I have Borderline Personality Disorder.
Severe Post Tramatic Stress Disorder
I'm Agoraphobic.. and have Severe
Anxiety Disorder... with heightened
Pychosis when under extreme stress
And many nights witbout proper rest..
I was doing so well... with meds...
School and work... my own
Apartment... but school fell through
I cracked my foot playing basketball
So no more working...
And meds got changed once again
Went from Restoril to Ambien
To Remeron to nothing...
And my life is falling apart all over
Again...and I've started taking
Birth control in the last 3 months.
No worries I'm gay..
I am unable to work again..
Emotionally I haven't been
Very stable lately...
And I just want to cry a lot..
And hit stuff...
And scream at people...
I feel depressed and useless...
And angry... but underneath it all
I just feel sad... trying to mask it.
They've increased my Kolonipin
I take Prozac also.
And birth control pills to help regulate
My period... and decrease the pain.
I feel all over the place lately.
My life went from being on track
To completely out of control.
To top it off... someone who was
Supposed to be out of her life
2 weeks ago is still there
In her apartment with her
And her daughter...
Tearing me apart from the
Inside out... sometimes I
Wonder if we will ever have a real
Relationship at all... or if we will
Just continue... to pretend..
And my new stepdad is starting
To remind me of my biological
Father ...who is dead..
He drinks... and it triggers
Horriffic things from when I was a
Child and he was still alive...
I just feel like anything that can
Go wrong has and continues to.
I don't even want to write or
I've lost my spirit...