I know, I'm the guy who complains about how awful he is repeatedly to vent, sending all you fine caring folks into a panic.
Today I'm going to talk about something different, because for once I've pulled my head out of my hideous butt and have decided to do something productive with this site.
The title has nothing to do with me. It has to do with a girl I know who died yesterday. You know the type: pretty, intelligent, kind, that sort.
This girl goes over to an exotic country for some foreign exchange thingie. Yesterday she gets separated from her exotic buddies, topples into an ocean, gets sucked off by a rip tide, and drowns. Slowly. Painfully.
This girl, who I didn't know well but well enough to know she didn't deserve it, is now dead.
Death doesn't usually affect me like this. I don't usually react to it unless it's someone close to me. When my grandma died, I went nuts. But she died of colon cancer, and disease gives you time to prepare for death. I cried, because she practically raised me herself and I love her, but I was still mentally prepared.
So what made me so emotional? I admittedly had a little crush on her, she WAS(is?) pretty, and nice, a rare combo. Whenever I talked to her, she was generally pleasant. And from what I knew about her, she just seemed to be a genuinely GOOD person.
So now she's dead. I'm still wrapping my mind around it. I keep imagining how it happened, as if it would somehow save her. I know it won't, but it keeps torturing me. And I know I'm not the only one. Like I said, she was a pretty GOOD human being.
And right now, Jerry Sandusky's still alive. Corrupt dictators and executors of mass genocide are alive. Child rapists and serial killers and politicians are alive. But not this one innocent high school girl.
If there's something out there called God, I hate it right now, intensely. I have before, but this seems to have cemented it. That hatred can't be stopped. Maybe one day I'll stop, but not for a while. Not right now.
I only hope that if God, if he exists, and can feel, can feel a hundred times the pain he inflicted on her. I want him to suffer worse than she did. And maybe for every other good person who has died over the course of history. Just so he knows what it's like. Maybe then he'll stop. You never know.
I know that's offensive to many of you, but I'm not in a state to be sympathetic to your beliefs right now. I'm merely writing this desperately so this girl can be immortalized somehow. That because she is mentioned, that she won't be forgotten.
See, even I have a heart sometimes.