today....

I got stung by a bee saturday. Oh, it bothered me so bad, still does but not as bad. Right below the eye. OMGish !!! talk about torture. I took 100mg of vistirl and 20mg of ambien to get away from the misery !! slept for 10 hours. feeling a little better today.

Just so much anxiety though it has nothing to do with the sting. I just woke up and realized I am a person in this world and have responsblities. ugggh ! I don't want them, but at the same time glad I have them. In my head I am just screaming wanting out ! haha ... It would be to easy to just drink it away, but I quit drinking so long ago. Guess I am use to not drinking doesn't mean I don't want it.

I'm in one of those moods where I don't wanna just sit around, but dang it I don't feel like getting up and doing anything either. Have that feeling that something isn't right, but can't put my finger on it. Probably nothing is wrong but can't shake that feeling.

Well seems like my family doesn't care that much about me. I know they love me, they just have so much going on in their life and I have been sick for so long it's not big deal to them. I mean what are they suspose to do call me everyday make sure I am doing what I am suspose to do. If they did, then I would think they were being to over whelming and need not worry about me so much, because I am 37 years old and can take care of myself. Just seems like when I am misery they ignore me. I just want to feel better and doesn't matter what they do or say, it's not gonna make me feel better ...... so with that, guess it's not a big deal that they do not care as much as I feel as they should.

I hate dealing with the ssi people. they are so rude. I wish I could just be all better have a wonderful job and it not be hard to deal with. until then I guess I will deal with ssi !! Wish that worker could live in my mind for a day. All those silly questions would not be asked. They pry way to much into my personal life concerning me and my husband. If I just went off and said the things that were in my mind, they would lock me up so I just sit there and deal with their rudeness. ugggh !!

My husband, I know he loves me dearly, but he really isn't a huge help sometimes when it comes to how I feel. He just wants me to be better and get things done. He runs out of patience. its annoying.

The dr's .. don't get me started there. haha I just wont go there. I got to see my dr on a moniter next week to get refills on my meds. gonna ask what my last labs said. because I will be dammed if I allow them to take my blood anymore and not tell me the results after acquiring kidney disease from them not paying attention to them. I would sue their butts to high heven but the laws are written in away in oklahoma its almost impossible to do that.


I hate that helpless feeling. I feel it so much lately. I am having one of those blahhhh ugggh kinda days.

kelly

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