First thing in my head on waking is oh no, another day and I am alive and wish I was not. How to get out of life and out of the constant pain, worry, fear, self loathing? I'm out of options. I have love and an obligation to my pets. I worry for their lives if I am not here for them. Otherwise, I won't miss anything else. Money is too hard to make, I can't sustain myself in this life. No point to this post. Writing because I guess I hope for some magic. Oh well. It is what it is.