Biopsy back- CIN2

Well, the nurse called this morning and said that my doctor wanted me to go in to discuss my results. Luckily, I really like my nurse, and told her that there was no way I could wait that long, so with minimal begging and tears, she told me that the biopsy came back worse than expected and my doctor wants to talk to me about a LEEP. Upon further questioning, I found out that it came back CIN2.

I thought I would handle it better. I know that the result could be worse. It's just that I NEVER expected I would get even an abnormal pap, and now all this is happening. What kinds of experiences have you ladies had with LEEP? Is it bad? Did you have to have more procedures after the LEEP?

I just feel dirty, and diseased, and I keep crying. I'm really scared that I won't be able to have more children. I have a 1 1/2 year old (I got knocked up) and I spend 2 months of the pregnancy on bedrest due to an "incompetent" cervix. I love him more than I ever thought possible, and I really want to be able to have a baby the right way, without all the fear and guilt. I should stop rambling now and be thankful for what I have. I know that there are women on here that are unable to have kids at all thanks to this stupid disease that is "no big deal."

I'm afraid of this procedure, I'm afraid that it won't get everything, and I don't want to have to battle this for the rest of my life. Thanks for letting me vent here. I don't know anyone IRL that has had an abnormal pap progress to a surgical procedure.

By jbrmt
Posted October 21, 2009 at 1:34 pm
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Don't feel dirty, you are not dirty. I think everyone who is diagnosed with HPV at one point or another feels dirty but it by no means implies that you are. I have not had the LEEP, but I do understand the frustration and anxiety that you are probably going though. Keep your head up, stress only makes the HPV worse, you have to believe that you will overcome this.

By AlisonFaith1212
Posted October 21, 2009 at 1:49 pm
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You're not dirty at all!!! 80% of people have HPV. I'm only 26 and I have CIN 3....I'm the biggest baby about doctors....I've had a doctor phobia my entire life...so I'm terrified of the LEEP. I might go for cryotherapy instead. Still trying to decide. Look into all your options! Good luck and you will be fine! Cervical cancer rarely occurs when it is detected early!

By kelbel09
Posted October 21, 2009 at 1:55 pm
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I am so sorry u feel this way:( You are not in anyway dirty or gross u are beautiful :) this is something that effects alot of people!! I found out I was HPV positive at 32 yrs old. I have not had a leep yet but I have already 3 biopsies with another one planed after this baby so u see we are all in the same boat :) thats why u are on this site is to listen to others and realize there are people here who care and want u to know u are supported :)

By CowgirlCaz
Posted October 21, 2009 at 2:56 pm
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Oh honey you are NOT dirty so don't you DARE say that about yourself! It's not your fault that this has happened to youso don't take on the attitude that it is. Many of us get different diagnoses ... why we don't or won't ever truly understand. But it definitely isn't something we have done.

I had the leep done 5 weeks ago today, and really honey it isn't as bad as what it sounds. For me though, due to high levels of anxiety and a rather large lesion (or so I was told lol), I had the procedure done at the hospital under general anesthesia. I was out for a total of 20 minutes (if that) - and post procedure I felt no pain at all - not at any time. The worst part of the leep itself is the healing time afterwards. Expect to have some light bleeding and there is in fact a rather icky discharge too - both will happen for about 3-4 weeks ... just in time for you to get your next period unfortunately lol (as was my case ... I was not impressed lol!).

For me, I just received the pathology report from the leep this past Monday, and unfortunately my original diagnosis of CIN III/CIS has been upgraded to microinvasive cancer (stage 1a I believe). So in turn I am in the process of finding a different doctor (as the one I have right now is an &*^%$@ lmao) ... as I will indeed have to have another procedure done now. This doctor I am currently seeing (who is just a regular ob/gyn) has scheduled me for a hysterectomy in December, but I believe that if I find a specialist SOMEWHERE around this place I might not need to take such a drastic measure - as apparently a cone biopsy may suffice ... that is IF my diagnosis is in fact only microinvasive.

I know this is a very very scary time right now hon, but as the other women have said here ... you DO have many options available to you right now and you DO have a bit of time to make some decisions.

I was also told that LEEP does NOT affect future pregnancies ... however if you get NUMEROUS LEEPs performed then yes that could have an affect (where you may not be able to carry full-term - in which case a simple stitch procedure on the cervix to keep it closed usually works very well).

LEEP is a very very common procedure - even more common than what I myself originally thought. Try not to stress yourself out too much and try to think as positive as you can. Try to keep your mind busy on other things and try not to dwell on all of the "what ifs" because my dear doing that actually causes more harm than good (I know as I am guilty of that myself lol).

Please know that you have a lot of loving support here - people truly care about others here and as kelbel says, we all want you to know that you ARE supported, you are NOT alone in this, and we will get through this TOGETHER!

By phchic
Posted October 21, 2009 at 8:31 pm
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Thank you guys. While I hate that we are all going through this, it is nice to know that I'm not alone. I know that it's not my fault, but it's just so hard to hear the word "STD." I don't want to have to deal with this for the rest of my life. I know that stress makes it worse, but d@mn! I thought I was stressed before this diagnosis, but now it's through the roof!

And Cowgirl, I don't know if I could handle this if I didn't love and trust my doctor and her nurse. Get a second opinion! Get a third! Find someone you like and that you trust. If it were me, I would not agree to a hysterectomy until my other options were exhausted.

By lheinze
Posted October 22, 2009 at 10:45 am
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I know exactly what you’re feeling. I had an abnormal pap about 6 months ago, followed by a colp, biopsy and cryotherapy. About a week ago, I got my 6 month follow-up pap results, and everything’s still the same as it was before the cryo – same amount of moderate dysplasia, so now I have to go through the whole process again (starting Monday). I’m still in shock. I have a feeling my new doctor might also suggest a LEEP, since the cryo didn’t work. I’m terrified, just like you, and I’ve been crying every day for over a week.

From everything I’ve read, the LEEP sounds like it’s a bit more effective, but it’s just so hard to predict – MOST people tend to have good results after cryo, but I guess I was one of the exceptions. It’s the waiting and the not knowing, the not being in control of our bodies that’s the worst. I’m in a committed relationship, and every time my guy touches me, I feel myself tensing up and pulling back – somewhere along the way, I unconsciously convinced myself that I’m defective – so that dirty and diseased feeling you’re talking about… I know what you’re saying. We just have to keep telling ourselves that we didn’t do anything wrong. I’m glad you have a child, too – I always thought I wouldn’t want kids, but then I met the right guy, so I started thinking twice. Now all I can do is hope that this doesn’t keep progressing and I can still have a CHOICE.

I was afraid before the cryo, but the procedure was over quickly and there’s such a feeling of relief that it’s just DONE. Sounds like the after effects (bleeding, etc) of the LEEP are a little worse than the cryo, but definitely still manageable.

By phchic
Posted October 22, 2009 at 1:42 pm
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I have to sit down and discuss options with my doctor Tuesday, but if she gives me a choice between cryo and LEEP, I'm going to go LEEP. I like that with the LEEP they are able to do an additional biopsy. I just want to know that it's all gone, at least for now. What you are going through is what I am afraid of- I don't want to do this over and over and over again, you know?

I'm also in a committed "relationship," but we haven't been getting along and haven't had sex for months now. I can't even imagine what it will be like the next time I try. I feel like along with everything else, my sexuality has been taken away. Does that sound stupid? It's hard to feel sexy knowing that your cervix is being eaten up by this stupid virus.

Good luck with your decision. I keep reading that a single LEEP shouldn't interfere with reproduction- that it's multiple procedures that pose the bigger risks. It's SO scary for a woman to have her fertility at risk! I know exactly how you feel.

By lheinze
Posted October 22, 2009 at 2:09 pm
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Yep, I've read the same thing about LEEPs and how one isn't bad. And if the after effects are anything like the cryo, don't be scared about that part -- it's annoying, like a super long period with extra added stuff coming out, but you get over it. And, hey, winter's coming so we're not missing out on not being able to wear white pants, anyways. :)

I had it set in my mind that I'd be intimate with my boyfriend yesterday; it's been a few weeks, and I just don't feel like doing it right before and right after the colposcopy. I got myself psyched up, and then right before anything happened, I started thinking about my stupid cervix. For me, it's not really the feeling of not being seen as sexy, it's more the worry about not wanting anything to come near me down there and maybe make it worse. And I just can't get my brain to shut off; it's hard to get in the mood when even 10% of you is constantly running through all the ways -- both positive and negative -- this could all end up. I'm looking forward to that feeling of relief you get when the procedure's over and there's no point worrying about it anymore because it's months until your next follow-up. And it really sucks for me because I worry about EVERYTHING and am usually extremely anxious; I hope you're not like that! Good luck Tuesday -- regardless of the results, know that you're not alone. The women I know who've had dysplasia ALL have gotten clear results at their 6-month follow-up, so I feel out of place in having mine continue. I hope you're one of the lucky majority who gets rid of this after one try. :)

By jbrmt
Posted October 24, 2009 at 9:40 pm
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Just in response to feeling like your sexuality has been taken away...oh man I so get that! I'm glad to hear someone else as felt that way. I am in a relationship and I can't seem to be interment with my boyfriend at all. Sex has definitely changed for me, its like every-time I am touched i skeev at the thought. Then things start to run through my mind like if I have sex this time will the HPV spread? Makes things pretty hard. Sorry if that vent seemed out of no where! lol

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