I just found out in August that I had HPV and abormal cells. After getting a colpo done, the doctor told me I have cervical intraepithelial neoplasia stage 2. I just got married this year, although my husband is extremely supportive and completely terrified, I'm worried about how to tell my parents and his. The part that is more complicated is that about a week before I got my results that I have risk risk HPV, my mom found out she has a brain anuerysm. My doctor wants me to get the LEEP and I'm really close to my mom so I want her to know and be there but I cannot tell her until she has her surgery to remove her aneurysm and until it heals right?? The doctor doesn't want her under any stress. Then the other thing is how do I tell them without thinking my husband or me is "dirty". Both my husband and I made lots of mistakes about sex before we got married so I thinking I'm fighting a lot of the shame that goes with having a STD. It wouldn't be as big of a deal if I didn't have to get this procedure. And I am terrified that I am going to not be able to have kids. I just have emotions everywhere right now and need to talk to my mom but can't. And then the other thing I was wondering is should just any doctor do the LEEP procedure? Or should I get another opinion? Sorry my post is so scrambled and not very organized.
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HOW DO YOU TELL YOUR FAMILY
- By BeccaSL
- Posted October 15, 2009 at 2:02 pm · 8 replies
- In Fighting the stigma of STI cancers
- Shared with the public
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- By Carab
- Posted October 15, 2009 at 5:23 pm
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I had a hard time telling my mom about my HPV and she was a little confused about it. She did her own research on the whole thing and came to realize how common it is and that 80% of the population has some form of the virus. I am sorry your mom is going through her own share of stress with the anyuerism and if the doctor wants to keep her stress down, then maybe it is best to wait to tell her for her own health. If there is any advice I could give you, it is DO NOT FEEL DIRTY OR ASHAMED! This something many many many women (and men) have. If anything, feel grateful that you are taking care of this before it has progressed to a higher, more dangerous level.
I know the LEEP sounds scary but really, its not much worse than the colposcopy. It will all be over before you know it!
- By BeccaSL
- Posted October 17, 2009 at 2:43 pm
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Thank you so much for your encouragement. It is so nice to be here and able to read other stories of such strong women who are going through worse things. Thank you again.
- By kalalor
- Posted October 18, 2009 at 10:01 am
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I, too, struggled with telling my mom. I had only been with 3 people in my life and still was concerned. My mom is my best friend and I tell her everything, except sex...well, now it's all out there. My mom was confused and I think initially correlated it with HIV...which I corrected her. I explained it to her as much as I could and I think she gets it. However, I really am not sure how much she gets. I know how you feel, though. I still feel dirty at times, even though I know I shouldn't due to the commonality of this virus. However, I am definitely not wanting my boyfriend's family to know. I fear that they will be judgemental, not understand, make jokes, and assume (because he's perfect!) that I gave him HPV! I'm not sure where in the 3 people that I've been with that I got it, but my boyfriend and I are both assuming it is from him. This is just something I would like to avoid sharing with his side of the family due to being judged. I am having a LEEP under general anasthesia in the OR next Wednesday (10/28) and I will keep that...and any other procedures I may have to face in the future between my family and my boyfriend.....it's has such a stigma....and I wish it didn't. I hope that I just let you know that many many people feel the same way.
As for your mom, I'm sorry she is going through a difficult time, as well. I think you might be right in waiting to tell her until it is safe for her health to do so.
All the best!
Kristi
- By ErinB248
- Posted October 18, 2009 at 10:38 am
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Becca,
I am still struggling with that whole "feeling dirty" thing, even though I know I shouldn't. Almost all women and men will have HPV at some point in their lives... it's just that most cases clear spontaneously and don't produce all the worry that we are going through. I shared it with my family and my close group of friends, and have experienced nothing but tremendous support. Of course there were questions, but I talked to my doctor before telling my family to get her to answer the questions that I think they would ask. It made life much easier! My doctor said she doesn't refer to it as an STD because of the stigma that goes along with that word. She simply says it is a virus that most people get if they are sexually active (regardless of the number of partners).
As far as the LEEP, you should find an OB/Gyn that you trust. They have had all the training they need to perform this procedure and perform it on a pretty regular basis. I had it done in the doctor's office. They used local anesthetic to numb my cervix, then removed the lesion. After that they cauterize the area so you don't bleed too much (it is noisy and sounds scary, but it isn't bad). I had some heavy bleeding that first day and some cramping, and then very light bleeding for several days after that. I discussed the risks as far as future pregnancies because I definitely want children, and the risks are very minimal with LEEP. Hope this helps out! Good luck!
Erin
- By BeccaSL
- Posted October 18, 2009 at 4:57 pm
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Thank you Thank you for all input. We told my husband's parents last week and they were extremely supportive and didn't even ask about what HPV is or questioned where it came from- which made the conversation a lot easier.
Kristi
I wish you the best luck with your LEEP next week, will you keep me posted with how it goes ? especially since I will most likely be having it this next month or so.
Thank you again!
- By aileen
- Posted November 4, 2009 at 1:23 am
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Show your family the DVD on the NCCC home page www.nccc-online.org called: BREAKING THE SILENCE. This short video will help explain what is going on!!!
NCCC
- By angeleyesroses44
- Posted November 4, 2009 at 10:11 pm
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Becca,
I understand how you feel! I want to tell you though that at least you know what caused yours. When I first found out I had a high grade abnormal leision on my cervix, I had no clue what that meant and no one told me. I instantly thought it meant cancer. I told my mom right away because my doctor's office always calls her number first and she tells me to call them (I live 2 1/2 hours from my doctor, craziness but I love my doc now and wouldn't trade her for anyone! Especially when it comes to my cervical health!). I had to do my own research, came up with my "worst case senerios" and then talked to my doc about my questions. You're married, and my boyfriend and I (who I am still with and plan on marrying one day) had only been dating a little over a month when I found out about my leision. Luckily he was very supportive, and was by my side through everything. He told his parents, with my permission, because he needed someone to talk to and I was growing closer with them and wanted them to know what was going on. They have been wonderfully supportive of me and just ask how I'm doing. They knew we were scared and that I'm still scared (I still have CIN I after over a year now. I started with CIN III) and they want to make sure that everything's going alright.
First thing people need to realize is that it's a virus, and many people get it. It doesn't mean we're dirty, so NEVER feel ashamed. Most people's bodies fight the virus, we few just happen to not have done so. It's scary, and nerve wracking, especially since it's confusing and you don't know what to tell people. I tell them I had/have pre-cancer cells. That may sound scarier, but that's essentially what HPV, CIN I, II, and III all are. They are pre-cancer cells, but they're cells that can be taken out and it's a virus you can fight.
A LEEP is a breeze, especially on in the OR (that's what I had done). You're in and out within half a day. You don't feel the pain because they put you under a local anesthia. I was exhausted for a few days after but that was about it. Just mild discomfort. I had my OB/GYN who did my colposcopy do my LEEP and now she's the doctor that I am definitely most comfortable with. It's your decision, but I'm glad I had my LEEP done. And my doctor has told me that she's had several people have 2 LEEP's done and still have kids. Good luck! I'm rooting for you!
- By deannaleras
- Posted November 16, 2009 at 11:04 pm
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The sad truth is that nearly 80% of people who have had sexual intercourse have hpv so the people that may think of this disease as "dirty" are probably infected too. This disease can be transmitted even if you have safe sex with a condom bc the testicals can pass the disease. I would recommend letting you parents watch the video's on the site and know the facts. Your life is at risk and if your parents love you they won't let a fals stigma aimed at women prevent them from supporting you. Until i watched the video i didn't even know there was a stigma. My husband was my only boyfriend and partner but i was not his only but he only had two serious girlfriends as well...so you don't have to be on a "girls gone wild" video to get this disease you can be a normal person who happens to contract you! I have had the leep procedures and they aren't a big deal no recovery time! I would make sure you follow up with the results to make sure everything is removed all the way to the margins...if i were you i would get paps every 6 months...i have cancer now and on my last pap and colpo i was completely clear 1 year ago. When you have a leep and colpo's they leave scar tissue which cancer can hide in so testing more frequently is what you need to do!
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