Nici-Nicole, your family are in my prayers, Thank You for sharing your situation.
I am Bipolar and have thought many times about suicide. I have had on and off again thoughts of it, but I am VERY happy to say I was able to stop myself and think how would it affect my family and friends. When you have mental illness, suicide is something that you struggle with daily, as they say "why not?" In 2001 I was dealing like the rest of the country with 9/11, but I also was dealing with the aftermath of a suicide attempt over Labor Day weekend, my son. He didn't want to talk about what was depressing him. I had 3 medications at that time, he took what was in all 3 bottles and a full bottle of Tylenol. The Tylenol saved him I think. It hurt his stomach so bad he came to us doubled over. He told my husband what he did & rushed him to the ER. I had to stay home with his little sister. The longest 2 days of my life, took that long to get the toxins out of him and feeling somewhat better. I know that he may try again, even though he swears he won't.
I too believe it is the most selfish thing a person can do. That being said I still can't promise my family and friends that I will NEVER attempt suicide. I have been on medication and in therapy over the past 25 yrs. I know the medication and therapy are helping me 'avoid' the suicide thinking. If I miss even one dose of my meds I feel the negative thinking creep in.
Nici-Nicole I also agree with others, you need to get your son and yourself into therapy to learn how to cope with this situation. I myself find it easier to talk with a professional about some things I haven't told anyone else. I like the fact that I can voice my feelings with no judgement or hurting anyones feelings.
I haven't thought of it for the past two years as I've been dealing with my husband having throat cancer. He is now CANCER FREE!! He was out on disability until today. Hasn't worked since Feb 2012.
So at this point in my family we are all taking it one day at a time. I love the book Don't Sweat The Small Stuff...and It's All Small Stuff, by Richard Carlson, PH.D.
Have happy Monday to all on Inspire.