" HOLE "

My mind just wouldn't shut up...
Last night I burned a hole in my comforter...
I had taken my meds about an hour before
that. One minute I had it in my hand and
the next... my leg was getting hot and it
was burning through. I detached
for a moment ...and then I looked down
and picked it up and put it out in my
ashtray... and started shaking my head
At myself... And after that I did a little
meditating... I started trying to calm
my mind and the night... It was the most
Restless I have been in a very long time.
I had to put on The Notebook so that I could
Fall asleep... these nights... they just feel
Like they are getting longer and longer..
I took sleeping meds... a muscle relaxer...
and I took a Kolonipin... My foot was
Killing me and my nerves were shot...
but nothing seemed to help...
Except for that movie...
Like it gives a reassuring hope for
My heart... I don't know...
But it did the trick...I let it play on loop
Throughout the night...
The things that soothe us... sigh :(
Well... now I'm out on route delivering meds...
And my foot is throbbing badly but
It feels good out here.. and I'm just going
To try to make it a better day..
When I'm done dropping all the meds off
I think I'm going to go home and have
Breakfast... and work on my logo design.
And give my foot a nice good soak.
....so tired of missing her...
The heart wants what it wants...
But I am, meeting new people...
A few of them go to college here
At LBCC... I'm still trying to choose
Between there and Cerritos...
I imagine God will keep leading
My way... as he has been...
All I know... is that I can't wait to
Begin college... my heart is very restless
But my nose is to the grind.
Off to deliver more meds now.

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