucks when you don't have a great support system...especially when it is your significant other who isn't supportive. When I was diagnosed, the one person that I yearned for my boyfriend's support. At that time we had dated almost 2 years, and I felt like this should be something both of us would be affected by (mostly b/c of the loss of fertility). Initially he seemed like he might be supportive, but it lasted about a week. I remember distinctively Memorial Day weekend of that year...I was pouring through research articles my doctor gave me to try and help me make a treatment decision, while he leafed through brochures on new cars! We were living in totally different worlds, and it was at that point that I thought "if you can't be there for me in the bad times, you don't get to be there for the good times." So, we broke up.
I agree with Marsha about the fixing mentality of men. It really sucks, and I hope your guy wakes up to what you're going through and what is ahead of you. He very well may, and talk with him about what you're feeling b/c sometimes guys don't get it until you tell them specifically what is going on. I should note that after about 6 mos, my bf and I got back together and....he's still not really there for me (I'm going through a lot of family issues right now and it would be nice to have a shoulder to lean on, but I shouldn't be surprised).
In any case, you will find support on this site. I think, particularly if you're looking at chemo and/or radiation on top of surgery, you're going to need a good support system. Is there a Gilda's Club in your area? If so, they have support groups for young adults with cancer. You will find that young adults with this disease experience a lot of common issues, and that this cuts across all types of cancer. If that is not an option, talk to your doctor or hospital about other support groups. They don't always do a great job of connecting patients to those resources, but they do exist. (also try the American Cancer Society and PlanetCancer.org).
Take care of yourself and I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Add to the discussion