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I am having such a hard time sleeping these days. I am up most of the night and take catnaps during the day. I see my therapist tomorrow and it's the only place in the whole world that I feel safe.

I can't take the pain of life anymore. Oh, I will be fine. I just need to talk. The past keeps flooding back at me. My partner keeps asking me how much longer I will be in therapy. I don't know. Sometimes, the whole session is about her and/or us. I am in a place in my life where I want to move on. I don't know what to do anymore. I am too scared to make that move. I know I will cause a lot of pain to a lot of people. She makes me do all the talking to people and then I am made to look like a witch or look stupid or pushy. I have to say things exactly the way she wants me to or she gets made. I knew that when we moved in with her that it was a mistake, but there was nothing that I could do about it. We have been together for 19 yrs now and yes, there were many times that I should have left and didn't. Too scared. Life is scary. I don't know how to get out of this depression anymore. I don't want anymore drugs. I have tried so many of them. I am tired of pills. I am tired...