some good and some frustrating

I joined this site because no one in my life understand my conditions. I know this may sound weird, but I'm happy I'm not the only one. It's a relief that I'm not alone in this.

First things first, I woke up feeling a small bit of pain. I was feeling so good I almost forgot to take my medicine. On a side note I was on 7.5 mg of meloxicam and it took away more than half of the pain so my doctor upped the dosage to 15 mg. The weird thing was when I started taking it I felt worst and it was like before I went on medication.

Another one of my fingers went stiff and I can no longer move them into a complete fist. I'm two fingers down and it so freaking frustrating because I want to be a surgeon and how the heck am I to do that if I can't use my hands.

I went to my rheumatologist yesterday and he decided that I need to be put on injections. It was between Humira and Enbrel. He wants to put me on Humira because of the results he has seen with it. Next week I go for my tb test and two weeks after I go back to the doctor to get the medication and my doctor also wants to talk to my parents so they understand what this means for me and my health.

I went to the dermatologist and he decided to take me off of clobetasol ointment and give me fluocinonide oinment. It's a lower prescription and is working but not as well as the clobetasol. I'm going back in three week and will be asking for clobetasol back because being coming in patches is irritating me. The new meds stops it from being flaky, but the skin is still red and raised(bumpy).

My mother is rescheduling my SSI appointment so she can take me to it. A huge weight is off my shoulders and I'm happy because I really need the money to support myself. It's a hassle that I can't control anything in my life. I can't buy my own food. I can't control when my skin is going to flare up or that I'll never know if the next day is going to be a good day or a bad day.


I still haven't found a psychiatrist. Ive been looking, but I have specific things I need. I want a women and someone who is close by but the ones I've found are nowhere near where I live and the majority that are nearby aren't cover by my insurance and are men. I have trust and abandonment issues because of the men in my life and it's very hard for me to open up or connect with one. I'm going to keep looking because I really need this to better my quality of life.

I've found a Podiatrist for my flat feet and hopefully after I get a referral from my doctor I can get help for the arthritis in my feet. The fact that my feet are flat only makes my arthritis worst because of the pressure on my ankles and I'm hoping the doctor can help take the pressure off my ankles.

Thank you who have messaged me and asked to be friends. I'm sorry if I don't respond immediately. My social anxiety at times goes pass my real life relationships and also affects my cyber life. I overthink my words constantly and at times it hard for me know what to say or how to respond.